why do I take it?

[cjt88lulu]

Please can someone help me understand why I put up with such bad Treatment from my boyfriend of two years?

I'm beyond the point of thinking it can be sorted or he can change so I'm not looking for replies along those lines but I feel I should give sow examples

• I live alone (officially in terms of rent bills Etc) he is there day and night but doesn't help
• awful with my child

-selfish in bed and just useless


He puts me
Down daily. Tells me I'm lucky to have him Etc. that's all irrelevant as what I'm wondering is WHY I put up with him??!! And if h let me i know I would want him back despite logically being able to see this isn't right

What is wrong with me?

[cjt88lulu]

Sorry for bad typing, on my phone at work.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Often it stems from your upbringing.
What was that like?
I would suggest you get some counselling to understand why you would let some random bloke be 'awful' to your child.
You think this is all you deserve and you need to understand where that comes from?
Your first step is kick his ass out of your house and take it from there.

Look up co-dependency and also read the Lundy Bancroft book - Why Does He Do That?
It will all be eye opening for you.
Also give Womens Aid a call and sign to their Freedom Programme.
This will help you put boundaries in place and spot red flags and be assertive about getting lazy, cocklodging assholes out of yours and poor DC life!!!
Do it for her if for no-one else.
Poor little girl. Imagine the lessons she is learning from this relationship.
She will end up exactly as you are now.
How would that make you feel?

[Jan45]

Without knowing you and any back story it's hard to say, the fact he is awful with your child should be enough for you to want rid, he will be affecting your child's development in a negative way.

What does your family say?

[SleepingTiger]

Because you want to.

[Buzzardbird]

Well you obviously have low self-esteem but your protection of your child should over-ride that?

[Startingover2016]

Is it fear of being on your own?

[AnyFucker]

Because you put your relationship with him over the welfare of your child ?

I wonder if this will turn into a pile in with the neat insertion of "I live alone for the benefit of rent/bills".....

[Bananalanacake]

Does he work, does he pay towards your rent/bills? if not he is a lazy piece of shit (unless he's looking for work) and needs to be kicked out now.

[cjt88lulu]

Sleepingtiger I don't want to

Anyfucker no I work full time in the city thanks and pay for childcare fees alone

Thanks everyone else

[cjt88lulu]

He does work, he pays for food sometimes.

And I know he isn't abusive to my child. He has his own kids and he treats them as he does my son. He is just a lot more strict I guess

[cjt88lulu]

My childhood sucked my parents split when I was 15 and from that age they
Both left the family home and paid bills so I guess j have a fear of being alone

[AnyFucker]

Now you are backtracking within the space of a couple of posts

He is "awful" with your child but "not abusive"

Anybody that was "awful" with my child would be given the boot, ergo you value your relationship with this man over the welfare of your son

[SleepingTiger]

Look for his redeeming feature in your eyes . I suspect that may be why you won't end the relationship.

[Joysmum]

This could be a why 'do' you put up with it after you recognised it was wrong, or a why 'did' you put up with it and not realise it was wrong for so long?

[SleepingTiger]

Awful and Abusive can be given different meanings by different people and so they do not translate precisely to another person

[Iamdobby63]

Look at what your future would be with this man - now imagine a life without him where you have the freedom and opportunity to find happiness. Which one is more scary?

[Jan45]

Lucky to have a cocklodger - that's a new one.

[goddessofsmallthings]

He is just a lot more strict I guess

More strict than what? 'More strict' than you? How old is your ds and in what way does your bf's strictness impact on him?

[cjt88lulu]

No one understands this. It's easy to comment and I get why I am being viewed as a pathetic person but I am truly scared. I have for the first time said no to him and said j will meet my
Dad (he hates it)

He said am I drunk? I hung up

He has called me 14 times and I am worried

[cjt88lulu]

My ds is 6 and has no relationship with his dad so it's been me and him

Bf will do horrible things like mock him if he cries or wets the bed and calls him a baby. Reading this back makes me sick like I am the most pathetic person

[cjt88lulu]

I deserve to be flamed, in fact it'll help me.

[Startingover2016]

I don't really understand your last post sorry. Are you scared of him?

[cjt88lulu]

I'm sorry i know it's jumbled

I'm not scared in the sense he would be violent, he wouldn't but I'm scared of the argument is what j meant

[Iamdobby63]

Do you live together? I know he stays with you but am unsure if he has his own place.

[GarlicShake]

Please follow hellsbells' excellent advice, cj. All of it. This will be the start of a whole happier & more secure you!

In short - we put up with it because it's what we were "trained" for. And we let nasty people into our hearts because our training made us feel that was our purpose.

Hellsbells has recommended the ideal way to understand what's happening and why.

Please do it, not just for your own sake but for your child's. If you don't, your child will grow up to repeat the exact same pattern.