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Really unsure if I should continue or not.

(10 Posts)
mouseymummy Sat 09-Apr-16 14:37:51

Right... Been over 2 years single after dv relationship, 3 kids, one disabled. Tried online dating, not really for me as I only met strange ones or ones who raised red flags.

During the past year, I've been chatting with a group of people who I admin a fb group with, they've been there through the horrific dates, the operations for my daughter and we generally support each other through the crap and the good.

One of the guys had a relationship break down not long after I joined the group due to infidelity, we all supported him through the worst and one night we got chatting as he's the same age as one of my siblings and we have similar interests...

That night he called me and in the fashions of teens we spent all night on the phone 😳 We laughed and joked and we just got on.

I've always found him physically attractive and I admitted this during our conversation and he said he had always liked me but wanted to get over the last relationship etc.

We've started seeing each other and I thought it was going well, we've been together 5 months now and he's met my kids, he lives a distance away so for the first few visits, it was when the kids had gone to bed etc, him leaving before they woke.

He's met my brother and sister in law, plus my dad. He is coming up as often as he can with work and his kids, but I don't feel like he's fully invested in the relationship. I'm yet to meet his family, he still lives with his uncle after the split so he comes here, we don't go there.

Last time he was here, he was talking to his uncle outside while he had a cigarette and I overheard him refer to me as his mate he games with. (One of the kids was playing in the garden while I was in and out sorting washing and he said my dd was "my mate I'm here to sees kid")

So I'm the mate he games with... Not the woman he's been sleeping with for 5 months :/

I don't know what to do.

ive tried talking to him but it's just excuses.

ImperialBlether Sat 09-Apr-16 14:40:07

I wouldn't like that. He's an adult isn't he? He shouldn't be passing off his girlfriend as this woman he knows! God, it's hard work finding a really good guy, isn't it?!

mouseymummy Sat 09-Apr-16 14:42:48

Yeah!! I thought I had done too 🙁

I presume he's an adult. He's 28 fgs!!

pictish Sat 09-Apr-16 14:44:57

Yeah I'd have balked at that one too I think. Perhaps he's just not quite ready for it to become official in his family yet for whatever reason? It might not be sinister, just caution/privacy. I agree this is something to raise though. What excuses did he offer?

GashleyCrumbTiny Sat 09-Apr-16 14:48:37

Benefit of the doubt, there may be a reason he's keeping you under wraps. But I'd definitely want to know what that was. Ask him why he said that. His answer will tell you a lot!

FiaMarrow Sat 09-Apr-16 14:51:49

Maybe he's not ready to tell his Uncle yet? Could be he's worried he'll ask him to move out if he thinks it's serious with you?

mouseymummy Sat 09-Apr-16 14:55:20

Mainly that his mum thinks he should be concentrating on his kids n not women and that his ex wouldn't be happy he's moved on.

I know his ex has been funny in the past (3 new men since they broke up, increases in contact when she starts seeing new men n then at the first sign of trouble stops contact for a few weeks then resumes it)

Muddlewitch Sat 09-Apr-16 15:02:13

I think you probably should just ask him, but I wouldn't worry about too much. Families are all different - I love my family but don't tell them the ins and outs of my life and probably wouldn't tell them about someone I had been seeing for a relatively short time either, I'm quite a private person and a commitment phobe

I have friends that share everything with their families and friends that think I'm odd/secretive - I'm not especially, we are just all different.

mouseymummy Sat 09-Apr-16 15:06:13

hes meant to be coming up next weekend (work depending) so I'm hoping to talk to him face to face rather than phone or video call.

I'm not expecting to meet his family yet, I'd rather understand this and be open about it all. I could understand if he said he didn't see a future, but he says the complete opposite.

pictish Sat 09-Apr-16 16:57:09

The maybe he just can't be arsed with their disapproval, or the head nip he'll get for going against their instructions advice.
Seems plausible enough to me - he's not obliged to tell them anything he'd rather keep to himself.

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