Happy after divorce? Tell us about your day...

[stomachinknots]

This might sounds weird, but as I look ahead into the dark tunnel of divorce proceedings, I have a hard time picturing what happiness might look like in the future. There is so much about the process and aftermath that seems bleak and sad (especially when I consider my kids), so I would love to hear from people who have come through it -- what kind of things do you get up to? How are your days? How about the kids? I think it would make it easier for me if I could read a few specific samples from people who have emerged on the other side and are now (mostly) happily going about their new lives.

So, would you be able to share just a few broad brush descriptions or specifics of your day? Good moments? Little triumphs? I would love to be able to get just a glimpse of my possible future self, who currently is so obscured.

[elliepac]

I am 2 years post separation and divorce is due any day now. Obviously how you come out of the process and how long it takes is dependent upon the manner of the divorce. I have to say that the decision to split was mine after an ea marriage that should never have lasted as long as it did, I stayed for the children for many years. I was excited about life post divorce but also very worried about the children and how I would cope on my own. Turns out life is awesome now. I think the predominant feeling on a day to day basis is freedom. I am free to be who I want to be and to do what I want to do. The children have come out of the other side and they are equally happy now. On a day to day basis we form an awesome little team and work together. I had to live with my mum for some time after the split but a few months ago we moved into our own place and that feeling of closing the door and knowing it is just us is awesome. The children are secure and happy. They see a lot of their dad and look forward to doing so. Little new habits emerge which we didn't do before like we all eat breakfast together. Their quality of life has actually gone up. They get more quality time with their dad then they ever did when we were together because he has to step up. In fact he is a better dad now than he ever was when we were together. At first I revelled in the alone time when they were at their dad's. I did all the things that i never had time to do before like reading, going to the cinema, meeting friends. Now, i have an amazing new partner who is a huge part of our lives and with whom I feel I am finally modelling a good relationship with and whom the children adore. I am finally being the person I always wanted to be. There will be dark moments although for me I haven't looked back from the minute I decided to walk out of the door. Life is a million percent better.

[Mrskeats]

Separated for 9 years divorced for 3
Eldest at uni and youngest in last year at school
Both doing very well and live between me and ex husband
Have a new partner that I live with who also has kids
Have never been happier in my life
There is definitely life post divorce even if you can't imagine it now
I suppose my kids being happy and my career and strong relationship with my partner are my triumphs
I have a smaller house now but it's mine and paid for and this process will make you think about what's important

[TheBigRedBoat]

Separated for 10months. My children are young and very happy. I started the paperwork for my divorce on Friday. I work part time and have my kids the rest of it. Occasionally family
Will babysit for me so I can go out. I recently had my first post-breakup sex and it was awesome.

[ElllieB1]

Nearly 3 years separated, absolute just came through. My weekend with kids, we went out yesterday and met up with friends today. Came home, had dinner and now they're in bed and I'm happily slobbing out on the sofa. Have had a short lived relationship, but I'm really happy doing me, kids have settled well, see their dad regularly and I LOVE my child free weekends

[minop]

I'm 6 weeks in and have times when I need these story's too. My DH was having an EA at work which lead to him getting sacked and this was the first I knew there was any problems. 5 years of marriage and 8 years of my life turned upside down.
I'm taking each day as it comes. 3 DC's are all doing well as am I but I look to the future and have no idea where things are going. It's good to hear that there is light at the end of the divorce tunnel!

[ThomasRichard]

Separated for a year and at the post-decree nisi finances being signed off stage.

Last weekend STBexH had the children. I went to the cinema with a friend on the Friday night, woke up in the home that I now own, did some leafleting for the election, got my makeup done, went to another friend's hen do, arrived back home at 5am and slept for hours, read a book. Got up super-early on Monday and went on a day trip to Bath with another friend. Got home 10pm-ish and got an early night ready for work the next day. He also had them on Wednesday and Thursday night so on Wednesday I went out for dinner with some friends from work and on Thursday I had an evening in with my new book. Lovely.

I enjoy having some time to myself and have a much better social life than I did before H left. I am happy in my own home and it's easier not having a bad atmosphere or having to worry about another person besides the DC.

[chocshortbread]

I can remember feeling like this - about 6 years ago now. Coming on here and people saying it would get better. I wasn't so sure. But it has. And SO much better. I'm better off than I was before exh left for OW and have a better nicer life. No partner currently and sometimes slightly broke but otherwise just far happier, I like myself now, love my time with the dcs and we have great family days out, and it feels like a family despite no h. Its a happier house, full of laughter and kindness and I love being able to do what I want when I want.
Take care of yourself and hang in there (and to others in this position too)

[Minime85]

With new DP going on a long walk with our dog and my two dcs today in the sunshine. Getting to have family time as a family unit never had with ex. Getting slightly niggled that ex doesn't realise how much needs paying out on dcs. On whole amicable relationship with him. Texting today re arrangements for next swap over and update on dcs.

