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Unsure about my Dad's girlfriends motives

(11 Posts)
bewilderedfish Sat 23-Apr-16 12:03:13

I'm not sure whether to say something about what is going on - my father is a bit of a hothead where his women are concerned and I've learned over the years that they come first.

He met this woman about a year ago. He is nearly 70, she is closer to 50. He always becomes distant to me when there's another woman on the scene - his last LTR the woman was quite nice and I think encouraged him to keep in touch with us but that broke off. He met this new woman within weeks.

This new woman though is a different kettle of fish altogether. She has come across as quite an astute piece of work and it appears she is encouraging my father to stop contact with me and my children.I dont hear from him any more and whenever I call she answers. If I ring his mobile the call is never returned. Now the worrying part - I have heard through friends that he has made huge expensive changes to his house / car/ bought lots of stuff etc which is a bit out of character for him (hes a bit of a miser usually).

The icing on the cake is that I have now heard that she has handed my dad 50k in exchange for half his house! My father has always been a bit wowed by large sums of cash and has probably thought this was a great deal. She wasnt feeling settled in the house apparently and it didnt feel like it was hers.

She has moved her adult DC into her house so that remains entirely hers.

I have the feeling my father is being financially 'done over' but Im not comfortable with saying anything. My father is in good health but has always been swayed by his dick unfortunately.

Should I say anything or keep quiet?

Sleepybunny Sat 23-Apr-16 12:17:59

Unfortunately he is an adult able to make his own decisions.

He doesn't sound like a father I'd want much to do with anyway.

Let him make his mistakes, why do you care?

Finallyonboard Sat 23-Apr-16 12:31:02

I'm not sure you can do anything. My 'd'f has wasted so much money on marriages, relationships and (multiple) divorces. I can't be bothered with the emotional impact of him choosing women/new families over me and mine so I've walked away. My DSiS has told me to keep in contact for the inheritance but I don't want it and actually don't think he'll leave anything to anyone other than the step family he has at the time he dies. To me, this is what men do. He's made his choice, he's already given her half of his house while they spend the £50000 together now, so there isn't anything you can do sadly!

How much is his house worth out of interest?

0phelia Sat 23-Apr-16 12:40:42

Sorry you are in this situation... She has probably ripped your dad off. Unless the house is actually worth £100k? Then really, that's fair. Not a lot you can do about it. Your relationship must have been rocky in the first place if all it takes is one new girlfriend on the scene for him to stop contact.

LuckyTr33 Sat 23-Apr-16 12:44:53

"you have heard..."

why dont you go and visit and find out what has happened

Is he going to marry his new girlfriend ?

Secondly I dont think that there is anything that you can do, but you can keep in contact

bewilderedfish Sat 23-Apr-16 12:46:34

Unfortunately he's been like it since my mother died 8 years ago. There was a new girlfriend on the scene almost immediately. His behaviour since has made me reevaluate our once strong relationship as I was so incredibly hurt. He didn't give me anytime to grieve my mum before he'd moved on and was expecting me to just slot this new woman into our lives. As it happened he went on to have three long term relationships, the latest one being the worst out of them all. At least the other women tried to ensure he kept in contact with us.

The house is probably worth about 120k so not that far off half. I'm not really bothered about inheritance, I expect he'll leave everything to this woman if he passes away whilst with her. He's always put all his women (apart from his daughter) on a pedestal.

I'm inclined to say nothing though, he is old and daft enough to make his own decisions. There really is no fool like an old fool!

bewilderedfish Sat 23-Apr-16 12:50:04

I do visit but not often, the new woman makes me feel like an intruder in my own childhood family home. I would never ask about the money, I would find myself out on my ear. The reason I know is he's told his sister (my aunt) and that this woman is 'the one'....

Finallyonboard Sat 23-Apr-16 13:01:27

Bewildered flowers it's not you, this is what men do. I came into quite lot of money (£150,000+) and have other relatives who tell me they want to ensure that I'm comfortable financially when they die so whilst I love my wonderful DH, I will be writing a will to leave my half of our house and 'my' money to our DC not to him. I have been so badly burnt I will always prioritise them as I can't trust that he'd prioritise them over a new partner if anything happened to me. This will sound ridiculous to anyone whose parents are still together but everyone else will likely understand.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 23-Apr-16 13:04:17

She's paid for her half now. And it's normal to leave your house to your partner if you die. So she's really not done anything wrong.

Unless we're saying older people can't have relationships as it jeopardises leaving stuff to their childrengrin

What's unfortunate is that all the money will transfer to her and her children - ie. Out of your family.

I think I'd point that out to him if it was me. That her children will benefit but his wont.

TheNaze73 Sat 23-Apr-16 13:16:34

its not you, this is what men do

What a ridiculous sweeping generalisation of half the population & the complete opposite of what I've experienced.

I hope OP, you can sort this with your Dad. Sadly though, it's his house & his money. Naively been taken in by a younger model, can happen to both sexes.

Finallyonboard Sat 23-Apr-16 13:25:40

Good for you TheNaze, let's hope your DC have the good experience you've had. I'm personally not prepared to hope for the best when it comes to the financial future of my DC.

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