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Can introverts and extroverts really be happy together?

(10 Posts)
iseult77 Wed 06-Apr-16 15:15:16

I am in my late 30's and have been single for about a year now. I haven't been looking and I have no intention of putting myself on a dating website! My feeling is if I meet someone then so be it, if not I'm happy on my own. And I really am happy to be alone much of the time, I am a definite introvert. I work at home alone and often go days without talking to anyone and it never bothers me and I've never felt isolated. I do have friends and enjoy seeing them and doing things but only once a week or so. I did live with my previous partner and that was fine but in the end things broke down between us because he was very much an extrovert and wanted to socialise every night of the week so he's be down the pub or inviting people over and it drove me crazy. I didn't mind him going out but in time he resented that I wouldn't come very often and that I resisted the open door policy he wanted out home to have.

So now I am being pursued by a man, a friend of a friend who seems very keen and has had a thing for me for ages so I am told. He is in his mid 40's and I do quite like him he is handsome, funny, intelligent and has a lovely full head of hair! He is also very extroverted and sociable. I've always attracted men like that and I have no idea why. I have seen him a few times as friends but he is very clear he wants more and would like us to date.

I do like him a lot but I worry that I am just repeating old mistakes by going with that same kind of guy who always goes for me. I know I am jumping ahead of myself here a bit but if he were able to respect the sanctity of home and didn't mind having to go out alone most of the time then that could be perfect but does it ever work out like that or would resentment always occur eventually?

My friends older sister who is herself a divorcee and around his age is interested in him. She is very loud and bubbly the exact opposite of me and at the moment he doesn't seem into her romantically but I imagine he'd have more compatibility with her or someone similer rather than a hermitess like me.

So tell me ladies, I understand that opposites attract but can introverts and extroverts last longterm without making each other crazy?

Wuffleflump Wed 06-Apr-16 15:40:22

Introvert and Extrovert don't necessarily describe externally observable behaviours.

I'm an introvert who goes out a lot and has a very active social life, but I need to recharge between things or after a few events I'm too run down to do anything for weeks. Equally, you can have shy extroverts who love being around people all the time, but aren't necessarily the centre of attention.

That said, there a few things that can make the kind of situation you describe unworkable, namely:

The person who stays home also wants the OH to stay home all the time

The person who goes out also wants the OH to go out all the time

Bringing people to your home without notice or without asking is the problem in the situation you've described.

The key, as it is with most differences in relationships, is just for both people to understand and respect difference.
Forcing people into roles into which they won't fit won't work. Resenting your partner for not being like you won't work. But if you know what you're like, explain to your partner, and give them space to be the person that they are, I don't see why it wouldn't work.

gottachangethename1 Wed 06-Apr-16 18:32:42

Watching with interest. I'm an introvert (chatty, friendly but can only manage certain amount of time with others before needing time to mysel) whereas dh is an extrovert (hates being alone, constantly wants to be out and about) it does cause problems for us, especially now dd has more or less flown the best & I have less excuses to stay home confused.

rubmytrotters Wed 06-Apr-16 19:49:09

In a word "no".

I think this is the root of the problem in my relationship at the moment. I'm not the typical extrovert, out every night of the week type, but could definitely be described as more of a people person than DH. I can keep myself occupied and don't need to be surrounded by others thought. He, however, really has little interest in connecting with other people. He's a great Dad, good partner but there is something missing in our relationship.

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about it though.

Spandexpants007 Wed 06-Apr-16 20:08:21

Agree introverts can be very social and just need down time to recharge.

Are you sure your ex wasn't socialising heavily because your relationship was floundering?

Does new man socialise every night op? Some people naturally socialise slightly less when they have a partner.

maggiethemagpie Wed 06-Apr-16 20:59:16

My partner is an introvert. I'm an extravert. We're happy as we complement each other.

HormonalHeap Wed 06-Apr-16 23:02:36

I'm an introvert and I think when looking for a partner, we subconsciously go for what's lacking in us. Dh is highly sociable happy to spend 24/7 socialising, whereas I'm happy to see friends but need time on my own to recharge. Dh recharges by socialising. We tend to compromise and meet in the middle.

I don't think you can change your fundamental nature though.

Cookingongas Wed 06-Apr-16 23:12:54

I'm extrovert. Not out every night ( though I was before dc) but definite extrovert.

Dh is introvert. Asd high functioning cannot cope with crowds, parties , loud music, drama, introvert. He can't engage in small conversation. It's meaningful or nowt for him.

We are happy. Very. I bring him out and he reigns me in. It's complimentary. I can love being sociable etc while still being considerate to his feelings, as can he for me.

It sounds like your last relationship with an extrovert was bad- we can be considerate good people, but a lot are selfish, resentful people. As are introverts. Imo whether a person is kind, considerate, respectful and funny is what matters. Not intro or extrovert.

ItsALuigi Thu 07-Apr-16 07:46:28

Both me and DH are pretty similar very introverted probably him more than me.

I like it. I couldn't imagine being made to go out every night or people coming to my home every night in my space. I wouldn't mind every now and again though. It might be nice for someone to bring me out my shell a bit.

heron98 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:00:51

I am an introvert and my DP the opposite. 99% of the time it's fine, he's happy to go out alone and we quite often do separate things.

The 1% that doesn't work is that he loves inviting people to the house which I hate - I don't mind the odd evening but he is always having people around who stay really late and make a noise and mess. I like my home to be calm and quiet.

It's the biggest thing we fall out about - neither of us is more right than the other, it's just a different viewpoint.

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