I don't know what to do anymore. I am so lonely.
My relationship with DH has been up and down for years (since I had PND after DS1 was born). Over the last year he's withdrawn from me almost completely. He either doesn't respond to my messages or sends one word replies. He works long hours but when he is here doesn't really speak to me. When I speak to him he won't make eye contact.
A lot of this is my fault. I have too often responded to his detachment by pushing for a confrontation, I suppose to try and get some sort of emotional response.
I have tried talking to him calmly - along the lines of we're both unhappy, how can we fix this? He either walks away or tells me to 'stop moaning'. He often says I only ever moan. It isn't true - I've gone whole months where I have been very careful not to say anything negative at all but it is like he now has a concrete perception of how I am that I can never change.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't even seem to like me. He is naturally very even tempered but has lost his temper hugely with me on several occasions recently over relatively small things (late night dramas with ill young children etc...).
We have two young DCs, a lovely home and what would look like a perfect life to an outsider. I don't want a divorce - not just for the DCs sake but because I still love him but I can't see this ending up any other way. He just won't engage with me at all even though it must be making him as miserable as it is me.
He's not good at confrontation and it occurred to me today that he may be deliberately trying to push me into ending it rather than doing it himself.
What do I do?
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Is my marriage over?
eeyoresgrumpierfriend · 21/03/2016 18:45
God I had to check I hadn't written this myself. Nothing to add, really, except to say you're not alone (not helpful).
. Take care of yourself.
This is terrible. It takes courage to confront someone about improving your relationship. For him to shut you down is cruel. What's the point in a partner who gives you no love, support or affection? It's worse than nothing. Your life can only improve without him in it.
It sounds to me as if you're past the point of no return, but it's possible the shock of you having his bags ready and telling him you want a divorce might shake him enough to make an effort. If he doesn't, you should be prepared to go through with it.
But before you do, you need to secure your financial position; take your half from shared accounts and make sure he can't touch it. Gather your loved ones close, as you'll need the support. Get help with the kids and focus on keeping it civil for them.
Flowers for you, OP
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