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At the end of very long tether with son

(25 Posts)
frumpet Tue 19-Apr-16 07:51:39

Oldest child is becoming unbearable to live with , I could almost cope with his total lack of care for anything in the house , or anyone else who lives here . I had forgiven his foray into drugs and believed him when he said he had stopped . I encouraged him to speak to the GP about his depression , he is on the waiting list for counselling at the moment .
Yesterday he had a 'fit' at my parents and they took him to hospital on the GPs advice over the phone , all was fine and he came home . Last night I woke to a noise that turned out to be son having a pseudo fit , seen lots of people having them over the years , so am 99.9% sure that this is what it is . Pretty sure he has been taking something ( diazepam seems to be a favourite ) . The noise woke DH and DD , DH went back to bed but DD was very upset and sobbing , managed to reassure her that he was just a bit drunk and it was all fine and she went back to sleep . I eventually got back to sleep at about 3 to be woken again at 5.15 by him wailing because his back hurts , got him some painkillers , he is angry with me because I may have seemed angry when I was dishing out the paracetamol .
I am concerned that he will use his back as an excuse to get more diazepam , so think I might contact GP to flag this and possibly also suggest fits may be pseudo and could they chase the counselling ?
Got to go to work soon , so please don't think I am ignoring anyone offering advice , I am a HCP but not mental health trained so feeling well out of my depth sad

AddToBasket Tue 19-Apr-16 07:54:08

YANBU. How old is he?

MayhemandMadness Tue 19-Apr-16 08:01:39

Just how old is he? I want to give you some advice but to be honest anything said on here may not work because mental health issues can be very complex and anything suggested here may make things worse. I think chasing the counselling is the best option, if it going to be a long wait then can you pay for some sessions?

Behaviour is a form of communication so I would say, what is he trying to tell you but doesnt have the emotional maturity to recognise the feelings himself - is he worried about something / changes moving from school to college? Exams? His friends have relationships but he doesn't, does he feel neglected etc

RubbishMantra Tue 19-Apr-16 09:17:54

Diazepam withdrawals can cause seizures/fitting. Do you know if his GP was prescribing this for him, (which is fairly unlikely because he's young and their (very) addictive nature). Or has he been buying them off the street.

Has he been asking you or other family members for money lately?

springydaffs Tue 19-Apr-16 10:13:13

Can you pay for counselling?

That said, does he want counselling. Horse to water and ask that.

But how old is he?

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 10:45:37

Your poor child. What on earth is a "pseudo fit", you come across very uncaring. Please seek the help your child needs asap, if he is as bad as you say he can be seen as an emergency. ( I am talking from experience) he sounds very disturbed. And I don't think diazepam is given for back pain.

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 10:47:02

Yes and how old is he?

springydaffs Tue 19-Apr-16 10:55:25

Here we go op. I was going to warn you - didn't you know it's always the parents fault when a kid is out of control? Certainly on mn it usually is.

And CAMHS (just to give you a heads up)

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 11:02:29

Spring I did not say it was op fault but she needs to get him help asap not thinking it is all an act to piss her off.

rainbowstardrops Tue 19-Apr-16 11:07:43

Blossom very harsh to say OP sounds uncaring! You have no idea of the situation that she is in day after day.
Oh and you can be prescribed Diazapam for back pain. I know that from experience.

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 11:14:59

I do know what it is like to have a very disturbed teen, I would be very concerned is mine was acting like that and doing me best to get him help.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Tue 19-Apr-16 11:16:31

I'd call for an ambulance next time he has a fit ," pseudo" or not.
The hospital will then make an assessment of his mental and physical health.
It might serve to be a wake up call for him and make him realise he needs help with his drug habit and or other issues.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Tue 19-Apr-16 11:17:33

I get diazepam for back pain. It is a muscle relaxant.

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 11:18:13

And Diazapam is chiefly used to treat anxiety.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 19-Apr-16 11:22:21

A pseudo-fit is, I think, another term for a non-epileptic seizure. It's quite an old term though as it's easy to assume that it means the patient is faking.

I think the current term is PNES or Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures.

thecatfromjapan Tue 19-Apr-16 11:23:59

Come on, diazepam in this case, is very unlikely to have been prescribed for back pain. Far more likely to be being used because produces feelings of well being.

