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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How do you pick yourself up after being screwed over?

47 replies

Iwillnotbeamug · 12/03/2016 18:36

I've been angry and I've been sad.
Now I'm sat on my bed thinking all negative things and I'm done and I need to snap out of this.
How?

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Pinkheart5915 · 12/03/2016 18:39

It really depends on what's happened? Somethings take longer to pick yourself up from than others

Please don't sit only thinking negative things, even in the darkest times there is always something positive

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8FencingWire · 12/03/2016 18:40

Go for a run. Or a swim.

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Iwillnotbeamug · 12/03/2016 18:42

He used me then ditched me.
He is ok and getting on with things and I'm stuck feeling so worthless and disgusting.
The sensible part of my brain tells me not to feel sad over a scumbag but then the stupid part of my brain is saying your not worth loving,your a nothing,you weren't good enough etc.
I feel so low.

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MadamDeathstare · 12/03/2016 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJuice · 12/03/2016 23:31

See your GP. Arrange some talking therapy.
Make sure that you are ready to have a healthy relationship one day, with someone who is worth the effort.
The hurt is going to hurt. My husband left a month ago. It's a process that is shitty and slow, but it gets better. We have a child, and had a complex blended family. The children are utterly baffled, as am I. However, you can't make someone love you, or even attempt to understand the reasons behind it.
Look at who YOU are. What do you like doing that he didn't? Do it frequently, and allow yourself to take pleasure in it.

Don't blame yourself. If someone wants to save a relationship, they will fight. If someone walks, they are not in a position to resolve the situation. They have already emotionally gone.

Learn to love yourself. Look at what you have achieved. Look at the things you like about yourself.
Someone will come along one day who will make sense of this. Meanwhile, nurture yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you. It just didn't work.

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Choughed · 12/03/2016 23:36

I find overdosing on county and western music helps immensely.

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SoThatHappened · 13/03/2016 00:07

It's been several months for me. Still not over it. Still torture myself every minute of every day. They're getting on with life and mine went down the toilet.

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Heartbroken4 · 13/03/2016 00:32

I don't know how. 7 weeks and no idea how to move forward.

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FlyingRussianUnicorn · 13/03/2016 00:42

Pick yourself up, dust yourself on and just keep going. Its gets easier I promise.

I was massively screwed over by a "friend" recently. She even called the police and claimed I committed a crime, que police turning up in the middle of the night and my parents having to wake me up to talk to the police. Fortunately once my side of the story was put across nothing more was done. I could of lost everything because of her- and its someone I still unfortunately care about very much. Not a day goes by without me thinking about her and how much I miss her. A complete cunt and I will find it near impossible to trust her ever again, but i miss her.

It helps that I have a new focus and a plan for my future. Dont sit and wallow, it honestly doesnt help- and you never know what doors this will open for you

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FlyingRussianUnicorn · 13/03/2016 00:43

Its been a couple of months for me. Theres things I cant bare to do still, and even going near my own town makes me break out into a cold sweat, but its slowly getting better.

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Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 08:05

Its been since August for me.
Some days are fine and I'm happy but then il hear something about him or see something like him commenting on a friends Facebook status and I'm back where I started again.
He hurt me so much and not even a apology.
That's how little I meant to him.

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emmyr84 · 13/03/2016 08:16

All I can say is be kind to yourself and don't try to rush yourself into feeling ok if you're not ready.

Block him from facebook so that you don't have to see his comments etc.

And as for him not apologising, it shows exactly the sort of man that he is. And that says nothing whatsoever about you.

You can do this and I promise it will get better over time Flowers

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Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 09:23

Thankyou Smile
I know il be fine,I've gone through so much worse and I'm still here.
A few people have said they same that it is a glimpse of his character and not mine.

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Morasssassafras · 13/03/2016 10:01

Block him on Facebook and if anyone starts to talk about him in rl either stop them or walk away. Complete no contact is the way. Don't allow yourself to see or hear anything.

