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I fucking knew it. What a complete bastard.

(34 Posts)
JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 20:44:34

I've just asked OH to leave. He just admitted a girl when he was supposed to be meeting his friend to play snooker. He has form: 5 years ago he led a double life for about six months seeing two (significantly younger) girls from work. We have a 3 year old and he was his fucking world. Shit. What the fuck shall I do? I've asked him to leave and he wouldn't until I threatened to call his mum. This is totally going to out me, but I'm past caring.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 20:45:36

I forgot to include the fact that we are supposed to be getting married in 3 months time and in the process of selling/buying a house

Buzzardbird Sat 02-Apr-16 20:48:16

Firstly, this isn't outing you, there are loads of women in the same position.

Secondly, breathe, it sounds like you are getting out of a very bad relationship.You will be better off for it.

Well done for you for getting him out.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 20:50:12

The thing is it didn't seem like a bad relationship. We used to laugh and have fun, but that's the bloody cliche isn't it. I obviously was never enough for him. I'm just worried about my son and how we'll live.

Buzzardbird Sat 02-Apr-16 20:53:40

You'll find a way that is better than the false pretences you have been living under.

AyeAmarok Sat 02-Apr-16 20:56:43

It's not that you're not enough for him,don't think that.

People like him have something wrong with them.

You deserve so much better. You and your DS will be completely fine.

It's good you found out before you got married and bought a house. It might not feel like it now, but that's a good thing.

It feels shit now but it's better that you know what he is like. The only thing worse than finding a worm in your apple, is not finding it.

flowers

LuluJakey1 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:00:20

You have done the right thing. Don't doubt yourself. Whatever else you do, do not ever have him back. He might promise the earth but he won't change. He has showed you twice now exactly who he is- a liar and a cheat who thinks he can do this to you.
You can sort out the mess of the house and the wedding.
It must feel awful right now and it will feel like that for a while but something much worse could have happened- you could have married him.
You deserve someone better and will meet them one day. Until then you are better off by yourself with your child.
Don't look back.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 21:02:29

We are in the middle of selling our house. I'm thinking maybe that's a good thing as we have equity that we can split and at least I'll be able to get by for a few months. Trying to think of all the practicalities and keep my head straight and not cave and take him back like last time. He must have issues. To lie so blatantly and so many times is beyond belief. I feel so silly that I thought having a child would change any of that.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 21:03:58

Thanks for all your kind words. I know I can do it it on my own though it'll be so tough. How the hell doni explain to my DS that his dad isn't here in the morning?

Superwitchy Sat 02-Apr-16 21:25:21

So sorry you're going through this, it's horrible. But it's not that you're not enough, it's that he has something wrong with him. My first H was the same, except it took me 20 years and 6 dcs to find out. Believe me, your world will be better from now, you just can't see it yet, and your son will be fine. Can you just tell him daddy had to go to work early when he asks in the morning? flowers

Inexperiencedchick Sat 02-Apr-16 21:26:43

flowers flowers flowers

You will get though this. A big hug.

Inexperiencedchick Sat 02-Apr-16 21:27:20

flowers flowers flowers

BoatyMcBoat Sat 02-Apr-16 21:29:40

flowers

Your son will be OK, you don't have to explain to him straight away.

lateforeverything Sat 02-Apr-16 21:32:35

Give yourself at least a couple of days before you think about the practical stuff or the house. Esp as it's Sunday tomorrow anyway. Your mind is not in the best state for making decisions. Focus on your ds.

flowers flowersflowerst

lateforeverything Sat 02-Apr-16 21:34:04

The problem is HIM not you so no more talk of you not being enough flowers

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 02-Apr-16 21:38:34

I'm sorry 💐

Just tell your DS that Daddy is at work, three year olds will believe that 24/7. Leave explaining he's not coming back until until you're a bit stronger and can refrain frm crying or telling him that Daddy has gone because he's an utter fuckng wank badger 😡

Please don't take him back, if not for yourself, then for your son. He's little, in time it's most likely that he won't even remember his Dad living with him. Hard to believe, but true. The older he gets the harder it will be on him and your 'D'P WILL do this again. No matter what he promises, you KNOW he won't he change. Don't let you wanting him to change skew your thoughts.

