I'm at the point of taking steps to separate albeit I'm yet to have the talk with DH. The point of this thread is to remind myself why on the occasions when DH actually does something 'nice' - such as make a cup of coffee, which I realise is really a very small thing but seems like a big deal given he does little else in the house/for me.
So notable things to remember why this is the right thing to do:
- he is rubbish with finances, very much still a whatever attitude to debts/fines etc. self employed and no control or desire to ensure money is in to pay rent etc. I paid for his training c8k then ended up having to use most of the sale proceeds from my property to pay off debt.
- anger. Storms out of the house / breaks things in anger. Harsh with dc - little patience with them and pro smacking which I disagree with. Two big memories that stick - one when I was holding first baby in arms and he was drunk standing in my face and having a go; the other the day after coming out of hospital with2nd dc - having been in for a week with difficult birth - and he argued with me re getting 1st dc ready for school, ended up throwing lunchbox at wall of house outside in anger at me.
- very rarely helps with housework or dc unless I ask. Treats me like a maid - puts dish / cup on clean counter after I've just cleaned up, dirty washing on floor etc. no respect/no equality.
- never cooks, he eats rubbish and often makes himself something without thinking of the dc
- rarely showers, wears same clothes for days, never brushes his teeth
- rarely wants to do anything with the dc - when we go out to eg. theme parks it's pointless as he just moans about queues.
- drinking. Whilst he has given this up, no doubt that he will start again at some point and he has no self control in terms of stopping at a few.
- no support for dc if ill - always me that has to take time off work/ sort them out if sick / upset at night etc.
Overall I may as well be a single parent but happy.
I've contacted a solicitor and have a timeline in my head for next month or two subject to what solicitors advice is but I need to remember at the points where he does the odd nice thing in case I question myself that this situation is not a good one to bring my boys up in. DH has it within him to be nice on occasion but that isn't enough. I am not happy. I should not put up with this anymore.