I'll try keep it short!
I have been in a new relationship for 8 months. It's an LDR of sorts as he is 2 hours away but we have still managed, until recently, to see each other weekly for the most part and to be fair he has done most of the driving as I drive a stupid amount in the week. I have had to sort of learn that his level of communication otherwise is not what I would like. I try not to bother him and look clingy but sometimes that's tough and I have talked about the need for him to just take a minute out to text occasionally. I accept that I'm a bit 'insecure-anxious attachment' typical but I'm working with it, I don't continuously bother him, and he has been a bit inconsistent so I think that we just need to find that middle ground. He's very busy with lots of friends, always out at the pub, stays up til 2am or later most nights. I live in a town I moved to 2 years ago and feel quite isolated. I don't really have any family. I'm also training for a job that I kind of got stuck in and am having some issues being passionate about - not his problem though - also this can be tough emotionally as I listen to very depressing stuff all day and I'm struggling to manage that. Despite this I try and keep busy, I have studying to do and I do the odd crafty bits, cook, catch up with friends who live all over the place, walk the dog, volunteer etc. I don't take much pleasure in any of it but I make sure he knows that I'm not sitting around pining for him when he's not around! My friends are gradually falling off the radar with their own lives, moving away, families etc. He has a hobby that I knew about when I started with him. It hasn't been too invasive until March when the season got into swing and now he's away most weekends and the week can often be taken up with meetings etc. All of his exes have been into this hobby with him. I would give it a go but I can't afford it and I don't want him to teach me ideally. I saw him 3/4 days in March as he was away 10 days and another weekend I think. This is what makes him most happy.
So he's been away this weekend. I caught up with a couple of friends for lunch/dinner, saw my mum and hoped to get on with some studying on the basis that if I got it done I might be able to see him next weekend if he's not away. But I can't. I was miserable with my friends and a bitch to my mum. I am spending my whole time alone crying. I can't keep bothering my friends about it and they aren't replying to texts anyway. I feel suicidal and utterly alone. I can't get out of bed, I can't do anything. I've wasted the sunny weather. He has sent me 2 messages since he left on Friday morning and one was telling me about what a great time he's having. I sent a couple back but I'm gonna leave it as I don't want to look like a bunny boiler. He has been on and off Messenger but no response since the one I sent last night saying I hope he was having a nice time. I honestly haven't looked crazy to him but it's really exhausting trying to pretend I'm fine. Last weekend I didn't do so badly when he was away but there were pictures all over FB of him and some nubile, beautiful young student he was teaching and that was tough.
Last week we had an argument as I'd booked us a hotel in August as a nice surprise and when I told him he didn't even say thank you for 2 days - no explanation why. He also keeps promising we are going to go away on holiday in July but nothing ever gets mentioned or organised as I guess he's too busy. I thought it would be a nice compromise and make me feel like we had something to look forward to. I even looked into a holiday where he could indulge his hobby. He says it will happen but there doesn't seem to be a commitment to making it happen.
Just to clarify, when I'm with him we are deliriously happy. He is super affectionate, he has introduced me to family and friends and he tells me he loves me. We spent Christmas together at his parents. We have great sex and when pressed the other week he said that he does envisage a future with me (I was so drunk though I don't really remember the conversation but we can't even move in together until next March when I finish my course. He says he wants a family). He can be a bit disorganised and thoughtless (he had a picture of his ex on his wall for months until I covered it up with something else a few weeks ago) but that's just him, I don't think it's malicious (he said he didn't even know what picture I was talking about - his place is a tip). I don't have any presence on his social media but Jesus Christ at my age I really have better things to worry about than whether he puts 'in a relationship' on his FB status right?!
Friends deviate between telling me I'm completely crazy and I'm pushing him away to telling me that he is flaky and non-committal and that I deserve someone who's gonna make me happier. I'm not sure talking with them about it helps so I've looked into counselling and might go to the GP about some meds as well.
But anyway, I just NEED to get on with something. I cleaned my bathroom floor and did a bit of gardening to distract myself but then I'm just back to normal, crying and not studying, which is now stressing me out further.
What do I do?
And sorry it was so long.......
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enchiladatoes · 02/05/2016 12:06
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