I've been with my DH for 20 years and if anything he seems to be getting worse rather than better. After cooking the kitchen is left a bombsite, even after he has cleared up. Any room I tidy up is usually trashed again within the next day or two. He's incapable of putting anything away or closing cupboard doors. When he does DIY then all the tools will be abandoned in the room where he's done the work. So he'll paint a DC's bedroom then leave the paint, brush, roller and tray in there. Eventually they have to be thrown away because they haven't been cleaned and the paint has dried on. When he empties the bin he doesn't put a new binbag in. When he changes the bedsheets he often leaves one or two pillow cases lying on the floor so then we have to have no pillow cases on the bed until they can be washed with the next load. When he washes up I have to wash most of the dishes again because they still have food stuck to them.
I could go on and on. He expects me to be so grateful because he reckons lots of other men don't do housework. But I'm fed up of everything being done badly, I'd almost rather he didn't do anything. He is completely hopeless at housework. I feel that I still love him and want to be with him. But I also feel like this isn't my house and all the clutter and dirt is invading my brain. I would like to be able to walk across a room instead of picking my way through abandoned toys, shoes, crisp packets etc. I remember on one occasion I had to pack my kids' lunches on the kitchen floor because it was cleaner than the worktops.
It's becoming more obvious now because he travels a lot for work. The weeks when he's away I have a nice house. I can come downstairs in the morning and make my breakfast. As soon as he gets back from a trip he starts scattering his belongings all over the place. He's been back for three days and his suitcase is still in the living room. This morning I had to do so much clearing up before I could make my breakfast as every surface in the kitchen was spattered with grease and covered with cooking equipment.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I can't have friends round because it's too dirty and messy. And it isn't safe for my DCs either when there are tools lying around. He left his soldering iron plugged in all night on the kitchen table one time. I shudder to think what would have happened if one of the kids had got there before me.
I've just had enough.
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Relationships
Can you leave someone because they're messy?
WoIsMe · 02/05/2016 11:39
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