Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Verbal abuse, advice needed.

(10 Posts)
Beelzebop Sun 08-May-16 11:30:40

I think I am being verbally abused. I have managed to record something, but it's not great. Many people have mentioned recording in a previous post, how have you managed it? What app did you use? Would anyone be willing to listen to see if I'm being reasonable?
Thanks and I hope the other poster is OK xxx.

summerwinterton Sun 08-May-16 12:15:14

Why do you need to record it? If someone is abusing you then you make steps to remove them from your life. What difference does having a recording make?

merville Sun 08-May-16 12:27:35

Would be happy to listen, but if you post what was said it's likely to be much more convenient & faster to comment on.
If you feel like you are being verbally abused, it's likely you are.
Have you had a look at Lundy Bancroft, "Why does he do that?" I can try to send you pdf by email if you haven't & want to.

merville Sun 08-May-16 12:28:36

p.s. they probably just used video/sound recorder on mobile phone, somewhere near but out of sight

HoppingForward Sun 08-May-16 12:29:20

No need to record it. No one has the right to call you names or make you feel bad about yourself flowers

Beelzebop Sun 08-May-16 13:47:44

I thought it might be a good idea, for me to listen back to. When it happens I end up not remembering what was said, and being unsure as to whether or not I was reasonable and feeling very upset. Aggressive nagging when drunk or unhappy probably sums his behaviour up. It can be for extended periods of time. I just feel sad. I think I need to prove it to my brain if that makes sense? Thanks for replying .

merville Sun 08-May-16 18:32:51

The word "aggressive" jumps out at me; obviously few of us can speak to our partners in dulcet, loving tones all of the time, but repeated/regular aggression in communicating is not on, and I suppose is abusive.

The fact that it is getting you down .... suggests to me it is bad enough/abusive.

He sounds like the "Water Torturer" style of abuser defined by Lundy Bancroft; link below.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles

As I said I can try emailing the full book if you want, it is very interesting reading.

As far as getting perspective, what I always find useful is taking yourself completely out of the equation and imagining these things were being said to your relative or friend by their partner - what would you think? What would you say to them if you were a fly on the wall or they told you about it?

Joysmum Sun 08-May-16 19:03:47

I think it's a brilliant idea to record unobtrusively if you can. Abusers make you doubt yourself so I think hearing it back will give you confidence in yourself.

When I had to record part of a counselling session to re-live it, I used the record function on my iPhone.

Make sure your sound is off though so there's nothing to give it away. Practice recording before you need it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 08-May-16 19:16:24

You can buy external microphones quite cheaply. That will improve the sound quality.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 08-May-16 22:29:39

Sound Recorder comes as stock with iPhones and Android, and a decent phone will pick up everything within 10 feet.

More worrying is the fact you seem so unsure of yourself, your memories and feelings. That suggests he's already screwed you up considerably.

Keep talking to us, we'll believe in you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now