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What to do about sibling relationship (possibly more relevant to stately homers)

(8 Posts)
DawnOfTheDoggers Fri 18-Mar-16 15:09:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs Fri 18-Mar-16 20:18:01

My family has successfully swerved nc relationships within the family - largely because they cba to think about it and are more than happy to sweep it under the [lumpy] carpet.

Actually, it's a bit bizarre - my dad said recently 'Had a family party on Thursday and saw you on Friday'. And I said like a fool 'but I'm family!' I know I'm being ridiculous but my family has closed up behind me. You'd think I don't exist... there's a theme there <sigh>

I don't honestly know why you you mind, are 'cut', by your sister not inviting you. She doesn't want to say the 'I'd like you all to come but mum will be there and, well, it's awkward'. Because there may be a row? There may not be a row but she doesn't want to risk it.

You could talk to her about it, she what she says?

springydaffs Fri 18-Mar-16 20:19:27

*see what she says

SoThatHappened Fri 18-Mar-16 23:10:21

No idea. Sib and I swap places every few years being the good child and the bad child.

I was the good child for years now I am the bad one and both mum and sib have turned on me.

It was fairly easy for me as my sib only wants me around for her convenience anyway to drop her shit on, she is totally disinterested in me as a person and my life. I cut her off and stopped talking to her a long while ago and interestingly she tries to get in touch occasionally now. I am having none of it though.

cut her off and see what she does.

springydaffs Sat 19-Mar-16 08:01:22

Realised overnight the 'i don't honestly know why you mind' was thoughtless. What I mean is: toxic families are so insane. Nothing makes any sense. Members behave in outrageously micro -self-interested ways. There is no space, or no space given, to even basic giving.

Perhaps I'm used to that. I'm sorry I assumed you would be too. It took me a long time to get used to it ie cut them out (save my very aged parents - can't do it to them, though, God, I pay such a high price - they are so dead, y'know? So inhuman).

Ime of toxic families: everyone is out for themselves to an extreme degree.

DawnOfTheDoggers Sat 19-Mar-16 14:07:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs Sun 20-Mar-16 10:30:12

Yes I can see how gut -wrenching it is.

I'm still confused about the details. Your posts focus on extreme emotions swinging to gut-wrenching conclusions eg your last post included 'clanging realisation' and 'i must be thick '.

I get it that families like this are extremely painful. Although they are very painful indeed, it is often not malice but neglect /disabled relating behind it. In that sense is not a good idea to take it personally.

ptumbi Sun 20-Mar-16 11:43:11

Dawn - I am NC with my father (over 20 years) and my sis (coming up 7 years); my brother is distant, uninterested and isolated - his choice.

My only 'family' is my mum, and I don't see her much because of sis - and distance. My own dc don't ask about aunt or grandfather or uncle - they are just not in their lives. I have friends, and they are my 'family' to depend on. Dc have friends, they have full lives, they are not 'missing out'.

You are hurt from being rejected; that is understandable.

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