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Past relationship having an effect on new ones..help!

(15 Posts)
harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 09:36:27

Hi. I met a guy two weeks ago, he lives around 90 minutes away from me and the day after we met he asked if we would like to meet up in a nearby city. For the past two weeks we have spoke every day via text. He sometimes takes a while to reply and the reason we haven't met yet is because he works long hours and also he is a full time dad to a little boy. He is lovely though and we have really connected, but theres part of me that is so paranoid he is just stringing me along and we won't meet up.

I came out of a bad relationship 6 months ago where i was told a lot of lies and at the time i was devastated. I thought i'd never meet anybody again.

I really like this new guy and I don't want to be all paranoid and hesitant because of my ex. I don't want to bug him/come across as desperate but I think I've forgotten how all this works! Do I make sure i text him every day even if he doesn't text me first? Do I keep asking if he is working at the weekend and when can we meet?

Sorry, this all sounds like a teenager but I am genuinely so lost and hopeless and like i say, we have really clicked and i'd love to see him again.

Thank you for any advice and apologies for the rambling.

curren Tue 15-Mar-16 09:40:26

So you have never met up?

What happened to meeting up in the city near by.

He is busy and a single dad. It will take him a while to reply sometimes, he also lives quite a way, away.

It doesn't sound like you are ready for a relationship or a relationship with someone you will be hardly able to see.

It's impossible o say if he is stringing you along. I can see why he is so busy. But maybe you just aren't ready for a new relationship with someone who has so much going on.

harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 09:43:50

We met down south one weekend and swapped numbers, the day after he asked if we could meet but he has been working weekends since we met so not had the time. I really want to meet him soon as it seems pointless to just keep texting and ultimately develop feelings and nothing come of it!

He is lovely grin

RockUnit Tue 15-Mar-16 09:59:40

Ask him when his next weekend off is going to be? Does he have a day off during the week and could you have that day off too?

harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:05:19

He works 12 hour shifts and is also doing extra qualifcations at uni so he has to make up the time in work...He is really busy and I know that, but its the lies i've had before and how worthless i was made to feel that makes me feel this way now which is totally unfair on him! Of course i've not mentioned this to him. I know he is working this weekend so I guess I shall have to wait until next week to see about easter weekend perhaps, but i just don't want to pester but on the same side i don't want to stop texting and everything slide away!

I think I sound so stupid, but i was in a relationship for 4 years and it's all brand new to me again. On the plus side i realise how lucky i was to escape my ex now!

LineyReborn Tue 15-Mar-16 10:08:35

If he is being cagey about suggesting an actual day/date to meet up, likely he isn't single. Or maybe he really does just work/parent all the time.

Given the distance, I don't think he sounds like relationship material, tbh. But that's obviously just a personal opinion.

I suppose you could offer to visit him. That might elicit an interesting response.

Fuzz01 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:08:40

He might just not that into you i'm afraid. Sounds as if its more one sided on your part than his. I have DC but find the time to txt people.

You met him once yet you seem very keen maybe hold back abit so you don"t come across full on wait for him to txt first. I do think it might be a little too soon following your last relationship.

harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:11:46

He sounds keen, he says he cant wait to see me and he has ideas for what to do when we meet but hmph i dunno, i can't help but worry i will be let down again. I haven;t come across as too keen even though i really like him, ive made sure of that! smile

RockUnit Tue 15-Mar-16 10:12:20

I have to say, what Liney said had crossed my mind too.

curren Tue 15-Mar-16 10:12:32

I don't want to come across as harsh.

But you seem very over invested in a relationship with him. Even though you don't know him.

You don't know he is lovely, you don't he isn't. Because you don't know him yet.

He may not be interested in a full on relationship at this point. He works lots of hours, studies and is a single parent. He isn't going to have lots of free time.

Fuzz01 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:16:08

Also if he wanted to see you he wont make the time. Seems alot of excuses to me.

harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:18:26

thanks maybe i should just leave it then.

Fuzz01 Tue 15-Mar-16 10:22:41

I think given the distance, his commitments and not replying straight away or you txting first i personally leave it..i've met plenty of guys in my younger days but utilmately after several texting conversations it never really anywhere. You'l know when you met the right one when you going on several dates and texting back and forth.

Mousefinkle Tue 15-Mar-16 14:14:14

Sounds like a 'textual' relationship. Probably won't go beyond this. Even if you do eventually find a weekend he can meet it'll probably be weeks and weeks until another one crops up. There's too much distance and he has too much on his plate. You need someone more local and more available.

harriet2802 Tue 15-Mar-16 15:29:11

I'll keep the thread updated if anything happens. I don't understand why he would just want to text as neither of us are getting anything from that! He is the one who suggsted meeting orginially so i'll let you all know.

i just wanted an idea on whats 'normal' really in terms of how often to text etc.

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