Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What happened when you went to Relate?

(3 Posts)
overthehillandroundthemountain Sat 02-Apr-16 14:40:11

I know the spiel but what about the peripheral stuff?
What did you tell the babysitter? And the children (if anything)?
How did you not cry/get angry/storm out?
How did you get home - wasn't the atmosphere really bad in the car?
Did you go separately, even?

I just can't imagine what it will be like. First appointment Monday night. I have no idea what he has told the babysitter, or how we will come out of this.

No bloody idea. sad

wonderpants Sat 02-Apr-16 14:50:24

We just tell the kids that we have a meeting or work thing. Our appointment slot is in the day so doesn't affect the kids that much.

Yes, we cry, get angry- that's okay! We don't storm out as we want to make this work.

We travel together- we had a very difficult session this week and didn't talk in the car. We acknowledged that we had both found it very difficult and talked again the next day. Our counsellor is very good and has talked about how we managing issues outside of the sessions.

We had first initial appointment then went on waiting list which took about 3 months before we got a time slot for counselling. We then had an appointment together, then one each on our own, then session together. If needed, we might do individual ones again, and it felt useful to do so.

It is a very difficult process, it is like opening a cupboard full of junk and once it opens, you cannot stop it coming, nor can you filter the bits you don't want to address. But I feel that if my marriage does end, that we tried everything we could to make it work.

overthehillandroundthemountain Sat 02-Apr-16 14:58:04

Thank you Wonderpants that is amazingly helpful.
It's so hard to work out what is 'normal'. I can imagine it to be like that full cupboard. Even trying to speak to my DH atm is like that. He initiates discussion in bed as I'm falling asleep so I either give it half my attention or I feel crappy the next day (maybe he does it on purpose). I tried earlier but he walked away. I have no clear idea of his life plan for the next few years.

Ok. Was planning on telling the children something similar - work meeting. Maybe same for babysitter.

Wish me luck. I have had one individual initial appointment, as has he. Wonder how it will go, together?

How do you think your 'story' will go? I am of the same opinion - at least I can tell my kids that I tried my best. It's so hard as neither of us finds it easy to talk.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now