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Am I right in believing he was taking me for a mug?

(56 Posts)
unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:03:58

Basically a couple of days ago I felt in the mood for some fun. Me and him don't live together. I wanted him to come over. I texted him to tell him that. I had seen he was posting on some website about a football game around the time I asked. Anyway, I had a feeling he would turn me down because he wanted to watch that. Mind you, I had already told him earlier in the day about meeting up and he had said that was ok and to let him know when.
He first said it had gotten too late by the time I decided to let him know and then he came up with this excuse that it was the holy week (he is religious but not to that extent) and he went on about how he was surprised that I would get him to do something sexual on the days Christ was tortured and killed. I was convinced it was all an excuse as I had seen him post about a football game. He just didn't want to come over because he wanted to watch that. I did tell him I thought it was an excuse but he just said if I was being serious. Anyway, I told him on purpose to come over all the same and we wouldn't do anything sexual but he didn't want to that either which reinforced my idea that that was just a lie.

I got angry also when later on I saw him post comments about girls and their milky bags and so on! I didn't tell him only because he doesn't like me browsing that website where he posts and I didn't want to have to admit I went on there to check on his activity.

I know for a fact he was taking me for a mug. I let him think in the end that I believed his excuse but now I'm left wondering if this means I can't trust this guy because he's an obvious liar (ah he denied being on that website right after I had just seen him post comments on it) and hypocrite (wanted to make me feel bad for wanting to have sex when he himself is posting sexual comments). The religious stuff didn't come out of nowhere. He is spiritual but not at that level I'm sure.

I'm not ashamed for checking what he does as my sixth sense was obviously right in telling me I can't trust this guy. What do you think about it?

Arfarfanarf Sun 27-Mar-16 02:08:17

I think life's too short for this shit and i'd dump him and find someone easier. Drama is exhausting and never worth it.

Also. Milky bags? Is he 5?

ijustwannadance Sun 27-Mar-16 02:10:15

Just dump him and move on. You already know he's a lying knobhead.

And why is it ok for him to post on a site (FB?) but you're not allowed to look at it. The fact he tells you not to do something so trivial speaks volumes. He clearly doesn't want you reading his sexist bullshit and blatant lies.

AyeAmarok Sun 27-Mar-16 02:10:49

I think you were testing him when you asked him knowing he had plans.

I think you both sound very immature and that this relationship doesn't sound like a keeper.

I'd call time on it and find someone you're more compatible with.

AyeAmarok Sun 27-Mar-16 02:12:08

And why is it ok for him to post on a site (FB?) but you're not allowed to look at it. The fact he tells you not to do something so trivial speaks volumes. He clearly doesn't want you reading his sexist bullshit and blatant lies

Well I'd not like it if DP read my posts on Mumsnet, so I imagine this is similar. It's a bit creepy stalkery.

Awholelottanosy Sun 27-Mar-16 02:14:29

People who lie about the little things also lie about the big things IME. Don't know how long you have been together but his attitude sucks. And using religion as an excuse as he just wanted to watch the football? He doesn't sound like he has much integrity tbh.

Is this part of a pattern with him?

DropYourSword Sun 27-Mar-16 02:17:46

You haven't specified the exact relationship here. Unless he's your sex gimp, why would you just expect to click your fingers and demand for him to come around and then decide his reason for not wanting to isn't good enough.
You both sound as bad as each other!!

unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:19:17

It's not FB. It's like Reddit and he doesn't want me on there only because they post all sorts of perverse stuff and he doesn't want me in a place like that.

I was testing him yes but I had already mentioned that before and he had said yes so I genuinely wanted to see him.

ijustwannadance Sun 27-Mar-16 02:19:50

Aye, I assumed it was more of a facebook type posting than a mn anonymous username type which is not very private.

unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:23:11

Well it wasn't like I demanded he come around. We had agreed on that before and yes, his reason was a lie as even when I said ok no sex, he still didn't want to come around. Also, the religious stuff was an excuse because as I said he had no problem writing about women and how he'd stick his penis in them but he made me feel like I had been disrespecting God for wanting to have sex with him. Something deesn't add up

DropYourSword Sun 27-Mar-16 02:27:08

What's your actual relationship with him. Fuck buddy or boyfriend?

