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Child contact... What is reasonable?

(15 Posts)
Homely1 Sat 02-Apr-16 20:55:39

In mediation at the moment. DC having a rough time with seeing dad.... Separated when DC young and no recollection of living with dad (who has been extremely hands off). Ex now wants contact and we are building up in mediation. What sort of build up is reasonable? My concern is how DC will be if too quick vs annoying ex who will then seek court. Alt weeks arrangement. Thank you ever so much.

imeatingthechocolate Sat 02-Apr-16 21:33:24

make a plan slowly building up contact and trust to a view to an every other weekend arrangement? im assuming you want him to have contact there are no issues of him being a father? say about a six months timeframe?

ivykaty44 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:35:42

How old is the dc?

I would try and get the time frame as shirt as possible tbh

Homely1 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:41:07

Thank you. DC is 3 and not been coping with contact that is occurring at present you see. Thus, I just do not know how to build up. Ex has been a rubbish father: hands off, doesn't know what to do with DC and does not have interests at heart. However, that is not good enough for him not to have contact so I have to arrange something.

pallasathena Sun 03-Apr-16 10:32:57

Once a week in a supervised setting. Any more would be overwhelming for your three year old.
Why is the biological father interested now after three years of no contact? I'd be very wary o\p and avoid unsupervised contact until you have some answers.

Homely1 Sun 03-Apr-16 10:56:54

There has been some supervised contact. We have now gone to unsupervised abs are at 3 hours. Apologies, I had not mentioned that. I just do not know how to move things forward, which ex is interested in or he will go for a court order.

pallasathena Sun 03-Apr-16 11:37:40

Sounds as if he's threatening to go for a court order? More background needed o/p if you feel you can share.

Homely1 Sun 03-Apr-16 21:51:28

We separated. He has been uninterested in DC, strung me along, then wanted DC alone but stopped any contact only to reappear again demanding rights. DC had no clue who this person was so we met together. Now having time alone. There is no real passion for DC or DCs needs or interests.

pallasathena Sun 03-Apr-16 22:13:59

Then why on earth does he want access? I'm sorry to be blunt here but you come over as being totally passive, frightened, a bit weak perhaps and the type who would agree to anything. When you have kids, you're supposed to become a lion not a lamb!
If it was me, I'd tell him to naff off. Take you to court? fine, go for it because with his track record he'd be laughed out of court and from what I surmise here, its probably just a threat to get you worked up, re-establish his power and control and he has hasn't he? He's trying to intimidate you and you can't see it.
He's a classic loser o/p. This country is full of them sadly and you're pandering to what he wants not what's right for you and your little one. Get bloody angry o/p and call the loser out.

kittybiscuits Sun 03-Apr-16 22:22:15

That's really out of order pallasthena. He has legal rights and is likely to get an order. Your critcism of the OP is ill-informed and your advice is dubious. Pretty obvios that OP is trying to walk a tightrope here. OP what is his motivation, do you think?

alphacourse Mon 04-Apr-16 07:00:12

He wouldn't be "laughed out of court" pallasthena. He would be awarded 50:50 after a build up period. In my experience the build up for a 3 year old would likely be 6/9 months for a 50:50 order. So depending on what you are building up from/to......Basically an extra overnight per month to increase.

pallasathena Mon 04-Apr-16 07:56:16

Apologies if I've offended anyone.

rumbleinthrjungle Mon 04-Apr-16 09:09:34

He would be awarded 50:50? When he's never lived with the child, had contact with the child before or bothered with the child for three years and this would be a major disruption to the child's settled and established routine? If he and the OP had been living together for the last three years and then split then 50:50 might be a possibility.

I'd think it's far more likely he'll be awarded the bog standard EO weekend with one mid week visit, courts focus on not disrupting children's routines. And the court would very likely expect a gradual build up to overnights considering at the moment he's only up to 3 hours visit at a time.

OP have you had any legal advice?

Homely1 Mon 04-Apr-16 20:26:12

Thank you so much. Yes I do indeed have legal advice. I am trying to stay focussed on DC; I must be honest and say that with ex's past behaviour, it is really difficult. I'm trying though; I just do not want to make DC anxious as DC is already struggling. I am really concerned about how DC would (or rather not) manage overnights. I am fearful that ex will not understand this abs just say he will take me to court.

Homely1 Mon 04-Apr-16 20:26:21

And not abs

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