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He says he likes me, but nothing more?

(21 Posts)
lawlawlaw Mon 28-Mar-16 09:27:28

I was texting the guy I'm dating last night, we've been on five dates.
Last date was very very romantic with each other and couldn't help ourselves but snog eachother all the time.

I thought that we were getting serious, told all our friends etc

All was going well, we'd send kiss emoji, call each other babe etc.

Then all of a sudden he just stopped, and last night we were talking and he said that "Well I like you, but I don't really feel anything beyond that tbh"

He kept saying how he can't see himself having a serious relationship until after uni but can see himself having a less serious one along the way. Also saying how work needs to
Come first and feelings after. He has exams in less than a month. He's super stressed out about them.

The conversation was normal and he was saying how he told his mum about me the other day and how maybe I should tell mine.

Then boom at 1amish the texting turns to his feelings "And it's not that I don't like youBecause I do But I dunno Maybe I'm just incapable of liking people"

Please please help me. I don't know what to do? What are your thoughts

I've literatelly been up all night thinking about this, I felt sick to the bottom of my stomach and wanted to cry.

He said we need to talk about it today.

Onecallaway Mon 28-Mar-16 09:52:11

It sounds like he backed off as the conversation was getting lovey dovey or heavy. If I were you I would act really cool now. And if a casual thing is not what you are after, then tell him and walk away. He has told you how he feels and now you need to protect yourself from being hurt.

Onecallaway Mon 28-Mar-16 09:53:58

And I wouldn't be up for an in-depth conversation about when you see him today. Prepare yourself as if you back off a bit, he might come running and act all keen again and before you know it you have got mind games and you don't know where you are.

TheNaze73 Mon 28-Mar-16 10:00:22

The heavy conversation has freaked him out. I think that would be the case with most blokes. Most would find that quite deep after only 5 dates

Twinklestein Mon 28-Mar-16 10:10:49

He's made it clear he doesn't want a serious relationship until after uni, and wants to put work first. Is it his finals this summer? Is that why he's stressed? It's perfectly ok to put his work first.

I'm not sure why you've been up all night after 5 dates.

I would just accept it and move on.

lawlawlaw Mon 28-Mar-16 10:15:05

Alright I see your point yes, maybe it was a bit quick. We've been texting for two months now.

What has hurt me is that basically he is claiming to not like me that much. Like you wouldn't go 5 dates in, including making out, seeing eachother in underwear, asking to stay the night to cuddle, texting everysingle day, it you didn't actually like that person. Would you?

I really want this to work, but I'm unsure what I can do next.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 28-Mar-16 10:20:28

I think you need to see this as a learning experience. If a guy tells you that you are not his priority, believe him and back away.

There's no need to stay up all night, to question yourself, or to analyse and understand him.

All that you have to do is accept that this relationship hasn't worked out, that he doesn't want it to work out. Lick your wounds, grieve a bit, and move on with your own fantastic life.

There will be more heartache along the way. Accepting that there's not much you can do about other people 's choices will go a long way to making you a happier person.

ladylambkin Mon 28-Mar-16 10:22:29

Sorry you are feeling so upset.

What I would say is this seems like too much hard work 5 dates in. Can you not just enjoy your time together and see what develops?

DarrenHardysDrongo Mon 28-Mar-16 10:23:10

Sounds to me as if the two of you are putting a different meaning into the word 'like'.

5 dates is very soon for anything heavy, especially as you say he's at an age where he's at Uni with exams coming up and career to focus on.
You say you want this to work, but it sounds to me that he's being very sensible and realising that he has more important priorities right now and it's not the right time for a serious relatiosnship.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 28-Mar-16 10:24:12

Let it go, sweetheart. You can't make it work if he's not into it.

Of COURSE (some) people would snog and cuddle someone they're not all that committed to. Snogs and cuddles are fun. Commitment is hard. He enjoyed the fun buts but he isn't all that into you.

Listen to the man. Back off before you lose your dignity.

lawlawlaw Mon 28-Mar-16 10:36:23

I'm also at an age where I have exams, and I'm totally okay to put a relationship on the backburner for a while, but still date it you get what I mean. As in, not a full on relationship but just go at our own pace.

We have both said before that we want to take things slowly, and I think maybe I've made things go too quickly.

I like the idea of just enjoying the time we have with eachother, it's just knowing that he doesn't like me that much which is painful.

I'm starting to agree with you, maybe it is time for me to let go, move on and learn. It's just that he's pretty much exactly what I want.

Twinklestein Mon 28-Mar-16 10:48:23

Well you don't want someone who's not that into you and doesn't want a relationship. So he's not what you want.

If there's things about his personality that you think would make a good long term partner then put that on file to help you understand what you're looking for.

Someone who's 'right' will want the same things at the same time as you.

DarrenHardysDrongo Mon 28-Mar-16 11:02:11

I'm also at an age where I have exams, and I'm totally okay to put a relationship on the backburner for a while, but still date it you get what I mean. As in, not a full on relationship but just go at our own pace.

That's what you want, but it's not the way he's seeing this !
Plus you being so bothered by this after 5 dates suggests that you do want more.

SoleBizzz Mon 28-Mar-16 11:30:25

You want more than he dors. Maybe he will come back to you but keep living your life and don't think he will definitely want you as his girlfriend. Just keep him as a friend. Keep in touch.

IthinkIamsinking Mon 28-Mar-16 11:36:27

Five dates is nothing. He's just not that into you.
Really don't waste anymore time with him. He has made his feelings clear.
Chalk it up and move on.

ClopySow Mon 28-Mar-16 11:42:57

That "maybe i'm incapable of liking someone" line is hugely manipulative. He's playing the "poor defective me" card, which basically becomes an excuse for shitty behaviour down the line. Run for the hills.

SoleBizzz Mon 28-Mar-16 11:52:29

Or maybe his confidence is low. He is scared of being hurt.

haveacupoftea Mon 28-Mar-16 11:54:34

He wants a friend with benefits. What he'll do soon is arrange another date, ask you to stay for cuddles, have sex with you and then explain that there's something wrong with him, he just can't commit, maybe it comes from his childhood, and you'll think I'll stick with it because I'm the one to change him. But there's nothing to change, he just doesn't like you enough to go out with you. And if he doesn't now, he won't in a year's time, no matter what he says.

Fwb arrangements are fine if both partners know what the agreement is. Not so much if one is secretly hoping for a future. Do yourself a favour and find a man who adores you enough to have a relationship with you.

LosingTheWillToSkate Mon 28-Mar-16 11:55:09

5 dates? Honestly I'd shit myself and run for the hills after conversation like that! You're supposed to be finding out what crisps each other likes and where you've been on holiday that early on!

You really shouldn't be up all night feeling sick and not knowing what to do after 5 dates and being that way definitely doesn't suggest that you want to move slowly.

Ultimately there's nothing you can do. He doesn't like you in that way. Stop contacting him, move on and keep some dignity.

SoleBizzz Mon 28-Mar-16 12:21:02

Have you had sex with this man?

Sofiathefirst2016 Mon 28-Mar-16 17:53:57

I'd take this as a blessing , and leave this alone now. He's been honest about not wanting a relationship so you know exactly where you stand. Do not sleep with him or become a friend with benefit thinking it's the way for a relationship too begin - because it won't work as he has already expressed his lack of interest in one.

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