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soaringdoves · 13/03/2016 11:30

Warn your friends that you dont want to know anything about him.
Delete facebook maybe for a little whild till you feel stronger.
Read, read, read plenty of books, one in particular i have seen mentioned on here is the bancroft book which is insightful.
Stay positive, dont beat yourself up, go for some therapy, do things for YOU.
Take good care of yourself, get to the gym if u have the money/time, get your hair done nails done, realize how valuable u are.
Laugh more, even if it feels forced at times, see friends, try to put this eppisode to the back of your mind once you have worked through your emotions.
There are good days and bad but go with the flow.
Walk away with your head held high, never beg, never contact, you dont need scum like him and he never deserved someone like you.
Take care, i hope you feel better soon x

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soaringdoves · 13/03/2016 11:37

Temporarily it may look to you that hes ok and getting on with things but think of the long term, he will no doubt repeat this cycle all of his life and end up a lonely old man because of his actions.
You on the other hand will grow from this into a stronger person who will settle for nothing less than what you deserve, given time you will meet someone new and maybe a whole new beautiful life will open up for you, one you deserve and one you can create. So lick your wounds, sort yourself out, and know in the long run that you WILL come out on top. Dont look back xx

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Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 11:58

The thing is I know what a lonely and unhappy person he is inside.
He told me on many occasions.
I think he is a narcissist.
He would always say he can get any woman he wants,talk about how he had more expensive things than his friends.
Then when he treated me awful he said he wasn't in the wrong and why should he feel guilty.
He drinks himself into oblivion just to mask how unhappy he is.

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Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 11:58

Oh and he told me he enjoys making people feel small.

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soaringdoves · 13/03/2016 13:12

So dont be another one of his victims, never let him see the pain he has caused you because he will likely get some kind of kicks out of your downfall.
He sounds like the narcissist/psychopath I
Was involved with (poor me act) get you to feel sorry for them so you bolster them up, stroke his ego, and your the one left drained of a soul. You need to pick yourself up, try to forget him, it is very hard
, im going through exactly what your going through but be strong time heals everything.

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Destinysdaughter · 13/03/2016 13:19

He sounds awful and frankly you've dodged a bullet there. If he's capable of this behaviour, imagine how much worse it would have been if you'd stayed together. I know it hurts but your worth isn't dependent on a loser like that.

I found Paul McKenna's I can mend your broken heart good, especially the NLP exercises in it - helps you literally put him to the back of your mind.

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Destinysdaughter · 13/03/2016 13:26
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SoThatHappened · 13/03/2016 13:46

soaringdoves
Temporarily it may look to you that hes ok and getting on with things but think of the long term, he will no doubt repeat this cycle all of his life and end up a lonely old man because of his actions.

You on the other hand will grow from this into a stronger person who will settle for nothing less than what you deserve, given time you will meet someone new and maybe a whole new beautiful life will open up for you, one you deserve and one you can create.

Those are beautiful words and I hope it comes true re him repeating the cycle in my case too.

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Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 14:42

I hope so too.
Karma I hope works its way around

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TheSilveryPussycat · 13/03/2016 15:47

What I found the most difficult was realising how far my judgement had been off.

(In fact, it remained somewhat off till I discovered MN and realised that I was an overlooker of red flags, and understood why that was so. Am old gimmer and MN not around for my earliest mistakes!)

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Heirhelp · 13/03/2016 15:58

My friend found the book 'it's called a break up because it is broken' really helpful.

Write a list of things that you enjoy doing it things that you want to try and try to do one a day. It could be little things like make Pad Thai for dinner, have a bubble bath, a new skin care regime, to bigger things like try out yoga, go to a book club, or even bigger like going out with friends or to a cafe. Also buy yourself a pretty notebook and everyday write down three positives of that day, again it could be little things like chatting to the neighbour, painting your nails or enjoying a hot chocolate.

Try out listening to some deep relaxation routines. There are loads of them on YouTube. I always feel better after them.

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