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He left but I'm the baddy

(8 Posts)
0palfruit Wed 13-Apr-16 23:28:11

Husband left 2 years ago. I was gutted, I was ill with heart ache/stress/anxiety from it. Anyway I got stronger. I want a divorce. He is happy living seperately and staying married! He doesn't want a divorce! He is practically saying he wants to fix things! I CAN'T get back together and become vulnerable again. No way.

But of course kids and MIL all see me now as the 'baddy' because I'm not letting daddy come back! I imagine if I file for divorce eldest child will hate me. 😢😢😢

Marchate Wed 13-Apr-16 23:31:37

He's playing with you. Was he having an affair?

honeyroar Wed 13-Apr-16 23:42:21

He should have thought about that two years ago! You're not a toy he can put down and pick up. He's too late. You've moved on and he's left behind.
Your children will be fine with you divorcing (sooner or later), they're already used t him having left.. As for your MIL, if she really would think that as a grown adult her opinion is not worth a second thought!

0palfruit Thu 14-Apr-16 00:09:02

Thank you posters I need this. I need to be strong. He wasn't having an affair as far as I know. He said he wasn't in love with me anymore.

During the baby years he wasn't getting what he wanted in the bedroom and felt rejected.

mumndad37 Thu 14-Apr-16 00:13:10

Awww diddums. Poor guy. I would think 95% of new fathers feel this way, but most of them are more concerned about the new mum recovering from the birth, and trying to help around the house or with night feedings, etc. Not complaining, and then moving out!!

LineyReborn Thu 14-Apr-16 00:20:15

Fgs tell your DC the truth as kindly as you can and answer all their questions as gently as you can, and be honest and firm with them. Children can deal with the truth better than lies, as long as they know you will never leave them. That YOU will stay. Unlike shithead.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 14-Apr-16 14:08:12

He said he wasn't in love with me anymore
A-ha. Well all know what that means.
Anyway... you don't want him back so tough shit.
Tell him to stop using your DC in all his games.
It's not fair.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

mix56 Thu 14-Apr-16 16:55:01

You need to explain, that when he left, your world fall apart, he hurt you more than you ever knew it could hurt. slowly you pieced your life back together, reconstructed your life. He got what he wanted.
However now, your are a new person, you have had to have change, become stronger to survive. Along with this change, comes the reality that you don't love him anymore & that you will never put yourself in that position again.
he may have changed his mind, but the doesn't delete the past.

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