[SomeonesRealName]

Separated just over two years ago and divorced nearly two years ago after EA and discovering ex's affair. Yesterday dropped LO off with XH for the day. LO had fun with daddy and nanny while I went to a judo class, then met my new partner, who I've been dating 8 months, for lunch and shopping. Picked up my LO on my way home, had some dinner, games, stories, then left my mum babysitting and went to dance the night away at my friend's wedding. Today went out to the park with LO and my new partner - they get on brilliantly. Pizza dinner and then home for a glass of wine and bed. I'm living with my parents still but in the process of buying a house for me and LO.

[stomachinknots]

Very reassuring to read some of these. Thanks all for posting.

[mmmkayyyy]

Started divorce proceedings after emotional abuse and his affair but ex is being difficult. However love my life! Living with parents at the moment, ex has DS when I work and two other times in the week. I can have a bath on my own, fit in appointments for my business, or go out with my new partner who is amazing. My DS is thriving on more contact with his dad than he had when we were together and a mum who is no longer being abused and is happy and treated well. I really feel incredibly lucky, especially for finding my new partner who is everything I could have wanted. We both want the same things but we are taking it slowly.

[needresolution]

Been separated 18mths - divorce paperwork going through. In the process of buying my own house, kids looking forward to it. I have a new partner been together a year and I'm generally happy. I feel calmer and in control, I don't stress as much and we do things together. We had a bike ride together at the weekend and I thought to myself my ex would never want to do this (although hes recently bought himself a bike and is on it all the time ffs!)
I'm starting to enjoy life again :)

[stomachinknots]

I'm starting to enjoy life again

Sounds like a nice feeling. Get on yr bike! :)

[anxiousann123]

I separated a year and a half ago after an emotionally abusive relationship, i held on for the children and should have jumped ship long before (10 years ago really) the relationship had been over for at least 6 months before i officially ended it. The day i made the decision i never looked back! i met my current partner quite quickly but i had been alone in my relationship for such a long time it was refreshing! My children have never been happier, they love spending time with my new partner and in turn he loves spending time with them (unlike their dad who sees them approximately once every 3 weeks at the most for 3 hours.) we love doing family things (my ex used to tell us he couldnt wait to go back to work in the holidays) he just liked being in the pub and coincidentally despite moving over half an hour away i still see his car at our local pub every week when he doesnt even pop in to see his children!

I now know what a proper relationship is like and often wonder why i put up with what i did as i deserved so much better!

you will be ok xx

[Rhubardandcustard]

5 years since Sep/divorce. Love my life, I'm so happy, dd happy. We got a dog when ex left, don't want another man. Can make own decisions, tough at first but get used to it and no one to compromise with. I go out more now then I ever did, don't have to justify buying something new, arguing over where to go on holiday etc etc.

[stomachinknots]

Really needing this thread today. I fear the end is in sight.

[Dowser]

I've been with my lovely new husband for nearly 8 years.

THAT...says it all.

A gypsy , after my first year of marriage to first HUsband told me I'd wear two wedding rings.

Well she was spot on!

[Dowser]

Within a week ofmy absolute, I went on a dating site and met new DH 2.5 months later.

Been together ever since.

Live him to bits .

[UncomfortableScratcher]

10 months on, and still going through the pain of financial settlement but already so much happier. DS was with STBXH today. I spent the day getting so much done, and am so proud of everything I've accomplished in the past year.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Well, exH left 2008 and I had a pretty bad year to 18 months. Around 5 years ago I got together with now DP and we are getting married next month.
Unfortunately he has just been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and I've spent today with him in hospital having spend yesterday being assessed, procedures and admittance and coming home alone wondering if I'd bring him home again. Thankfully he has improved and hopefully will be home by next weekend.
So today hasn't been great, BUT our life together so far has been fantastic and I'm much happier with him than I had been with exH for a while before he left.

[stomachinknots]

I just keep reading and rereading these. Thank you all so much for sharing. Takes so much of the terror out of it. Feel free to keep adding!

[All0vertheplace]

A very useful thread.

[OnTheBr1nk]

What a heartening thread. I hope people might keep posting on it. This is the kind of thing that makes this bitter pill a tiny bit easier to swallow. I'm currently going through The Big Split and can't really see a way through it. All seems quite glum and sad for now. Nice to know it might not always be like this. to all.

[PurpleWithRed]

Can hardly believe the split was 10 years ago - my 20 year first marriage seems like a distant memory. The day we sold the family home I moved to my rented house and XDH took the kids on a week's holiday. I put a chain lock on the door and stayed in for 3 days, just being myself - calm, safe, no eggshells, no sulking, no trying to please someone and failing, no 'talks' about what a bad person I am. It was bliss.

10 years on I am in the kind of marriage I thought only happened in books.