Fed up with my brother and mum

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

Hello guys, this could be long and a bit of a rant!

So the problem is my mum and brother, i would like to say grom the offset that i do get on with my mum and i do have a laugh with her, but my problem is with my brother to a point where i dislike him and have no time for him, when he tries to talk to me i will just cut him dead!

To be honest i havent really ever got on well with my brother but recently it has got worse to a point of wanting to hurt him, we had a big punch up a few years ago after he pulled a big knife on me and put it to my throat so i lashed out, he also done this to my older brother aswell!

My mum has always tried to molly coddle me and my borther, my brother has let her do this but i just pulled away because i can stand on my own 2 feet, she does everything for him, constantly bailing him out with money, he doesnt work but late last year he decided to get a second phone on contract because he didnt like his old phone, guess who pays for these, same with driving lessons, i paid for all my driving lessons even tho at the time i was earning £120 a week and paying £40 for lessons, when my brother was learning he was on double me and didnt pay a penny!

Since then he has lost his job, then 5 months ago,he decided to bring his new girlfriend home, who was 6 months pregnant and not with his baby, she basicaly moved into my mum and dads home and only recently moved out but still stays there 4 nights a week, she is a lovely girl and through no fault of her own she has no family and not many friends and had fuck all for the baby, i dread to think how much me, mum and partner have paid out for her, buying everything, my brother on the other hand has paid fuck all! But theres no way we was gonna let a baby go without, on top of this my brother still finds the money to go out drinking and taking drugs!

My missus reckons my brother suffers with sort of mental health problem!

The nail in the coffin this week was, my partner cooked me breakfast, she would of cooked my brother and partber some but they was in bed, well they text my mum, my mum came in half way through her shift shouting the odds, saying why the fuck we didnt cook them any, she even brought them some food back even tho theres shit loads of food in the house!

Tobaco is another one, we just got back off a holiday and have loads of bacci, its personel use for me and her, mum went mental that i wouldnt give my brother some, why should i give the cunt some bacci when i brought that with my hard earned money!

Theres loads more examples but to many to list!

Sorry for a long post but im just getting so frustrated!

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

I know i could sound jealous, but im really not, im an adult and can stand on my own 2 feet

[GummyBunting]

Do you all live together?

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

It sounds as though you will just have to steer clear and try to see your parents away from their place so you don't have to bump into brother.

It is up to your parents how much they support your brother, in what ways, and why. You can't really interfere there. But you certainly can't be forced to join in with it either, so no cooking or tobacco or other favours.

Be prepared for some major fall-out with your mother though.

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

@gummybunting- me and my partner are in process of saving for a house, we stay at both mine and her parants, but more so her house

[NerrSnerr]

Are you paying rent, buying your own food etc when at your parents house? If not it's a bit hypocritical as you're freeloading off them too. If you are paying your way I would just stay out of his way.

[MorticiaLiverish]

I think you need to save harder and get out of there ASAP!

Your brother does sound like a proper pain to live with and you mum is enabling his behaviour but there isn't really anything you can do about it.

If he wanted tobacco bringing back, he should have given you the money for it. Same with breakfast, get out of bed or make his own. As for your mum coming home 1/2 way through a shift, that is ridiculous, don't her employers say anything?

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

Yes i pay my way, also pay extra because my girlfriend stays too, also we are saving as hard as we can, im working 6 days a week doing 12 hour shifts in a very physical job!

Im just getting so frusrated, ive bit my lip for too long, i try to talk to my dad about it but he doesnt really understand because he works monday-friday but works away

[Bananalanacake]

You say he's lost his job so is he looking for a new one? if he isn't then he's lazy and I really hate lazy people.

[Isetan]

This has less to do with your brother and more to do with your parents and their parenting. However, how they choose to interact with your brother, in their home is there prerogative and theres not much you can do, other than spending the minimal amount of time in their company.

You can not control their behaviour but your are responsible for your own.

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

Yeah he lost his job and he has had no interest in finding a new one, i was at college 3 days a week the other 4 i had a job my mum and dad kept putting pressure onto me to find a "proper job"

I guess all i can do is keep quiet and just crack on with my life

Just wanted a rant

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Oh, I get that. I have my 'parents, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em' moments too. All the more reason to save up. As soon as you have your own place, and seem more like an independent adult in your parents' eyes, you will probably find you get along with them an awful lot better. I certainly did.

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

Thats the odd thing tho, i do get on great with my mum and dad, they know i am independant, lived in my own place for 2 years, but when my brother is round it just winds me up how they baby him!

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

Long term though, they really are not doing him any favors.

You can't control them though, as other posters have said. But you can control yourself, your time and your money. Do you think they are training you to provide for him when your parents can no longer do so?

Stop doing things for him, stop subsidizing him and his girlfriend. Your mom does it as her choice; but why are you letting her make that decision for you too? If your mom expects you to Molly coddle him as a condition for you living there then you have a decision to make...to move out.

Especially if the hatred is growing and you are thinking about hurting him-you need to get out of there.

Save harder-skip the holidays and tobacco for a while.

[Lethimbloodygrowup]

Thats the problem,they are doing him no favours for the long run, i hope they are not training me to molly coddle him, he is almost 20 and they are in there mid 50s,

Trust me, we cannot save any harder than we already are, but when yhings start going wrong at my parants house, we up sticks and go stay with her parants for a while!