Hi. First post, so please be gentle.
My DD is 12. She's had nothing to do with her bio dad her whole life. Don't want to drip feed - I met her bio dad when I was 18. He was older. Was married - didn't tell me this - I found out when his wife phoned me. I ended things immediately, then found out I was pregnant. I did tell him, he told me that he had no intention of being involved, would deny paternity, if I wanted support I could get a DNA test and if I still demanded money, he and his wife would move back to the country they came from to avoid it (they are both from another European country originally), and if I tried to contact him directly again he'd call the police and accuse me of harassment. Basically, he was a total prick.
No contact after that for several years. When DD was tiny, I met my now DH, who was amazing and totally took on 'dad' role. When she was seven, he legally adopted her (again - we tried to make contact with bio dad, no response for ages, what response we did get was aggresive, denied paternity again) and since then there's been no contact. As far as DD is concerned, DH is her dad. She knows she has another bio dad, and I've tried to be honest (within age appropriate boundaries) and has expressed curiosity sometimes, but it's never been a huge thing.
Anyway, DD is on facebook. Very limited profile, I have full access, and screen any friends requests etc. She's almost 13, so I thought it was OK. Last week I was checking it with her when a new friend request came up. Checked it. Recognised it instantly as her bio dad. DD didn't recognise the name and commented that it looked like some old guy. I just deleted the request and blocked him.
I am now second guessing myself and trying to work out what I should have done. Should I have told DD that was her bio dad? Should I contact him and try and find out if he wants contact? Selfishly, I don't want him to have contact with her at all. He was a cheating prick when I knew him, he's shown no interest for twelve years and I don't think he deserves time in DD's life. But I think she does have a right to know about him and maybe has a right to a relationship with her bio dad. Legally, he has no rights as far as I know, since she's been adopted. Checking his FB profile, it looks like he's still married, and has a couple of kids with his DW.
Should I contact him? What if he does want contact?
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Relationships
DD's bio dad contacting her on FB
whattaday · 30/04/2016 22:28
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