DropYourSword Sun 27-Mar-16 02:28:58

Well it wasn't like I demanded he come around

Sorry, you said you 'told' him to come over in your OP. It does sound like you were demanding it and getting pissed off that he didn

unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:29:15

And he said how he was happy I had for once taken the initiative and then proceeded to tell me how he couldn't come over because it was the holy week and he was surprised I would want to do that during these days. I even said to him that earlier he had said that was ok and it was implied we would end up having sex but he said he just meant to talk. Yeah, right. Whenever we talk about coming over it is to sleep together as well as doing all the other things couple do together. It just didn't sound like a credible reason to me given all the facts I mentioned.

unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:31:01

We're not fuck buddies. We are a couple.

DropYourSword Sun 27-Mar-16 02:31:14

Gah, hit post too early....pissed off that he didn't want to. Yeah, sounds like he was making up excuses, but at the same time he's not obliged to come round just because you decide you want him too. Sometimes people make up stupid excuses because they know that you won't just accept a 'no thanks, watching the football'.

unlucky4ever Sun 27-Mar-16 02:36:39

Unfortunately I can't remember if we did something sexual last year during the same period but I'm pretty sure it was an excuse.

The fact that game was on and he was watching is the reason why he turned me down. I just think he could have been honest about it instead of using the excuse of religion and even going as far as making me sound like a degenerate for wanting to have sex with him.
I don't think that if someone is trying to stay away from sex they would be looking at provocative pics of girls and making sexual comments about them. It doesn't sound consistent with that intention.

AyeAmarok Sun 27-Mar-16 02:39:14

Sometimes people make up stupid excuses because they know that you won't just accept a 'no thanks, watching the football'.

Yep, agreed.

If he had said "No thanks, I'm watching the football" what would your reaction have been? Honestly?

I think you'd have huffed. I think you chose to ask him purely because you knew he wanted to watch the football and you wanted to make him 'choose you'.

DropYourSword Sun 27-Mar-16 02:41:29

True. My DH does a similar thing sometimes. He will make up all these elaborate shite excuses instead of just being straight. It does wind me up so I know where you're coming from!

RupertPupkin Sun 27-Mar-16 04:25:59

Milky bags? hmm yeah he sounds well spiritual. How cringeworthy. Is this man really worth the angst?

RedMapleLeaf Sun 27-Mar-16 06:19:44

I just think he could have been honest about it instead of using the excuse

You could have been honest too. You could have said that you knew the football was on but you really wanted to see him.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 27-Mar-16 08:31:30

I don't think that if someone is trying to stay away from sex they would be looking at provocative pics of girls and making sexual comments about them

I think that a man who is committed to one woman wouldn't be looking at provocativie pix of girls and making sexual comments on a social or other media site about ."how he'd stick his penis in them" regardless of what day or week it was.

He sounds like an immature oaf who deserves the Order of the Boot and more fool you if you don't give it to him.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sun 27-Mar-16 09:05:00

You are in a relationship with someone who talks about "girls and their milky bags" and talks about "sticking his penis" in other women?

Seriously?

An actual relationship? well clearly it isn't a relationship, but you seem to think it's one

LaurieFairyCake Sun 27-Mar-16 10:13:58

You're in a relationship with someone who posts offensive shit on websites that youre not allowed to look at hmm

Just dump him and move on. He's an actual pig who doesn't respect women.

If you met him on a Christian dating website then you're accidentally dating the one my SIL did a couple of years ago. A sanctimonious hypocrite who said she couldn't wear skirts and blamed her for 'tempting' him with sex - called her a whore.

Dump, dump, dump. He's about as Christian as a giant turd. He's a misogynist.

BeverlyGoldberg Sun 27-Mar-16 10:19:26

Stay together, you'll ruin another couple. You both sound very immature. "Milky bags" and checking his activity online? You sound like a pair of bored teenagers.

Hissy Sun 27-Mar-16 10:57:32

Why would you demean yourself to be with someone who ogles women? Seriously? He's vile!

When you lay down with dogs, you get fleas... Think about it. He makes you look like crap! He's an embarrassment!

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