I am in a relationship that isn't going brilliantly well right now, but I'm on the verge of making a decision about moving in with the man I've been in a close committed partnership with for almost a year. I know the common sense thing would be to absolutely not to do it, but I am not happy about where I am living and my boyfriend has a beautiful apartment that he needs financial help with, so me paying half the rent would help him out of a difficult situation and save me from finding my own place that would cost much more.
The reason the relationship is not going well is that I have discovered the extent of his money woes and it has changed the dynamic - not that he is not unkind or abusive in anyway, but rather instead of the equally solvent, successful man I thought he was it has become clear that is not the case at all. The moving in would work if I was only going to have to pay half the rent - that way, instead of paying all mine and half of his as I have been for the past few months, I'd sort of be quids in by only having to pay half on one apartment. On the other hand, if I do have to pay all of his and every other expense too, I am already feeling resentful. He's been supportive to me in my longish episide of depression lasting the past six months or so, so I'm questioning why I cant be equally generous with my money since it will help him out. But at our stage of life - we are in our 50s - I think that high earning potential is unlikely for him and so I am setting myself up for paying for him indefinitely. I wish it didn't boil down to money, but with all the other feelings swirling around, this is the one that comes to the surface most often. I don't want to be kept by him: I just wish he didn't need to be so supported by me.
I still rent my own place, but because of my depression, I have a real phobia about returning to it, so I have effectively been living with him for 5 months, just not moved anything in yet.
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Relationships
I'm sure the advice would be not to do it
surbiton1961 · 11/04/2016 16:22
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