I've been wondering if I should post for a while now, but after another incident this morning, I've bitten the bullet.
For background - married 5 years, 1 child age 15months. I pretty much feel like I hate my husband 
there are a few reasons, just around the time I got pregnant with dd we bought out first house together, long story short, I found out from the mortgage application summary that he has a child with someone else and is paying maintenance via an attachment of earnings order. I've tried to talk to him about this as obviously my dd has a brother and I don't want her to grow up with family secrets... Every time I bring the subject of this up he shuts me down, I'm not even allowed to mention anything to do with why he didn't tell me, or anything about the boy. He just will not enter into discussion at all. All he will say is he 'is not the child's father, because he doesn't want the child' 
He insists on getting up in the night and won't allow me to go to our dd. He says this is because when I do I just shout 
FYI I'm not a shouty person, I concede in the early days of dd I may have spoken sharply to him the next day after being up all night with her (reflux, cmpa), especially if he expecting me to wait on him hand and foot as he played PlayStation...
Anyway, he works during the week and I was made redundant just before maternity leave so I'm still at home (I am looking for work but there is a huge downturn in my industry just now, it's not easy!) Also I have no income but I do have savings and I use my savings to pay half the bills and buy all the food. So every weekend he wants to spend time with dd, I barely get a look in, but ok I scrub the house, washing, ironing etc, prepare breakfast and lunch for him during the week make nice meals for us all...I know he wants to spend time with her. But all he does is moan about how he does all the childcare when he's at home. He makes out that I'm lazy and can't be bothered looking after dd As he gets up during the night, maybe once or twice, he is tired in the morning, so he just doesn't leave for work until 8:30 it's and hour commute and he's supposed to start at 8, he thinks this is perfectly acceptable (he also comes home and tells me what to programmes he managed to sneak watching and what computer games he played at work...) I'm sure his colleagues must think I'm awful, he really does make out I'm a horrendous lazy bitch. He hates me trying to take over if my dd has been upset for some time (he doesn't seem to get she is 15m and shoving a bottle in her mouth is not what she needs) the incident this morning was he went to the loo and left her crying in her room, so I went through, changed her nappy, put clean clothes on, as I was doing this he came back through, tried to grab her off the floor, I pushed his arm away (wrong I know) just gentle because I was in the middle of dressing her, he then grabbed my arm, pushed me back into the radiator and punched me in the side of the head, yelling don't you dare hit me. I'm so confused.
He is a 'Daddy Martyr' in my opinion but he is convinced all the problems are down to me and that I am lazy and don't parent / look after myself / / the house properly. The thing is I'm not sure if it is me or not. The thing is I'm not really sure what a normal relationship is like, maybe this is it? I hate him when he does things like this, but I had a dysfunctional upbringing and I don't want my dd to be from a broken home. So, anyway I'm sorry for the long, indulgent post, but is it me, do I sound lazy and entitled, perfectly willing to be told it is me! Just feel like I've lost all perspective and I don't have a clue about anything anymore thanks if you managed to get to the end of my navel gazing rant
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Relationships
Is it actually me?
LithuanianDogfi5h · 11/04/2016 06:53
Your daughter already lives in a broken home. But you can make this better and get out.
The reason why you are so unsure of which way is up is that you are a victim of emotional and physical abuse.
Your next steps are to see a solicitor and get divorced, call Women's Aid and take steps to becoming completely free of him.
Do you have friends and family to rely on? Because this is the time to call on them.
Oh I thought everyone would tell me to get a grip and that its all me and the poor man was entitled to a private life.
What happens when you contact the police about this kind of thing? It's the first time he's hit me, does that change anything?
This is horrible - you must tell the police what he did to you and make plans to get away from him 
I don't have any friends I don't really have a good relationship with my family, when I tried to talk to my mum when I found out about his son, she just said he's entitled to a private life and I should respect his wishes. So no help there, really.
I hadn't thought about him behaving like this with his ex, it's a possibility- to be honest, I was pretty sure it was just me expecting something from life/my relationship that wasn't possible or realistic.
Hopefully he goes to work soon and once dd has her nap I will ring Women's Aid for some advice.
Thanks all
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