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Positives to ex choosing to live very close

(14 Posts)
Strawberryshortcake40 Wed 04-May-16 13:23:09

Am aware this will out me to anyone who knows me in RL!

STBEH moved out 15 months ago. Divorce going through relatively amicably now after a few pretty awful phases. I'm divorcing him basically for his EA behaviour towards me. He sees the DC one day and one evening a week.

Having to sell house and buy smaller, thought he was going to live a few towns away. He has no plans to help with school runs etc so driving 15 mins or so to take DC at weekends to him was fine with me.

He's chosen to buy a house which is two streets away from the one I'm buying. I knew he was going to look at it and said it was ok because what proper objections could I have? But the truth of the matter is it is plain weird and I'm really unsettled over it. I have a whole host of negative worries about it and am desperately looking for positives. DC are as bemused as I am so I need to "sell it" to them too!

needresolution Wed 04-May-16 13:44:40

In a similar position. XH lives the other side of the estate and over the road from his sister, I chose to live in the same place due to the school, he could have lived anywhere. Only positive is that DD can walk to his house. I've now decided to move as I personally find it weird, we potentially share the same shop, pub etc so I'm moving a couple of miles away for my own peace of mind.

Strawberryshortcake40 Wed 04-May-16 13:48:33

Yes I've chosen my new house because of schools. I wouldn't have chosen it otherwise.

And I've thought of the "they can walk to his" but also the more likely scenario of him forever just popping round.

Claraoswald36 Wed 04-May-16 17:54:49

My ex lives close. I hate it.

WannaBe Wed 04-May-16 18:04:26

How old are the DC? I moved a ten minute walk (two minute bus ride) away from my ex when we split because; it was right opposite the primary school. Was on a prime bus route (I don't drive) the house came up right at that opportune moment.

I don't really see any cons as he doesn't pop round here and I don't pop round there. But from my DS' point of view he can easily get between houses if he e.g. Forgets something (he's thirteen).

The possible downside for eXH is that he gave the responsibility to DS when he was about eleven to make his own way to his house when he was due to stay there, which means that DS very much started to stall when given a time to be there and now chooses to stay here most of the time instead.

noisytoys Wed 04-May-16 18:11:53

My ExH lives on the next street. I don't mind. It is convenient while the children are small because it makes contact easier. I have plans to move away when they are older.

Fourormore Wed 04-May-16 18:14:53

My ex lives very close to me. I hardly ever see him so it doesn't bother me. We've lived this close for 8 years and I've probably bumped into him about 3 times.

Cabrinha Wed 04-May-16 18:29:31

5 minutes drive apart but it's basically one road and we share the same small village supermarket.
Puts me right off my dinner when I see him confused

I have strategy for when I bump into him - I giggle to my daughter and disappear down an eye and say "go surprise daddy!" Then I leave her to it - so it doesn't look like I'm avoiding him, just helping her not to be seen. I don't care if he thinks I'm avoiding him - just don't want my daughter to realise.

Has happened about 5x in 2 years.

BlueberrySky Wed 04-May-16 18:48:58

When my ex and I split, I moved into the next road. It was convenient and easy for the kids. After two years, we both moved and live about 10 min walk away from each other.

It is a big town, so we never bump into each other when out. We made an effort not to shop in the same supermarket or drink in the same pubs. In fact in 8 years I have only bumped into him a couple of times on the train, on the way to work.

It is great for the kids as they can walk to each house, and if they have forgotten something they can just go and get it, or call in on their way to school.

I prefer this to him living miles away.

Strawberryshortcake40 Fri 06-May-16 17:49:44

DC are 9, 14, 18. It's a small village we will be living in so I imagine a high chance of bumping into each other at village shop etc.

pocketsaviour Fri 06-May-16 18:30:10

I knew he was going to look at it and said it was ok because what proper objections could I have?

So he asked you if you were okay with it, and you said yes, even though you weren't? Why? All you needed to say was "No, it would make me uncomfortable." (Of course he then might have said "Well fuck you I'm buying it anyway" but at least you've have attempted to assert a boundary.)

Strawberryshortcake40 Fri 06-May-16 19:47:47

The last thing I wanted to say to somebody who spent 20 years controlling every aspect of my life, was that I objected to it. That would have made him buy it even if he hated it!

Tartypants Sat 07-May-16 01:45:35

Here goes with the silver lining. From the kids point of view, as they get older they can decide when they go where, which is nice for them if you can stand it. They can still see their friends whichever of you they are with, which is good especially when they get to teenage. It saves them the travel time, which for little ones can be interminable. In absolute emergencies (e.g. if you've got to take one to hospital) it's useful having someone close by to take the others.

Catinthecorner Sat 07-May-16 02:18:36

You should sell it to him. Fabulous. So handy. You can take the kids when I want to go out. I can pop by when the kids need something. Etc etc.

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