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DH's drinking getting me down

(13 Posts)
OpheIiaBalls Mon 18-Apr-16 12:04:34

Just that, really. It's not like he drinks to excess, but every weekend night or night when he doesn't have to go to work the next day, he'll drink say 4-5 pints and maybe a couple of brandies. It's enough to make him argumentative and a bit unpleasant sometimes and it means there's no chance of doing anything else together (like sex - he's said that we can't have sex on these nights because he is having a drink). Consequently my weekend evenings are dull and boring and just really involve me cooking our dinner while he drinks and plays video games or watches TV. He often then just falls asleep after we've eaten. I used to love weekends, now I hate them. Also, he often has a bit of a hangover next day and doesn't usually get out of bed much before 11am so we don't get to do anything with our weekend days either.

He's a lovely man and works very hard all week in a physical job so as he says, he deserves his downtime at the weekends. But I miss our 'couply' stuff so much. If I try to talk to him about it be gets annoyed and tells me he's an adult and if he wants a little drink at weekends, he'll have one. He points out, rightly, that he's not falling down pissed so what's the problem?

Am I being unreasonable and controlling by wishing we could maybe have a weekend night without booze? He makes me feel as if I am, but I don't know sad

MrHannahSnell Mon 18-Apr-16 16:01:47

No you are not being a unreasonable but he is being a selfish arse.

Owllady Mon 18-Apr-16 16:05:19

I think alcohol is only half of the problem, it's the fact he doesn't appear to consider you in any weekend decisions at all sad

TheSparrowhawk Mon 18-Apr-16 16:06:13

If drink is affecting his life (and it is - his relationship and his sex life are suffering) then he's an alcoholic.

TheSparrowhawk Mon 18-Apr-16 16:09:19

Plus he's choosing drink over you. You've told him how it affects you and he's told you he'd rather drink than make you feel better.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 18-Apr-16 16:16:15

His binge drinking at the weekend is a recent thing? Is there any reason behind it? Is he stressed and anxious at work and using alcohol because he can't relax?
Could you have friends or family over at the weekend? If dh gets up at 11am surely there's time to do something as a couple.
It's worrying that he is not taking your needs into account or listening to you.
Instead of complaining to him that you are missing out at the weekend and not getting much attention, could you put a different spin on it and tell him you're concerned about his moods, drinking and opting out of life in his downtime?

FellOutOfBedTwice Mon 18-Apr-16 16:16:38

I went out with someone like this- he too would "warn" me we wouldn't be having sex because he was drinking that night. It was boring. I adopted a "can't beat em, join em" attitude and got drunk with him but it wasn't sustainable. Was one of the reasons we split up. Neither DH or I drink at home now and I prefer it that way, eventhough I'm in no way against drinking per sa.

Could it be that he doesn't know any other way to relax? Is there something you could do together that would be relaxing- hobby or exercise etc?

Jan45 Mon 18-Apr-16 16:18:58

Well first off stop thinking it's normal, it's not, we all can like a drink but to drink on your own whilst your partner hangs about in the sidelines, I don't think so!

He's incredibly selfish and what a put down, he'd rather sit and drink himself to sleep than be involved in a relationship with you, or does he just expect you to put up and shut up - no way should you OP, he's treating you like you don't exist, stop going along with his selfish ways, go out and do your own thing, leave him to it and make it very clear to him that you don't want to be with a man that is choosing this over having a life with you, I'd not put up with this crap.

Duckdeamon Mon 18-Apr-16 16:23:09

So he has an alcohol problem.

Drinking well over recommended amounts for one "session" and week. Prioritising booze over other things he could be doing and over his relationship. Arguing he "deserves it" or needs it to unwind after a week at work. Being "unpleasant" when drunk but not changing this.

For a start I wouldn't be cooking him a meal while he drinks and games away every weekend!

pocketsaviour Mon 18-Apr-16 20:19:51

It sounds like he basically prefers a single lifestyle of doing whatever he wants, but with you there to do his washing and cooking.

Do you have children together?

Wolfiefan Mon 18-Apr-16 20:23:43

Regularly drinking that many units in one sitting is a problem.
Drinking stopping you doing other things (sex. Time with partner). Problem.
Drinking affecting relationship. A problem.
He has a problem. He doesn't see it. You either keep on accepting his attitude and alcoholism or leave.
Sorry.
flowers

Lilaclily Mon 18-Apr-16 20:25:18

Is it just Friday and Saturday night or is it starting to turn into Thursday ' because it's nearly the weekend' and Sunday ' because it's still the weekend'?

EponasWildDaughter Mon 18-Apr-16 20:28:56

''He has a problem. He doesn't see it. You either keep on accepting his attitude and alcoholism or leave. Sorry. flowers ''

Sums it up for me. I am sorry OP.

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