God such a mess. Back story is my difficult relationship with DM. She is a bit of a narcissist and DF is her enabler. I have my boundaries now as as a 40 something grown up with 2 kids. We live 100mls away and when they visit they come to a B and B. However they are getting frail and they are my parents.....I still want contact and so do my kids.
A few years ago my DH had a big row with them on the back of a cumulation of events. He overreacted but he had a point is my view. Things have never been the same. DH really can't stand them but has had to put up with them as they are my parents. When thy visit, usually once every 2 months, he waits to say hello then goes out. He plays sports so goes off to do that. I think my parents expect him to be there but have never said much about it. We pretend all is well but they know he dislikes them I think.
Anyway we all spent xmas together. Bad idea. It was in neutral ground in a cottage but really didn't work. I was fine. DH got very irritated. Now some of the things I can see but he is so angry and bitter about Xmas it's out of proportion. Examples: DM plated up dinners, when DH went for seconds, she grabbed the food off him and served him a small portion, wouldn't let him help with dinner but then announced he could wash up. They didn't really help with the kids despite saying they would. DF used DP's towel to dry his feet at the pool, I assume accidentally but was a bit short with DP when he pointed this out.....all quite minor things I think. For DH who already has a tricky relationship with them and of course no attachment, they are big things. He says he felt marginalised and treated like a child.
Added problem is DH is IMO sensitive bordering on paranoid. He really needs his own thread! He bears grudges about stuff from30 years ago! He sees slights I think when none exist. He is socially arkward and can't negotiate social situations well. Often thinks people are talking about him behind his back. It's bloody hard work with him too.
So parents coming to visit next week. Dreading it. I told DH and he has told me not to expect him to paste on a smile and pretend all is well. He will go out. My parents will 'wonder' why he hasn't stayed to say hello. Dh will be sulky. I will be caught in the middle. I feel responsible for his behaviour. Addressing my parents behaviour is pointless. I have had over 40 years of it. DH doesn't want to play along and I guess I know he shouldn't have to. If he doesn't join in the charade it will be me that suffers. Charade it is too I guess.........there are so many issues re my parents that are unresolved and I just keep a lid on it as I know it won't help to address any of it at this point.
I think DH should be more supportive.
So that's me, caught between them. Difficult parents who treat me like a child and take over our house v sulky paranoid DH. Wtf do I do?????
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Relationships
parents, DH and ME
Toraleistripe · 29/03/2016 07:13
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