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how can I stop him

(17 Posts)
buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 12:19:37

I posted about this in legal and here previously, but wanted to post an update, am so upset and frustrated.
In short, finished with ea bullying ex, was in first trimester of pregnancy. Am no longer pregnant as of 12 weeks, which was and has been agonizing. Since I informed of him of this, he has been vile, doesn't believe me and has asked for 'proof' that the pregnancy has ended, even getting a solicitor letters to request proof. He says he won't leave me alone until I give him proof.
I don't want to give him proof because
a) I don't feel safe from him once he has the 'proof'
b) I think that won't be the end, he will then harass for proof of how etc
c) because every part of me thinks it wrong to give him this, it is entirely unreasonable and bullying and further ea and have had enough of it...

He's blocked off everything but email, and I have had advice from legal on here, but the latest is that, yesterday I received a call from midwife to say he has called the hospital asking for information about me /the pregnancy. Because he has managed to get info before, and because of the ea they had an alert on my file so didn't give him any information whether I was/wasn't still pregnant etc. She said he got nasty with them and said he was entitled legally and started spouting his 'rights'.
Have re-reported it to Police on their advice as indirect harassment, midwife said she was happy for them to contact her.
The police rang this week to say they would serve the harassment warning, have no idea if they did or not, they have been saying that for weeks. They aren't going to prosecute re harassment because in the torrent of abusive messages, I replied 'leave me alone' to every one...until he was blocked (and moved onto something else) apparently if you reply even once they can't prosecute.
Had crap solicitor who promised the world last Friday but they didn't follow through after the legal aid assessments twice this week, and so another week has gone by and I still don't have non-mol order. They also said it could cost £150-200 a month whilst it goes on, which of course with that dickhead it will. I feel that he is still shafting me, he's still in my life, still controlling financially as he Knows we can't afford that, I only work two days a week, Wtf should we go without to keep this fucker away from us and to feel safe? And he can keep it going and I might have to face him, he gets to still do all that, and I pay for the pleasure?? I actually hate him.
It's been to a marac meeting and I got a victim support worker that's linked to women's aid, and she has sent more solicitors to try.
I'm actually despairing now about what he will do next sad can anyone advise?

shockandawe Fri 22-Apr-16 12:24:12

Sorry no helpful advice.

But flowers for you and a hand to hold.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 22-Apr-16 12:26:31

Don't reply again if he contacts you and then when he continues the police can then prosecute for harassment. I'd also check out that 'if you've responded they can't prosecute' - escalate that through police complaints and it will be looked at properly. You only need two incidences of harassment for them to do something.

You don't owe him anything. Block email/phone. Report to police every time he turns up or contacts you.

You're doing all the right things. You just have to wait until he continues to harass you so they can do something.

I wouldn't pay for a non-mol order. I would continue to press the police to act.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 22-Apr-16 12:27:15

I remember reading your other threads, and I can't believe the awful situation you've found yourself in. And what ever the reason for not being pregnant anymore this must be painful.
flowers
I'm disappointed to hear you've had no luck getting a non-mol order as this gives the police power of arrest I think?
I can understand not wanting to give him proof and I do agree that he'd probably continue the harassment of you.

I'm not very good at advice but didn't want to not reply, I hope somebody comes along with good advice for your.

fuzzywuzzy Fri 22-Apr-16 12:27:44

Call around all the solicitors who have been recommended, have the police recommended any solicitors? I got a non-mol against ex using a solicitor recommended by the police.

Do your police have a DV unit? My local one did and they handled my case and came round and actually carried out a security assessment of my house and made it more secure.

I remember your other thread, have you responded to his solicitor and said you are not pregnant?

BirthdayBetty Fri 22-Apr-16 12:31:48

I remember your other thread. I'm sorry I can't assist you with the legalities as I have no knowledge, but I just wanted to offer a hand hold flowers

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 12:40:36

Thank you.
I did go to GP last week for pregnancy test, still a faint blue line showing. And then went for bloods and the results yesterday were there is still pregnancy hormone, am back to the docs on Monday.
Am so freaked out, I can't sleep at night with anxiety, I'm paranoid I'm being followed.
I know he will keep going, as he said he will do.

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 12:54:52

It is the Police DV unit, they have been useless. I had to travel a three hour round trip and give up a day to hand my phone in, they are not interested, I think they just see it as a domestic re the baby, if that makes sense, which isn't the case at all, it was and is ongoing ea, control and abuse. I am sacred of him, and I have told them this repeatedly. I don't feel that they have kept me safe at all, it's gone on for weeks and I still don't know if they have served the harassment warning letter. Re the complaint, yes will def look into that, his stock response is always my superior made the decision, passing the book.
I've rung my GP to block him from accessing there, I'm now worrying he will get a female to ring the hospital antenatal appt department and find out that way. He knows my dob, address, etc. it would be easily done

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 12:56:29

No I haven't responded to the solicitors letter at all, nor to him

ElspethFlashman Fri 22-Apr-16 13:00:21

Ring the hospital and ask them to add "any and all phone enquiries" to the alert on your file. They did well yesterday.

FellOutOfBedTwice Fri 22-Apr-16 13:14:24

Dick. I remember your previous thread and can't believe he's still giving you grief. I don't have any answers but wanted to offer my sympathy and say keep on at the police. Surely they've got to do more than this to keep you safe.

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 13:17:05

He has just emailed AGAIN with weird stuff never previously mentioned, clearly clustching at straws with anything to get me to respond. I'm going to ring his solicitors today and tell them that I view it as harassment and am reporting to police.

I still have yet to receive the credit card I had issued to you. Please also confirm that you are no longer going to keep the details of my card on file for future purchases. 

I think it fair that you return the amount you cost me on the car insurance (£400) and the train tickets you purchased for your mother on said Amex card. 

My bank details are:

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 13:22:40

Sorry to add, he cced his solicitors in the email and sent it to my work

WallyBantersJunkBox Fri 22-Apr-16 13:37:23

Set up his email to go into a spam folder and don't reply. Get a family member to read them if you can. Or a friend.

Block his number on your phone and don't take any more calls.

Listening to him and reading these emails is making you distressed and sick.

Even if you were pregnant currently (and I'm very sorry for what you are going through now) then actually what difference would it make at this very moment if you'd split up? What would he actually want to do or influence?

There is nothing, he just wants to hold onto the grip of bullying and controlling you.

If he wants proof tell him to come back in 6 months and find out then.

Do you have other children with him op? I'm sorry I haven't seen your other posts.

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 13:44:43

wally - have a 16year old DD, not his. I was only with him 4 months. He is blocked off everything, calls, Facebook, what's app, but is emailing my work address.

I've just put in a complaint with police, so so tired of it all

fuzzywuzzy Fri 22-Apr-16 13:45:31

Don't respond, and certainly don't be paying him anything.

Do sit down with a list of solicitors and ring each one. You will find a good solicitor you need to ring a few first.

As to the police ask for the superiors name, the name of the officer liaising with you and use it in your complaint.

Try also calling rights of women, the offer free legal advice.

buzzpop Fri 22-Apr-16 13:48:23

Thank you fuzzy, will contact rights of women and ring more solicitors fro advice, it's all so bloody time consuming angry I just reported again to 101 and she wa lovely and helped me do a police complaint for the inspector to look at it

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