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How do I get dh to be supportive of me coming off antidepressants?

(24 Posts)
Bringiton2016 Thu 31-Mar-16 21:25:57

Please help, I'm about to LTB. I'm tapering off my tablets, it's all a bit bumpy, due on as well. How do I ask dh for support? All he seems to do is challenge me, antagonise me, increase my anxiety, shout at me for getting snappy, for being short-tempered etc etc.

I've been through it all with him before. He knows it'll be a bit up and down for a bit. I've explained the side effects, I've explained that I need calm and to be left to it. I've asked him not to pick me up if I'm a bit stressy etc. but the bloke can't help himself, and we've just had a huge row.

I feel that if he can't support me when I'm ill then there can be no future.

How do I get him to understand what it's like/what I need?? He's not helping me through this at all, he's actually making a difficult situation a thousand times worse.

Joysmum Thu 31-Mar-16 21:28:54

Take him with you to the doctor so the doc can explain it to him.

Bringiton2016 Thu 31-Mar-16 22:02:55

But intellectually he does know, he just can't help himself pushing and needling me.

RandomMess Thu 31-Mar-16 22:05:23

As much as possible can you take yourself off to your bedroom and tell him to give you LOTS of space ALL the time?

Are you trying to taper too much too quickly?

Bringiton2016 Thu 31-Mar-16 22:21:08

I've halved my dose for the past few weeks. I need to get off them as they're making me so sleepy, I can hardly drive even. It's probably more pmt today.

I normally try and retreat. It's like he's sees it as a sign of weakness to let me get away with being a bit snappy. I know it's not nice, but I always say sorry and explain that I feel uptight or whatever. I'm happy on my own.

Cabrinha Thu 31-Mar-16 22:40:58

He doesn't sound very nice.
Is this genuinely a poor response to you being more difficult to be around whilst reducing your meds, or is he always like this?
Would you need the meds less if he weren't there?

Joysmum Thu 31-Mar-16 23:07:32

Are you weaning off under doctors supervision? It reads like you're doing g this by yourself.

Marchate Thu 31-Mar-16 23:14:13

I agree with Cabrinha. You might not need (so much) medication without him. He sounds unpleasant

HeddaGarbled Thu 31-Mar-16 23:56:21

Except if you are being snappy and short tempered with him are you expecting too much of him? He shouldn't have to put up with a load of shit while you are coming off your medication through your own choice.

It's difficult to know from your post whether he is being deliberately antagonistic as you say or whether he is just defending himself from your unreasonable behaviour.

Would it be possible for you to live separately while you sort this out?

tipsytrifle Fri 01-Apr-16 00:28:52

Repeating a question asked earlier but it's very important regarding you coming off the ADs. Is this via controlled plan supervised by GP?

If so why does dh disagree? If not with a plan have you and dh talked about this? Ads are serious meds and not to be taken/rejected lightly.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 01-Apr-16 00:32:23

Have you resolved the issues or condition that caused your GP to prescribe antidepressants and how long have you been taking them? Is your doctor aware that this medication is causing you to become sleepy during the day?

What antidepressant are you taking and, if sleepiness is one of the side effects, has your doctor suggested trying a different drug?

Hissy Fri 01-Apr-16 00:32:58

This situation isn't right love.

He is not supposed to be treating you worse when you need more compassion!

Bringiton2016 Fri 01-Apr-16 06:19:14

Thanks for the replies. My gp knows I'm coming off 20mg citalopram for sleepiness, but I was supposed to go on to venlafaxine. I decided not to after reading about it. I think my depression may be SAD, but I'm not sure. I was in a bad situation when I went on the drugs buy that has now changed. I've been on them 3 months.

We're both very strong minded so we do clash, bit of a power struggle sometimes. He finds me bossy and makes sure he stands up to me for fear of being a doormat.

It's like he's supportive and kind for a while then it all gets too much and he snaps. I do get it. He shouldn't have to walk on eggshells, but at the same time I'm ill...

I do find the constant struggle between us wearing, but we also have 2 very young children and tbh most of the stress and anxiety comes from us dealing with them. The kids drive us mad, then we argue. We know this, we've had counselling.

Generally things have been much improved, so it's just help with coming off the tablets I need.

Joysmum Fri 01-Apr-16 07:04:46

So is this being done under doctors supervision or not?

Bringiton2016 Fri 01-Apr-16 07:09:46

Not really Joy. I'm supposed to be tapering off then starting the venlafaxine, but I don't want to take it.

Baconyum Fri 01-Apr-16 07:25:03

Then you need to go back to the Dr and collaborate on choosing another anti d is venlafaxine isn't for you.

Joysmum Fri 01-Apr-16 08:00:44

I thought so. That's why I suggested he go to the doctor with you upthread.

