I am unhappy and I think our relationship is in trouble. He has no idea and thinks things are fine. We've had the same conversations over and over, things change for a bit and then go back.
Good points: thoughtful on big things like birthdays, affectionate, plays with the kids lots, will cook.
Rubbish bits: never sees what needs doing, rarely cleans up after cooking, although says he does but surfaces aren't wiped down. Rarely asks kids to pack away toys, won't do it after they've gone to bed if I'm out at work in the evenings. If he's putting them to bed, they will go about an hour later than if I do it, sometimes 2 hours. He says they aren't tired, but usually he's wound them up and got them very excited and they struggle to calm down. Couldn't get DD, 6 to school on time regularly, they'd be late about once a week or fortnight. He'd blame her for this. She does have some issues and she is difficult in the mornings, but he refuses to get up before 7 which I don't think gives him enough time. When there were road works he blamed them and wouldn't go earlier, just tried different routes which were also blocked. I used to do the run one day a week. I left early because of the traffic, school on time, was told that there is less traffic on that day.
Spends money on rubbish. Has no responsibility for anything financial. I do all bills and sort out his bank account, he pays his share but I organise it. He uses my credit card because he can't be trusted with his own. He maxes them out and only pays minimum off so we decided he wouldn't have one. He buys rubbish for the kids so fills up the house with more plastic crap that they don't need. He also buys a lot of food. He is impulsive with buying stuff, sees it, wants it, will buy it. It's always cheap stuff, but the frequency means it adds up quite a bit.
He doesn't like getting up. Has always worked flexible hours even before kids. At the weekend it will generally be me who gets up with kids. If I insist on him doing it. He will do breakfast, then turn telly on and "chill out on sofa as that's a skill they need to learn", then I get up and get cross that no one is dressed, by then they don't want to, cat's not been fed and breakfast is still on the table. I've pretty much stopped having a lie in as it's harder work. He claims I'm obsessive.
I suppose it doesn't feel like a partnership and i worry that I can't rely on him. For some things I can. But keeping house up together and finances are the biggest ones. These are the main things we argue about. He insists he is doing better than he ever has done and is a lot more grown up now, he is but it doesn't feel enough. Be says he can never do things right or enough for me and I'm always criticising him. He says I need to lighten up more and have more fun with kids and leave stuff, but when I do that, the stuff doesn't get done by anyone.
I can't work out if in expecting too much. I dunt think I am obsessional. I just want him to clean up after himself, be more structured with the kids, DD needs a firm structure in mornings and evenings or else bedtime and mornings are a nightmare and not buy crap.
Sorry it's so long and thanks if you've got this far!
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Relationships
Confused. Is he not pulling his weight or am I expecting too much?
redwinerequired · 03/04/2016 08:05
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