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Does he even love me?

(44 Posts)
Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 16:21:47

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now.
Ups and downs but still together.
He never liked to stay over at my flat so on weekends when I seen him I would go to his parents and stay on a Friday night.
I fell pregnant and he moved in but I'm starting to wonder if we are compatible.
He is a great dad but sometimes I wonder if he loves me still.
It took me a while to get him to move in but like I explained we were going to have a child so he had to,he couldn't exactly still live with his parents.
He works Monday to Friday so we barely see each other.
His friend came over last night and I told him he was out as once he is in he will never leave.
He doesn't seem to understand now we have a baby he can't just do what he likes.
We have our arguments and last week for 3 nights he went back to his parents but back now.
Feels like I have 2 kids at times.
Is this normal?

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 21-Mar-16 16:40:31

Never mind normal. Does it suit you? If it doesn't, then tell him what you need. If he doesn't match what you need, then this isn't a good relationship for you.

And FWIW, any man who lives with his parents and needs to be "convinced" to move in with his pregnant girlfriend is NOT partner material.

Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 16:54:23

I think I'm just fed up today.
He is huffy.

BolshierAryaStark Mon 21-Mar-16 16:55:01

Tbh I'd give this one up as a bad job & not waste any more time on him-that is what you're doing, wasting your time.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 21-Mar-16 17:08:55

How old are you both?.

Women often fall back on such comments like he is a "great dad" when they themselves can write nothing positive about their man. You have done that very same thing in your post.

He is not a great dad if he is treating you, the mother of his child,
like this is he?.

Bree85 Mon 21-Mar-16 17:16:34

I think he is not ready to be a husband. I just hope you two can work this out. If he is not willing, then let him be. Just focus on your child.

Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 17:17:05

He is 37 and I'm 31.
He really is a good dad.
Just certain things he does.
We were sat on the sofa the other day he had a couple of drinks and he was staring at me then comes out with your a c***,my mother and father think your a c***.
Then the next day like he never said it.
They do say what's in you when your sober...

BertrandRussell Mon 21-Mar-16 17:18:44

How can be be a good dad if he calls his baby's mother a cunt?

Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 17:20:07

He doesn't mean it,he is mega stressed with work.
I'm thinking of booking a surprise holiday somewhere nice.
We live down south so I'm thinking maybe the lakes.

BertrandRussell Mon 21-Mar-16 17:29:54

"He doesn't mean it,he is mega stressed with work"

Bollocks.

Summerlovinf Mon 21-Mar-16 17:40:36

hmm oh dear...I don't think there's anything nice you can do that will make this man become the kind of partner you want. Being tired doesn't excuse that language and he doesn't sound like he's up for living with you or being a family. Your instincts on that are right.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 21-Mar-16 17:48:41

"He doesn't mean it,he is mega stressed with work".

Now you are making excuses for him. Do not do that to yourself.

He is neither partner material to you nor father material to his child.

You have a child, you do not need a manchild as well.

TheCometAndLittleLegend Mon 21-Mar-16 19:09:52

He's a great dad

Whenever I hear this phrase I just want to shout 'yes that's what they are all supposed to be, it's called being a parent.'

Sorry OP I don't mean to have a go at you personally. He can still be a great dad doing what he's supposed to whether he's with you or not.

If you feel it's worth another shot do it. But have a plan b on the back burner if it becomes clear he's not gong to change.

TheCometAndLittleLegend Mon 21-Mar-16 19:11:50

Hadn't read the expletive update.

Great dads and grandparents don't call their child's mum those things.

forumdonkey Mon 21-Mar-16 19:19:32

He didn't like staying over when you were dating and then you told him he had to move in because you were pregnant. You sound like his mum and treat him like a child by telling him what he's got to do and lying to his friend. He's a grown man and you're not his keeper/ mother.

I'd also be concerned about the names he's calling you and if that's how he thought of me he'd be gone

Joysmum Mon 21-Mar-16 20:05:16

You're measuring his worth based on how he is at his best.

That's so wrong!

You need to assess when things are at their worst. he's not measuring up to the assessment you gave.

sonjadog Mon 21-Mar-16 20:10:17

Being stressed is not an excuse, OP. There is no excuse for calling you that.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Mon 21-Mar-16 21:16:54

Wow, I thought you were going to say you were both early 20s.

I nearly posted on this right after your OP, but I didn't because I thought I'd be told I was too harsh and, if you'd been in your late teens/early 20s, I probably would have been. But you're not so...

Does he even love you? No. He doesn't love you. People who love you don't call you the C-word. People who love you don't need convincing to move in with you. You don't tell the friends of people you love that they are not in so that they won't spend all evening with them. People who love you don't strop off to their parents' house for a few days after an argument.

This isn't a relationship. It's a sham. You've fallen into the trap of thinking that he'll change once the baby is born.

I also agree with those saying that being a "great dad" is not an accolade, it's a basic. That's like saying he shits in the toilet and not on the living room floor and using that as a positive. It's right on the bottom level of being a human.

Is this really all you think you're worth?

I get so bloody frustrated reading the posts of some women on here. It's an absolute travesty that we don't raise our girls to have higher expectations of their life partners and allow them to accept so little.

Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 22:44:41

It's just been going downhill for a while now,we hardly spend any time together.
Now the baby is older and eats solids,they are always at his parents and I'm ringing and ringing him asking if they are coming home.
It's almost like he wishes I wasn't part of the set up.

When he is off work he spends all his time with the baby,he never wants alone time with just us.

Whatalifeeh Mon 21-Mar-16 22:46:05

He has turned the garage into a den where he sits with his tv,a mini fridge and a seat whilst I'm sat in the living room like a mug.

BertrandRussell Mon 21-Mar-16 23:13:45

Great dads do'n't call their baby's mother a cunt. Honestly- they really don't.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Tue 22-Mar-16 00:18:41

Well it's your choice. Carry on being a mug, or get out. You already know he doesn't want you in the set up.

Whatalifeeh Tue 22-Mar-16 10:39:36

Things are just a mess at the minute and I need to sort it out.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Tue 22-Mar-16 16:22:09

Actually you don't. You can't "sort it out" on your own and he doesn't want to.

But you don't want to hear that so... yeah do what you like.

MrRochestersDog Tue 22-Mar-16 16:26:01

flowers you deserve better than this.

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