Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Cheesed off or time to go?

(8 Posts)
uhoh1973 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:23:05

I'm confused - I feel like a switch has been flipped in my head and now I dont know where I am.
Married, 2 small kids. I am relatively easy going (not really tidy or messy) but hard working, tons of friends etc. My DP however is permanently upset / disappointed with me. I have tons of simmering resentment (poor distribution of labour...) which doesnt always put me in the best frame of mind I admit. DP is fun when other people are around but when its just me and him he is pissed off and tired and hungry. Alot of the atmos in our house is dictated by his tiredness and hunger. He has borderline mental health issues and lost his job due to an accident so doesnt work. Usually I work but have been made redundant. About 4 times a year I am also tired and am unable to hold back the irritation any longer and point out now he is in his 40s he can organise his own day to not get tired and feed himself. Mostly this ends with him shouting at me to Fuck off (50% of this infront of the small children which I am not happy about).
He has been for anger management sessions which helped at the time but now he seems to be going back to old ways. Its a continuous circular argument about how unhappy I make him feel etc. TBH I am not sure I care much anymore.?
When our first child was very small things were extremely bad and atleast once a week I thought about leaving. Things are better now but I just wonder when is enough enough? I love him but dont really like or admire him. I guess I'm afraid of the impact on the children (though staying together doesnt always look that great either)??
Any advice or do I just need to let off steam?

ciele Thu 24-Mar-16 23:03:36

Just to say I'm in the same boat and don't have any great ideas but you are not alone.

ditherydora Fri 25-Mar-16 07:13:11

This sounds like a vicious cycle. You are both at home a lot I guess and it'd easier to get wound up when you are together so much. It's not good though if he is saying that you make him unhappy. And of course you ate right that he is responsible for feeding and resting himself (although he is not alone in this. My DP has type 2 diabetes and it has taken him years to realise that if he doesn't eat it affects his mood). I don't have much real advice I'm afraid but I guess that I would try talking about it at a time when you are getting on, in a more detached way and see if that has any impact. If not it is a question of whether you are happy to continue to put up with this

something2say Fri 25-Mar-16 12:22:59

Sounds like it's time to go to be honest. Sorry.
but I have left men in the past and been relieved. Life has become immediately better. It doesn't have to be painful? In fact, it sounds as tho it will be a relief, no moodiness in the house, no tiptoeing about, no shouting feasts.
Sometimes it's alright to leave someone I think.

seasideview Fri 25-Mar-16 17:46:28

I'd separate. Life is too short, to be in such an unhappy relationship.

uhoh1973 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:48:40

Thank you!

uhoh1973 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:56:17

Has anyone had any successful counselling and managed to stay together? He easily gets angry so trying to talk about things at a good time doesn't really work. I'm willing to try counselling.

uhoh1973 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:57:38

I should say he's been at home about 7 years now... I try to get him to go out etc but he's a real homebody and hardly goes out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now