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the begging stage

(13 Posts)
minop Fri 08-Apr-16 18:50:55

Back history; DH got caught sexually harassing a work colleague and got sacked. They had an emotional there for six months but then she wanted to end it he didn't and carried on sexually harassing her. He pinned her against a wall and forced her to kiss him and other inappropriate behaviours.

Throughout his disciplinary he was not honest with me once and I couldn't handle not only the details but the constant lies to try and cover this up. We have 2 dcs and I have a DD from a previous relationship. They are handling this well as am I. I put my big girl socks on pulled them up and cracked on. I took the lease on the house, dropped a day at work, sorted childcare and my finances are all sorted. As much as it hurts I'm strong and will be for our kids.

What I am struggling with is the constant messages, not about our kids but all about how I'm throwing this away. I'm been silly. He loves me. He's sorry. He would never lie again blah blah et cetera et cetera et cetera! It's driving me nuts! I either ignore him or text 'leave me alone and concentrate on your kids' I do not get drawn in to a conversation about us as I'm not ever going back! I've told him this with conviction but it doesn't stop! He's has them for tea tonight for 2 hours and I have 6 messages from him all about how he wants me back! I told him to put his phone down and play with the kids!

How long will this last?angry

ivykaty44 Fri 08-Apr-16 18:58:26

Till he finds someone else sad sorry

Put a template text together and keep sending the one and only template text to every single text

No is a complete sentence

You should have thought about all this month's ago

Concentrate on your dc and moving on

I'm not interested, just text about the children only

Hth

tilliebob Fri 08-Apr-16 18:58:54

You've been silly and you're throwing it all away? hmmOr he has? You sound well rid of that waste of space. Can't you have that phone only for dc contact and have another phone/number for everything/everyone else?

DancingGoose Fri 08-Apr-16 19:09:02

It sounds like he's harassing you now.

GingerAndTheBiscuits Fri 08-Apr-16 19:11:08

Can you get a separate phone and either give him that number and only turn it on when he has the kids and ignore it the rest of the week? Or change your number and use your current one as the main point of contact?

FishOn Fri 08-Apr-16 19:14:01

YOU'RE throwing it away?!!? He's got a cheek.

I like the 'send the same text back to every time' option. Should soon bore him, you'd like to think.

You're doing brilliantly - well done flowers

minop Fri 08-Apr-16 19:19:59

The things he's come out with this past week! He's a little boy who can't take responsibility for his own actions! God knows how I laid next to him for 8 years and had no clue who he was!

Loving the same text reply! Hope he gets bored soon!

Fairenuff Fri 08-Apr-16 22:11:51

Ignore every message like that. Delete it ignore. Do not respond. That's the only way to get it to stop. If you reply after 20 messages, then he just knows that he has to message more often.

SmokyJoJo Fri 08-Apr-16 22:20:03

Agree with the template text.
Sorry you're being harassed.
You sound like a brilliant mum & a super-strong person. wink

minop Fri 08-Apr-16 22:40:56

Thanks guys!
It's hard not to rip into him after each one but I know that won't help or make him stop.

FluffyPersian Fri 08-Apr-16 22:50:23

It sounds a bit like a script, doesn't it?

Has emotional affair with woman at work who ends it.. but HE doesn't want that.. so he harasses her and harasses her...

Wife finds out and dumps him... but HE doesn't want that... so he harasses her and harasses her...

I'd be incredibly angry with him - not just for cheating, and for sexually harassing another woman, but for his audacity to think all he has to do is 'wear you down' and you'll come back to him. I'd not reply to any text unless it's about the children - ignore everything and don't give him something to engage with.

You're not throwing anything away, you're gaining self respect and a happy life as you won't be with such a creep.

minop Fri 08-Apr-16 23:00:58

My thoughts exactly! I said the very thing to him today when he dropped the kids off 'is this how you made her feel' In her statement she said he asked her how long before she gave in.

How did I not know what a creep he is! Only thing I kick myself about as I had no idea at all!

Just have to be glad I found out and got out!

SolidGoldBrass Fri 08-Apr-16 23:36:03

You have had a lucky escape: this man didn't 'cheat', he sexually assaulted a woman - 'emotional affair', my arse! I bet the poor woman was only ever being polite to him and trying to keep him at arms' length in the first place.

I wouldn't be surprised if his problem is straightforward madonna/whore complex - I bet he stopped having sex with you once the DC came along, and has always considered women less than human. Tell him that while you will facilitate contact with DC, you have no wish to discuss anything with a sex offender and if he doesn't keep his distance and leave you alone, you will report him to the police for harassment. (You have every right to reject any contact from him outside of the bare minimum to arrange his time with DC or any financial matters and you can do this via a third party if necessary).

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