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dh annoyed to asked anything

(17 Posts)
Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:11:07

Is this in any way a normal thing in relationships. I know that life is a strain sometimes especially when you have young children and it's easy to be a bit shirty with your partner. But I find it so annoying that anything I ask him to do gets a huff, roll of the eyes, I'm busy or why didn't you ask me before I sat down/stood up/insert anything here. From 'oh can you bring a knife over', to 'do you mind taking a quick photo of me and the kids' etc etc. Sometimes, even a light hearted conversation elicits this too-like I'm too busy for small talk. I find it lonely and draining.

Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:11:42

To be, to be!

Hassled Wed 30-Mar-16 21:14:01

No, that's not what a normal, loving relationship looks like. If you love and care for someone, you're happy to help (obviously within reason). No wonder you're lonely - I'm sorry, it sounds shit.

cheapskatemum Wed 30-Mar-16 21:17:39

How have you responded when he does this? If, for example, you go and get the knife yourself, then he will see no reason not to do it, because it works - he doesn't want to be inconvenienced (who does? But most of us don't react like this) and by huffing and puffing, he gets away with it.

Naicehamshop Wed 30-Mar-16 21:20:33

No - not good. Can you wait till the children are in bed maybe and try to talk to him calmly about this? Sorry - I wish I had some good advice for you - the only thing I will say is try to deal with it now because it won't get any easier. flowers

Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:22:34

It does stop me asking tbh and when I'm with my parents I find it so refreshing how much congenial help they give me sad

Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:23:47

Thanks for the flowers, appreciate it!

cheapskatemum Wed 30-Mar-16 21:30:27

That's what I suspected, Vijac and Naiceham is right, you need to call him up on it because it won't stop of its own accord and you could well end up doing more and more, while he does less and less. Guess how I know this?

Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:38:50

I think if I've asked them I do follow through but it certainly stops me asking as I'd rather just do it myself. I just what a fun, helpful, supportive and relaxed environment.

Vijac Wed 30-Mar-16 21:39:08

Asked him rather.

cheapskatemum Sun 03-Apr-16 15:37:42

It's not going to be a fun etc environment if you get exhausted because you are doing everything and get resentful that he isn't pulling his weight though. You need to tell him how his behaviour is affecting you.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 03-Apr-16 15:47:04

If he want to live like a single man, only troubling himself when doing anything benefits him alone, then he should be one. And sharpish

starry0ne Sun 03-Apr-16 15:50:31

Funny enough..My 8 year old has started doing this during Easter holidays... I called him on it yesterday and told him I had enough..This morning..Did a big clean ...He wanted me to play catch outside..I said as I had no help and had to do it all myself I wouldn't be plying till everything was done..Took till about 2pm... I am making a point with him..I have left a couple of jobs for him to do but he is 8 and I wouldn't expect the same behaviour from a grown man. I think you need to have a conversation when you aren't asking him and tell him how it makes you feel... He might not care but that tells you something else or he might buck his ideas up..

mrsmeerkat Sun 03-Apr-16 16:00:25

That is horrible

I couldn't be with someone so selfish. I would try to explain it to him calmly but I don't feel he has much love for his family acting like that.

amarmai Sun 03-Apr-16 20:25:22

. Tell him 2 can play at that game.

Vijac Sun 03-Apr-16 21:57:00

I just so wish that he wasn't like this. I do find myself doing it back a bit as I resent helping him when he won't me but that's not how I want him or us to be.

I just got a big huff and are you finished yet as I went into our room to get a towel. He's winding down and doing bedtime back stretches. He sees it as me intruding on and distracting his scheduled routine. To be fair he's annoyed that I've been faffing around and will be later to bed than him then I'll complain I'm tired.

cheapskatemum Sun 03-Apr-16 23:29:19

I feel that your original post just told of the tip of the iceberg, Vijac. In your latest post you are making excuses for him behaving in a manner that is inexcusable: he gets time alone to stretch and wind down while you are running around like a blue arsed fly doing things for the kids and he gets huffy because you disturb him by going into the room he's in for a towel? It's not surprising that you'll be complaining of tiredness! He sounds not only lazy, but incredibly selfish.

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