My DH and I have been together for over 23 years. Until about 5 years ago, we were happy, with the usual ups and downs.
Then DH's mental health began slowly to decline. His work ethic turned into work addiction (we are talking 16-hour days), he lost all joy in life, and his personality has profoundly changed. We've stopped having any form of intimacy for four years now, and it's slowing eating away at me.
We did couple therapy for a year until about six months ago. The therapist suggested that we were wasting our time unless DH looked after himself first.
DH knows that the roots of his unhappiness lie in his earlier life - a strict, unloving family, and parents who were very unhappily married. Recently, he lost a sibling, which has precipitated a flow of emotion that he thought he could keep in check.
I recently gave him an ultimatum: to seek help or leave. He agreed in principle to see a doctor as well as a therapist, but he's now been too busy for the last month to follow up.
I love him, and I would love nothing more than see him get better, and connect with me again. But my gut tells me that he is not willing to change, and that unless I leave, this will be our life.
I feel enormously guilty and dread the prospect of telling our child, but I feel I have given so much, and I can't bear the thought of continuing to be so lonely, and so sad, for years ahead. I should add that, as all good workaholics, DH is amazing at putting up a front. At work or with friends, he is charming, lively and full of smiles. At home, he locks himself in the study, makes no eye contact, snaps at everyone, and spends countless sleepless nights on his tablet.
Has anyone filed for divorce on similar grounds? Or tried a trial separation? I keep hoping that the shock of having to move out would give him the jolt he needs, but who knows.
thanks in advance.
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Relationships
At breaking point bcs of DH's depression. Anyone been there? Wise counsel needed.
thecatsmothercompany · 04/05/2016 14:57
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