Hi Ladies, this is the first time I've posted here but have lurked for several years. However I need some advice/perspective and mumsnet advice always seems sensible so here goes;
I've been married 10 years and have a 2.5 year old DS. Hubby and I have had a couple of fights lately but My husband has just accused me of being selfish and unsupportive - he has just dropped the bombshell that he has been on antidepressants for 4 years but didn't tell me as he didn't think I would care. He had taken a previous course of them for anxiety prior to that and we had an argument which was my fault, just after he started taking them ( about a roof rack of all things!) and he hasn't forgiven me despite an apology. He told me that I am selfish and unsupportive because he does so much more than me - he works 9 days a fortnight, is doing his masters degree at uni and he estimates that he has put in hundreds of hours in renovation work along with his dad, he also helps out with our son and occasionally cleans in the house. He's a good hardworking man and I appreciate everything he does but be doesn't think I do. This is what he told me;
- I havent helped enough with the reno's - We moved in to our house which is a renovation 3 years ago when I was 20 weeks pregnant. At that time I did lots of sanding and interior painting - up a ladder painting as late as 34 weeks preg. Since our son was born I've looked after him, cooked,cleaned washed etc, while he got on with the Reno work. BTW I work 2-3 x 12 hour night shifts a week as a nurse also. I've also done some of the exterior painting. Other than that I'll admit not much. He had always said he knew I couldn't do most of the jobs but now says I could have done stuff while son was afternoon napping like digging garden over etc, helping him with tiling, moving bricks etc.
- He said I didn't support him in his first year of his masters. I proof read his essays and helped that way but he said that he still lost marks for spelling and grammar and that's my fault. He expects me to do 15/20% of his work this semester (we do the same job).
- I'm selfish because I had a bit of pmt and was a bit off and grumpy the other day. He said I should be managing my emotions and not treating him like s$&@ when he's under stress. (I really wasn't treating him like s$&@).
Am I lazy selfish and unsupportive? I'm feeling pretty hurt here and would welcome some perspective if I'm being a twit?