I can't see the woods through the trees with this one, I feel like I just need others' opinions and maybe advice on my position on things...
I will try and be as succinct and factual as possible while giving a bit of background.
I left ex-DH 3 years ago. For a number of reasons...porn addiction and no sex life, he was getting more and more controlling and emotionally abusive. I was very unhappy.
He was devastated and still hasn't moved on really, although he is a lot happier in himself lately since getting a new job and making new friends. We have co-parented DD, who is 4, pretty well. He has her two nights a week, although his access is becoming increasing sporadic and disorganised due to this new job and a new found social life. The main disagreements we have had concern my new DP.
I met DP a year after the split. He is so lovely and I am very happy, he would do anything for us.
Because of X's emotional state and also because I wanted to be absolutely certain, I didn't introduce DD and DP for nearly a year. They are now very close and we will all move in together in the summer.
DH has been angry at the idea of DD spending time with this "other man". We had a huge blow up when DP took us both on holiday in October. EX and DP have never met but DH speaks of him with absolute disdain.
Anyway...the incident...
DD, DP and I were all home last night. They were playing in the living room, she loves playing quite rufty-tufty games with him and likes him to chase her and tickle her and throw her about a bit.
He was being a monster trying to eat her feet. At one point he grabbed her leg and pulled her to him so he could eat her foot. Her top rode up and she got a carpet burn on her back.
She didn't tell us about it until a while later when we were eating, and said her back hurt. I had a look and saw these three patches of friction burn going up her spine. I took her for her bath and put some cream on them. Apart from them being a little sore for a while, she didn't mention them again. I checked them this morning and when I touched them she said they didn't hurt anymore. They looked red though and to be honest, pretty bad.
Then I took her to her dad's as she is with him for the Easter weekend because next week we are going on a family holiday. With my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and DP.
Knowing his attitude to DP I thought it best to tell him what had happened before DD told him and he would be angry with me for not telling him first. I knew he'd be annoyed but he was very very angry. I can see his point in some ways...it's not nice that your child has been hurt and it was careless.
Although I wish it hadn't happened and that he had been more careful, I am not annoyed with DP myself because I know it came from a place of fun and play and that he would do absolutely nothing to hurt her purposefully. He feels awful that he was too rough and I know it won't happen again. DD is completely unaffected, she laughed this morning when I was looking at them and said "it was funny though"
Anyway, DH says I have shown a lack of duty and care. And that DP has too. He is now saying he doesn't want DD to go on holiday with DP this week and that DP is never to be left alone with her.
I have said I think he is overreacting. He asked how I would overreact if he had a girlfriend and my girlfriend hurt DD?
I don't know if i have a leg to stand on. I am obviously biased. Firstly, how much of a point does he have? I am really bad at arguing with him.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
My ex, my DP and my injured DD
NoisyBarker · 26/03/2016 13:15
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