Things aren't right and I don't know if I can be bothered to fix them. I've been with DH 9 years married for 2. Two little ones under 5. We've had lots of fun together and I guess at some point, I was mad about him.
For me the main turning point was when we had dd1. She wasn't planned, I then had a horrendous birth. I gave birth on a Friday and he was back at work the following Monday. I really struggled coping and subsequently had PND. I had little support from him and no one to fall back on as it were. Even when I had an infection 10 days after the birth, and feverish in bed he refused to take time off to be with us. I had to catch a black cab to the Gp who sent me back to the hospital.
We now have 2dds, low and behold I had another bout of PND. We've now moved to the middle of nowhere. I'm even more isolated than before. I've continued to be a sahm mainly because of childcare costs being prohibitively expensive. I essentially bring the girls up alone as he works all the hours God sends because he "enjoys it".
Everything came to a head two weeks ago when he found my stash of sex toys. I think he felt hurt that I had them. That I needed them. Sex has been non existant for months, I'm simply not interested. He on ther other had is constantly groping me at every opportunity. Begging for sex. It's a massive turn off. He's skulked off down stairs after I told him I didn't want to be touched.
I've gone from feeling neglected and unloved to a little bemused. He's now pulled out all the stops. Been buying me flowers. Arranged a weekend away. Trying badly to pull his way as a father and husband. I'm not sure what to make of it. I've called him out on it, if he cared that much why the hell have I spent the last 4 years asking him to 'be here'!
On the face of it he's a hard working, lovely guy providing for his family. I should be happy, I have it all, a lovely house and a nice car and several holidays a year. I'm not. The reality is he works all week out of the house 5.30am to 8pm but when he's here he does nothing. Children are not dressed unless I ask. He used to wake with them in the morning say at 6 on a weekend make himself breakfast but not feed them. I would have to feed them when I woke at 10. They're both more verbal about their needs being met now. He undermines my parenting. He can't do anything without supervision or instructions. We're not equals, I feel like his mother always asking him to do xyz, doing the majority of the thinking for everyone.
I'm tired. I disengaged a long time ago. I don't care anymore and he knows it. I stopped begging asking for his support. I'm utterly miserable to be honest and I don't expect to be here at 30 but I need to grow a pair and make that decision for all our sakes.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Another incompetent man child
OiFrog · 19/03/2016 00:11
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.