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I can't get past my husbands stupidity

(73 Posts)
GoodbyeDoggy Tue 26-Apr-16 17:10:56

Some of you may remember as I've had a few threads about this, basically my husband bought me a surprise puppy for Christmas. It was exciting at first but I soon realised that it was going to be way harder than I thought as he'd bought a beagle X. We have 2 young children, I've never owned a dog before and beagles are notoriously hard to train, some say the hardest dog of all.
I've managed to rehome the puppy now as I was so out of my depth and dh did fuck all with him.

I'm still so annoyed though. He insisted he'd researched the breed but I can't see how when every website says how hard they are. He would complain every time the dog barked (a lot of the time!), never walked him and got frustrated when the dog misbehaved through boredom.

I don't know how to get past how stupid he was. He won't admit he was wrong, he thinks it's my fault because I've always gone on about how much I want a dog. He's usually a good husband, this isn't something in a long line of things.

How do you move past the resentment? I can't get over it. Sorry I've rambled on.

Jan45 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:20:52

You won't get past it until he actually admits he fucked up, how he can blame you is beyond me, what an idiot, it's such a massive commitment.

Getting a dog should be discussed, not tied up in a bow and presented to you as a Xmas present, poor dog!

Iamdobby63 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:26:09

Depends what you search, if just 'beagles' then mostly what you will learn is how good they are around children. So he may have searched about the breed but not about training of the breed (as you probably have).

The dog has gone and I doubt he will do it again - so maybe it's time to move on.

GoodbyeDoggy Tue 26-Apr-16 17:27:45

He blames me because I have always been very vocal about how much I want a dog. I can see why he did it, he thought it would be a lovely surprise. It might have been had he chosen an easier breed or said "hey, let's go choose a dog together!". A beagle is totally inappropriate for us.

Every time I try and ask what he was thinking he shuts down or turns it around on me. This leaves me unsatisfied and nervous about bringing it up again, yet it's always on my mind.

BunchOfBobs Tue 26-Apr-16 17:35:22

It was wrong for your DH to buy you a dog as a present. No dogs should be a gift. But I have to correct you saying Beagles are hard to train. I have one. They're the easiest dogs to train in my opinion as they're so food focussed, so you're certainly wrong saying every website has said how hard they are. I struggle to find one that says so.

Your DH also didn't go to a reputable breeder as no puppies should be available around Christmas if the breeder is a good one. Poor puppy, I hope you throughly checked the people you rehomed him with and he now doesn't have a life being passed pillar to post.

operaha Tue 26-Apr-16 17:41:49

I have a beagle, they're so easy to train, mines an angel.
But anyway, our entire family agreed to get him and we all researched the breed before buying him. We also met him several times from the age of 2 weeks to when we bought him home, spent time with his parents and siblings.
Your dh sounds completely naive, that is not the way to get a dog.

But yes, time to move on.

operaha Tue 26-Apr-16 17:42:59

Also, puppy training classes, 2 long walks every day etc. Does not sound like you were ready for a dog full stop.

Iamdobby63 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:46:09

It reads to me that you are both disappointed in how it all turned out. Whilst I don't agree with purchasing any animal as a present I think he was coming from a good place, and as you said you were very happy and excited until you discovered how difficult puppies are.

I'm also a beagle owner and mine is stubborn but as a puppy was no more destructive than any other puppy I've had.

Just agree that any further pet purchases will be made jointly.

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes Tue 26-Apr-16 17:46:47

Beagles are generally easy to train.... But what was it crossed with?

Wuffleflump Tue 26-Apr-16 17:47:32

No lasting damage done.

It might be annoying that he won't admit his error, but I don't think there is much to gain from trying to force one out of him. The more you make a big deal of it, the harder it is going to be to get an apology. He will retrench, you will resent it, you will make your relationship worse over something it is too late to change.

I'm afraid you just have to let it go. He made a mistake, but everyone came out of it with their health and happiness intact, and puppy is presumably with a home that is better for him/her.