I've been in a similar position on both sides of the fence. I've been the one not wanting to be on tablets, and I've had to deal with the same with my mum withdrawing without doctors supervision. My mum couldn't see that her anxiety wasn't being kept to acceptable levels when she tried to come off them and behaved differently. It was hard to deal with her and hard to see her like that.

You're DH is seeing a difference in you he doesn't like which he puts down to you not being in the tabs anymore and the way you are withdrawing from them. Yes, he's handling it very badly to say the least but coming off the pills shouldn't see a rise in your anxiety to this extent. This suggests to me you need to find another way.

Your anxiety will be increased if you're coming off the pills, you are seeing this as your DH not supporting you, rather than a combo of that and less pills.

Please, go and see your doctor together. I can completely understand your fears and wish to be off the pills but at the same time, you need to make changes under doctors orders so your anxiety is kept under control.

This will minimise your anxiety, and having your DH there with you will appease his fears and help him to understand how to best support you. It's a win win situation flowers

crazycatdad Fri 01-Apr-16 08:14:26

Please go back to your GP as everything you describe suggests you shouldn't be stopping the antidepressants. Three months is a really short time to be taking them, they can take longer than that to even have an effect. It's common for GPs to change the drug and dosage until they find something that works for you.

Don't get it into your head that you need to be off the pills. If you need them, you need them.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 01-Apr-16 12:04:07

I echo the responses above in saying please go back to your GP as you may benefit from a more 'uplifting' drug such as Sertraline, but in any event I would suggest you ask for a blood test as depression can be caused by vitamin deficiency or a malfunctioning thyroid.

If you're told the tests show nothing abnormal ask for the actual results of each one and post on the General Health board as, particularly with regard to a thyroid test, levels that are considered normal or acceptable in the UK would warrant medication in just about every other developed country.

A vitamin D deficiency can manifest as depression and many other countries in northern climes issue vitamin D tablets to their citizens as a matter of course. As you've mentioned SAD I would suggest you try the Better You DLux 3000mg Vitamin D Oral Spray and keep it by your toothbrush so that you remember to use it every day. It tastes fresh and minty, it can be bought for c£6 on eBay, and it certainly has an uplifting effect on my mood during the dark winter months - as the GH board can confirm, many other m/netters also find it essential to their sense of wellbeing.

we also have 2 very young children and tbh most of the stress and anxiety comes from us dealing with them. The kids drive us mad, then we argue

This is isn't good for your or your dc and, although you say that you've had counselling, it may be that you and your dh would benefit from a parenting ciourse or advice from Sure Start. If you don't have a centre near you I suggest you invest in this book www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889 I've linked to the amazon.com site as it has more reviews than co.uk www.amazon.co.uk/Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094 This book is also available on eBay where a used copy can be bought for a modest sum.

As with everything in life you'll need to put the effort in to bring about positive change, but happy dc and a harmonious home is worth striving for and implementing the changes required to achieve this improved state of affairs may also improve your relationship with your dh.

Bringiton2016 Fri 01-Apr-16 16:40:58

Thank you for all the advice. I've contacted the gp for a printout of my last blood test. I need to collect it but they've said there's nothing on it relating to b or d vitamins.

goddess I've done the parenting courses. The day to day reality is a little different, but we're working on it and make sure we do one out of the house activity every day. They are a handful and love to fight and wind each other up, which winds us up.

I've been on fluoxetine and sertraline in the past. I also take 1000mg of vitamin d. Will look into the spray.

I haven't felt overly anxious, but I feel like I'm finally waking up after being zombified on the sofa for 2 months, and there is so much to do! I've let things like coursework slide. I want to get cracking.

Dh has said he just snaps under the weight of it all from time to time. He works full time, then looks after the house, me, 2 kids, diy, a college course etc.

I'm not going to gp. If it gets bad I'll take the venlafaxine as planned.

Joysmum Fri 01-Apr-16 18:42:30

Ok, we can only advise.

As I said, I've been on both sides of it and it's not pleasant either way around.

Difference is, those who are the family can see the behaviour of those who aren't taking their mess changing. We blame them for not being able to stand by and watch whilst we slowly fall apart again when it's us with the issue.

Take care flowers

SoThatHappened Fri 01-Apr-16 19:32:36

You cant make anyone support you if they dont want to.

If it isnt given freely then that it is.

Doesnt sound like he cares sad

I would LTB to be honest, he is running you into the ground.

Bringiton2016 Sat 02-Apr-16 15:52:07

Eeek, think I'm going to try the new ones. The miserable bitch is rearing her ugly head again. I don't like it.

Hissy Sun 03-Apr-16 12:59:28

Take your time with everything love, be kind to yourself and be sympathetic to yourself.

Things will be ok. You will get through this, ok? Keep posting and let us know what you're thinking and feeling if you can?

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