OP, you are in a horrible situation.

How old is he?

AnotherPrickInTheWall Tue 19-Apr-16 11:26:41

He's 21going by another post.
I agree diazepam is unlikely to have been prescribed for him.

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 11:38:37

scrambled you might be right, I took it as OP thought he was faking, But a seizure is a sezuire, surely to be taken seriously?

ScrambledSmegs Tue 19-Apr-16 12:00:08

Blossom, the OP stated that she is a HCP so I think she probably a) used the term in a professional context, not to suggest he's faking and b) because she's dealt with people having PNES before, she understands the nature of it and whether or not it's a blue-light situation or a make an appointment with the GP situation.

The OP clearly wants to do the right thing here but her son is an adult, and as such she can't make his medical decisions for him, or even make an appointment with the GP on his behalf. She's going to let the GP know about the suspected diazepam abuse and the fits, but there's not a lot she can do until the next time he has a fit.

For the OP - I think if he has another one while he's with you, I agree with previous posters that you should probably call an ambulance. I realise it goes against everything you know as a HCP, as it's not technically an accident or an emergency, but it sounds like it's the only way to get him to engage properly with treatment.

Blossomflowers Tue 19-Apr-16 13:54:13

Um she still has not said how old her son is, what makes you think he is an adult, she refered to him as a child and HCP, could be anything as OP said she has no experience of MH issues. Don;t get me wrong I feel for anyone going through his, but what ever it sounds like this person is very disturbed and needs urgent help.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 19-Apr-16 14:19:27

Because the OP posted an almost identically titled thread in Relationships earlier this year, and she specifically said that her son is 21.

(Sorry for the AS, OP, but I wanted to verify what a previous poster had said before I posted that your son was an adult).

ScrambledSmegs Tue 19-Apr-16 14:26:12

Btw, Frumpet, I think it's a very unsafe environment for your younger children in view of his obviously continued drug-taking, diazepam is a possibility but given his history isn't it likely that he's not actually stopped taking illegal drugs?. I think you had lots of great advice on the previous thread.

frumpet Tue 19-Apr-16 19:28:21

Thank you everyone for your replies , I agree Blossom I did come across as uncaring , but I love my son warts and all , its just that I posted after yet another unbroken night of sleep , I work full-time , everyone in this house is suffering because of the situation and occasionally it makes me angry , along with sad , scared and just down right exhausted !

He is a few weeks off being 22 . When I said pseudo fit , I meant not a true epileptic fit , He also responded pretty quickly to the threat of having a bucket of cold water thrown over him , I know harsh , but I am not at my best in the early hours of the morning , so he came round from the fit and wasn't post dictal but was clearly under the influence of something .

He was prescribed diazepam a few months ago when I took him to the GP when he was screaming in agony with back pain . I know he has also got it from other sources . Fairly sure after a snoop on facebook that this is all he is currently abusing , along with the codeine the hospital gave him for his back .

I think a lot of the latest issues are related to the fact that he is supposed to be moving in with friends at the end of the month , he wants to do this , but has little resilience and huge anxiety issues relating to change or things not going according to plan .

Will speak to GP tomorrow , unable to get the chance as work manic today , cannot afford private counselling until pay day due to poorly car , how would you find a private one ? I think he has addiction issues with diazepam , I want the GP to know so they don't prescribe any more , but can they help with weaning him off it ?

frumpet Tue 19-Apr-16 19:58:51

Sorry forgot to mention the beer bottle throwing yesterday morning , apparently DS was wailing in his room and DH knocked on the door and asked what was wrong , DS went quiet so DH went outside for a cigarette , whilst out there DS threw a beer bottle out of the bedroom window at DH , it landed and smashed right in front of him and he had his back to the window so went over his head . He went to DS to ask what the hell he was playing at and when he opened the door DS screamed and shot up in the air , DH said he was completely out of it .
DH went back to his office and DS got up and went to my parents house where he had the first fit . When he got back from hospital he was absolutely fine , apologised to DH and said he couldn't remember a thing , we put it down to mixing over the counter sleeping pills with alcohol , but when he went out later I discovered an empty diazepam packet in the washing machine with some washing he had given me . I think that's why I was less than sympathetic at one thirty in the morning sad

thecatfromjapan Tue 19-Apr-16 21:38:51

p.m.ed you.

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