The only thing that might have an ongoing effect is if he uses this as an excuse not to get another more suitable dog, should you want one. At that point it is fair to bring it up.

ChicRock Tue 26-Apr-16 17:49:36

He did a stupid thing for the right reasons or with good intentions.

I must admit I've looked up beagle puppies and can't find anything online that indicates that they're significantly more difficult than any other puppy to train, and every site says they make ideal family pets. I suspect any puppy you chose, even if you'd had some input, would have been harder work than you anticipated.

You've presumably made your feelings on the whole matter crystal clear. The dog has gone. Tbh if you keep banging on about it I'm not surprised he shuts down.

Time to let it go.

WellErrr Tue 26-Apr-16 17:53:01

Beagles are NOT generally easy to train.

And yes, you won't get past this until he admits he fucked up.

I've read your threads and you've been very responsible about this, but prepare for a flaming as this is AIBU which to some people means 'let loose all your anger and frustration!'

GoodbyeDoggy Tue 26-Apr-16 17:53:04

on the first google page I've found 3 websites that say they are hard to train. Everyone I've spoken to at rescue centres have said how hard they are to train. If you google beagle mumsnet you will see many threads of how hard they are to train and not recommended for a first time owner. How could he not see all of these things?

Maybe I need to get over it. It's his attitude that has pissed me off the most.

ChicRock Tue 26-Apr-16 17:54:16

WellErrr nope it's Relationships.

WellErrr Tue 26-Apr-16 17:56:42

WellErrr nope it's Relationships

Oh. Well LTB then.

grin

pamish Tue 26-Apr-16 18:02:13

Get him a pony.
.

pocketsaviour Tue 26-Apr-16 18:03:39

Is this the latest of a long line of crap decisions he's made and blamed you for? Because you do seem to be disproportionately angry about this one thing. If he generally is a good partner and tries to do the right thing, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

dotdotdotmustdash Tue 26-Apr-16 18:04:48

I don't think this situation has anything to do with the fact that the pup was a Beagle. You said yourself that you were excited when the pup arrived, so he actually did achieve his objective of pleasing you. Where you both went wrong (somewhat understandably) was that neither of you had any idea about the time and commitment that goes into rearing a pup of any variety. It's tough and many inexperienced people give up early on - it's worse that having a baby!

Forgive each other, the pup is sorted elsewhere and the two of you have to go on. Next time you think about dog ownership be much prepared. Research the right dog and do lots and lots of thinking about what you can realistically offer it before you go any further.

dotdotdotmustdash Tue 26-Apr-16 18:05:14

*much more prepared

Costacoffeeplease Tue 26-Apr-16 18:10:21

I'm afraid I would never get past something like this - it is irresponsible in the extreme, encouraging puppy farms, treating animals as disposable objects - he'd have been out the door if he'd done that to me, no question

FuriousFate Tue 26-Apr-16 18:22:53

Agree with Costa.

FWIW, I was annoyed when DH bought me a voucher for a massage somewhere that wasn't open when the kids are in school, ie the only time I could go. Yes, it was a nice thought, just not thought through to its inevitable conclusion. I'd have gone batshit if he'd bought a dog that meant way more work for me!

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 26-Apr-16 18:24:49

I wonder how much of this is him thinking that the dog would be yours, (I will walk it, look after it, take care of it) and you thought of it as the family pet (you think why won't he walk our dog? Him thinking why won't she walk her dog?)

Believeitornot Tue 26-Apr-16 18:28:15

If this was the only indiscretion on his part then why are you so resentful confused

Costacoffeeplease Tue 26-Apr-16 18:31:09

If he generally is a good partner and tries to do the right thing, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

He cannot be a good partner and go and buy a puppy from an unknown source as a surprise Christmas present.

I am absolutely furious on behalf of that poor dog, barely 6 months old and already passed on, when are all the brainless idiots in the world going to get it into their tiny skulls that you do not ever buy an animal as a surprise present - especially at Christmas

Costacoffeeplease Tue 26-Apr-16 18:31:55

If this was the only indiscretion on his part then why are you

FFS - do you really not get it?

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