I'm wondering if you might not be better off taking the house off the market.

GinAndColonic Sat 02-Apr-16 21:42:09

He sounds like a cunt.

Think about it, how many antisocial unfriendly ugly men get lots of women and cheat on them all? Almost non (unless they're on Jeremy Kyle)

Of course you can have fun and laugh and fall in love with a total cheating slime ball.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, 3 year olds are so resilient though, he will adapt so fast. My DH works away a lot and toddler never understands if he's here or if he's not he just gets on with it.

Do you have a friend you can call to come round tonight? Keep you company for a bit?

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 21:42:57

I was sending myalef round in circles today when he was out with DS as I just knew he was at it again. I've read enough threads on here to know about minimising and that's exactly what he tried to do. She is just a friend apparently (who he meets and contacts in secret) and obviously he couldn't tell me as I would be suspicious, due to the shagging two girls behind my back thing. What a complete dick. But unfortunately, great in every other way apart from the fact he can't keep his pants on.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 21:47:11

DD is nearly 4 and v.perceptive but will hopefully believe the work story. I really don't want him to see me upset so I'm going to have to pull myself together somehow by the morning. Yes, unfortunately he is charming which doesn't seem to have escaped the notice of every blonde girl he's ever worked with I'm starting to think.

cupcakesandwine Sat 02-Apr-16 21:47:19

It really isn't you. Having been through this with my exH I think it is a combination of (1) a basic immaturity that means he is constantly looking for praise and validation and that praise is worth more in his eyes from someone new because he already has you in the bag. Check out what the Chumplady has to say about kibble; and (2) the sort of entitled lack of empathy that makes him think he deserves this and stuff you and your DCs because you are just obstacles to him getting the attention he wants. It's him first and everyone else nowhere.

I'm very sorry you are in this position. It's truly shitty, I've been there and so have a lot of women on this board. I do promise you though that ultimately you'll be glad you found him out now and you'll build yourself a new life which is better in many ways than the one you have now. Sounds like crap? Make a note of it and look at it again in 2 years. Unmumsnetty hugs to you and your DC.

Motorheadmum Sat 02-Apr-16 21:56:08

So sorry flowers

I was in your situation before and tbh finding out was the best thing that happened to me. But please take time to work out what you want to do with the house. Don't take him back though! You are strong, by asking him to leave you have proved that.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 22:04:58

He was so surprised when I told him to leave. I wouldn't describe myself as a strong person in the least but I regularly reminded myself that he was absolutely on his last chance. And he knew it. He obviously thought he'd never get found out as I don't believe he's ever risk losing DS. God knows why though, as I found out the last (two) times and he never covers his tracks well enough. After 5 years though I thought we'd done it and were one of those couples who managed to get through the infidelity. Thank God I found out before I stood in front of every one like a prize idiot.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sat 02-Apr-16 22:06:10

Cupcakes I think it's exactly that: needing praise and an abnormal lack of empathy (and foresight).

MrsChanningTatum Sat 02-Apr-16 22:34:32

Yes, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this too. Big hugs.

You must be in shock all over again.
Are you going to ask/tell him to leave, to give you a bit of head space so you can process things?

He doesn't deserve someone like you. What a fool he is.

Keep us updated on here. Just take one day at a time for now. You don't need to make any fast decisions. Would you talk to a solicitor to get to know your rights though?

Dowser Sat 02-Apr-16 22:53:13

My friend is going through is. It's heartbreaking what he's done to her and their two beautiful little ones.

He also had form for this. She's not taking him back. Ive known her husband since he was five . Can't believe it!

Take a day at a time sweetheart. Let the tears flow. Every day you will get stronger, you might slip back a little but never right down to rock bottom.

My piece of doo doo regretted walking out. His huge loss. He died before his time and I'm sure having to live with what hed done to our family hastened his death.

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