Some advice would be very welcome. When I met my now-husband I was 26 and never really thought about children very much. I had come out of a horrible relationship with a very unfaithful partner who (along with his family) put a lot of pressure on me to produce a child asap. Therefore after coming out of the relationship and into a new really great one with husband, his saying he really didn't want children was fine by me as all the pressure was suddenly off and I was with someone who really adored me just for me (he still does).
However, I am now 33 and seeing my friends all start families and am feeling increasingly preoccupied by my snap decision to say no to kids all those years ago. I really worry that I am missing out on a wonderful and truly challenging and rewarding experience. I feel I have changed a lot over the years, mainly because I am older and am very loved by my husband, and I am simply thinking more and more about kids no matter how I try not to.
I've started to look at my husbands 100% anti kids stance a bit more closely. He is very edgy about anything that he perceives as too much pressure or responsibility, being very reluctant to even babysit his niece and nephew overnight because it makes him too uncomfortable (I told him he had to). While I have grown more confident and feel a great need for more responsibility and involvement in the world and am getting interested in things like children and future plans, he seems to be pushing anything that seems responsibility away. He struggles to hold down a job because it's not his passion (he is an aspiring photographer and is currently unemployed and vaguely job hunting) and gets terribly ill as soon as a job gives him too much pressure. He struggles to manage his finances and seems only interested in "if we won the lottery" daydreams about the future rather than working with what we have. I manage all our household finances. And every time he hears a baby crying or sees a parent looking vaguely stressed he turns to me with big eyes and says "Thank god that will never be us, it looks so horrible".
I'm not sure what to do. I love my husband dearly and he's absolutely devoted to me. Initially I thought that giving up on children would be fine, great even, because it would open up a whole world of wonderful experiences and adventures that we could have together. But he so consistently can't get himself together or get his head out of the clouds that I'm worried that I might be trading something motherhood for giving my husband the low stress environment that might actually be stopping him from growing up.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I would like children and responsibility, husband does not want either
Sofia83 · 05/04/2016 14:04
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