I don't really know what I'm hoping to get out of this post. Perspective perhaps, definitely opinions. Help, I suppose. My head is all over the place.
A year and a half ago I found out my husband of 2 months, together 10 years, had been sexting other women on an app called kik as well as chat roulette/Skype type websites. These were all random women. It had been going on for over a year before I found out.
I did post on here under a different account at the time but lost that account. Lots of good advice. I decided I wanted to give it a go with him, although I have very strong opinions when it comes to cheating so I think even then, I knew I wouldn't be able to move past it.
Anyway, it's been tough. At times it seemed things were looking up but then something might happen, a tiny thing usually, that would remind me of what he did and brought it all back.
We have 2 DC, one with ASD, ADHD and a few other problems. It is hard work. DH has recently been diagnosed with ADHD himself. I feel like he is using this diagnosis as an excuse for his behaviour. It annoys me.
Lately, everything he does seems to annoy me. I don't know why, because he really is trying to make things up to me. I don't want to be physically close to him at all. I find myself imagining my life without him in it and I feel happy. I look around the house and see the crap he leaves all over and think about how uncluttered it would be without him. I love the mornings when he has gone to work and calm descends on the household. He seems to make everything so stressful when it comes to getting the kids ready etc. He is incapable of making plans. It's always down to me. I have to deal with all the money as he just wastes it. I have to deal with shopping, hospital appointments for our son, medication, school stuff. He literally does nothing when it comes to organising the family. But then he does cook, clean, take the kids out and plays with them. Only after I have given him direct instructions though.
I feel like his mother. I also feel like having these thoughts must mean that our marriage is over. I don't know if I love him anymore. I definitely don't feel the same as I used to. But I don't know if that means it's just gone, or if I'm holding on to the anger towards him and if I find a way to move past it then maybe my feelings will come back.
I made the conscious decision to try to forgive and forget. I really meant it. At that point I was so very much in love with him. Since then, he has tried to make it up to me and he has done everything I've asked of him. So I don't know what else he can do.
This post is really long. Sorry. Probably doesn't make much sense either. My mind doesn't make much sense to me at the moment! So thank you if you got this far.
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Is my marriage over?
12 replies
Fellytone · 11/03/2016 17:50
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