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My DP spent our IVF money

(47 Posts)
WTFMYIVMONEY Sat 26-Mar-16 11:24:23

We've been saving for IVF for a few months slowly but steadily. My DP handles everything financially, I really don't bother with an iota and simply ask for cash when I need it, everything in and out of one joint account, and a savings account.

We'd set a deadline to have it saved by. I had a once in a blue moon moment and needed to check in case I needed to move for something. It's GONE. I know we had almost TWO GRAND and now nothing. I'm heartbroken.

What should I do? My DP has a medical condition requiring 24hr monitoring too.

Finola1step Sat 26-Mar-16 11:27:28

You need to find out the facts first. If you have no control/ knowledge of joint finances, he may well have moved the money into another account. Maybe an ISA. Ask him.

Not sure what his medical condition has to do with it though.

Twitterqueen Sat 26-Mar-16 11:28:40

Take joint responsibility for your finances.
There is no justification for having to 'ask' for money - whether it is your choice or not. You are an adult, in a partnership, with joint responsibility for finances,, housework, the health of your relationship etc etc.

ask your partner where the money has gone and why,.

That said, I'm very sorry that you are a) having treatment for infertility and b) your hard-eared money has disappeared somewhere. flowers

VoldysGoneMouldy Sat 26-Mar-16 11:29:19

Have you asked him about it?

WTFMYIVMONEY Sat 26-Mar-16 11:33:17

I have learning difficulties so hence easier for DP to handle money.

I asked, it's gone, spent. On what, no idea, nothing significant that's for sure. DP wasn't able to elaborate, they aren't cheating of that I'm sure. The answer was "just shit I guess".

No ISA etc sad

Alasalas2 Sat 26-Mar-16 11:33:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSteptoe Sat 26-Mar-16 11:34:00

What twitterqueen said.

MrsSteptoe Sat 26-Mar-16 11:34:20

Ah, sorry, crosspost blush

Alasalas2 Sat 26-Mar-16 11:35:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisedbyguineapigs Sat 26-Mar-16 11:35:35

This has been said a million times on here before, but if you are unmarried, thinking about having a child, but have put all your finances in the hands of someone else, with little or no interest from you, you really are asking for trouble. Aside from the possibility that he has put it into a savings account without bothering to tell you, you need to have access to your own money and know where it is going.

WTFMYIVMONEY Sat 26-Mar-16 11:37:02

This isn't our first child together either, and we've been together a long, long time.

I'm distraught.

raisedbyguineapigs Sat 26-Mar-16 11:38:50

Sorry x post. Is there an agency or someone who helps you that can help you sort this out? Does your DP have LDs too?

MrsSteptoe Sat 26-Mar-16 11:39:44

This doesn't sound right. If you're on the kind of income where two thousand pounds in savings is hard to come by, you don't spend it on "just shit, I guess" without knowing what that shit is.

If you start saving again, OP, - and I realise that there may be discussions to be had before you get to that point! - make sure that savings go into a joint account that requires both signatures for withdrawals/transfers, preferably on a monthly standing order. It's a small step towards taking control as well, if you feel that your LD is a barrier to being able to be fully involved in family finances.

TheCrumpettyTree Sat 26-Mar-16 11:41:55

He spent £2k on just shit? No that's not good enough I'm afraid.

hesterton Sat 26-Mar-16 11:43:17

Ask her again what she spent it on. You really do need to sort this out. If she feels no remorse about spending the IVF savings you need to rethink the relationship. Do you have anyone else who you trust that you can talk this through with?

RandomMess Sat 26-Mar-16 11:45:38

What have you spent money on for the last 6 months, how much have you asked for and where have you spent it?

Either your dp has some sort of secret like gambling or you are living to your means and there is nothing left over to save.

MrsSteptoe Sat 26-Mar-16 11:50:08

If she feels no remorse about spending the IVF savings you need to rethink the relationship.
Thinking about all the possibilities here, is it possible that she hasn't felt able to tell you that you just aren't earning enough between you to manage a round of IVF? Being able to save two grand isn't evidence in itself that you're earning enough, because (in my life, anyway) I can save money but then it goes on an irregular but must-pay bill like, I don't know, roof repairs or something so you end up back at square one.

MrsSteptoe Sat 26-Mar-16 11:50:59

hesterton don't know why I picked your quote to bold at the top of that post. Sorry about that. For some reason, it got me thinking and I ended up quoting you, I wasn't querying what you said!

Rezolution123 Sat 26-Mar-16 11:51:23

Op You write extremely well, considering your special needs. hmm
Is there a back-story to your thread?
Sorry to sound harsh.

BarbaraofSeville Sat 26-Mar-16 11:51:30

If you just ask for cash when you need it, how do you know that the amount you spend is affordable if you have no idea what your finances are? How much spare money do you have each month after all essentials paid?

Has the money gone on essentials or treats/luxuries? It would be easy to spend a couple of £k if you paid your insurances for the year, car repairs, Christmas etc. Was this money extra to all that?

LettingAgentNightmare Sat 26-Mar-16 11:55:11

He needs 24 monitoring and you have special needs. You already have a child. Is another one really a good idea?

MattDillonsPants Sat 26-Mar-16 11:55:58

Rezolution many people with special needs write well. My friend has ASD and is a published writer...well known in fact.

PurpleDaisies Sat 26-Mar-16 11:58:49

Ffs rezolution not all special needs affect spelling and grammar. No need for the hmm.

TheCrumpettyTree Sat 26-Mar-16 11:59:30

Needing 24 monitoring doesn't mean he can get away doing whatever he likes.

Hoppinggreen Sat 26-Mar-16 12:00:08

Agreed letting
OP has learning difficulties, DP has health issues, affording IVF seems difficult and there is no openness about financial matters.
A child does not sound like a good idea

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