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Does love last?

(15 Posts)
Summerlovinf Thu 10-Mar-16 14:29:53

I've read a few articles recently that seem to be citing scientific research to show that love lasts about 2 years. Some of them say that romantic love then gives way to companionship or some other kind of love....but mainly, the evidence seems to be concluding that love declines over time - and significantly around 2 - 4 years. Can anyone restore my faith in long term relationships or would it be better to aim for a series of 2 year love affairs?

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 14:38:50

Depends on individual personalities - or how emotional/sentimental you are.

wideboy26 Thu 10-Mar-16 15:41:06

It does last, but it continually changes. After 40 years my wife and I are still very much in love. How do I know that? Because we tell each other - not every day, but whenever it's what we're thinking. It's not how it was when we were in our 20's and - to my surprise - love in our 60's is just as good, but in a different way.

Naomi43 Fri 11-Mar-16 01:19:56

My parents just celebrated 50 years of marriage! And they are still in love! My husband and I are going on 11 years together and are very much in love!

SoThatHappened Fri 11-Mar-16 02:09:14

No it doesnt.

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 11-Mar-16 02:57:47

Of course love lasts.

But it changes. I love my DP, my DS, my family and my friends. My relationships with them has not always been easy. I think that a big part of "proper" love is putting in the effort when times get hard.

Being "In Love" is a chemical thing and those chemicals only last for a while. Usually 6 months to 3 years. And doesn't change.

ToastedOrFresh Fri 11-Mar-16 03:44:20

True love doesn't die. Sure, your feelings change over time or can do after a catastrophic event.

However, I have heard the first two years of a relationship described as, 'nature's bribe'. Basically, it's all good, hopefully at least one baby gets born. Then either nature has done it's job by increasing the population or you're kind of stuck with each other as parents.

Love, hopefully, deepens and enriches over time. Sometimes not though.

daisychain01 Fri 11-Mar-16 03:52:41

The more both people invest in the relationship the deeper the love. Hey big surprise there!

Scientific research just means they've set up some daft experiment in a university that means diddly - squat in RL. Big surprise there too!

Belikethat Fri 11-Mar-16 06:24:42

It has never lasted for me. I have had several long-term relationships and one marriage. 'Love' lasted three years max. Tbh I only properly fell in love once when I was very young and that ended in disaster.

I understand it's nature's way of bonding you in the initial stages but deep love for life I think is rare. I don't see much of it around me, more companionship.

Also for two people to love each other at the same time, that must be pure chance.

CheersMedea Fri 11-Mar-16 11:23:45

How do I know that? Because we tell each other - not every day, but whenever it's what we're thinking

Words are cheap. That's no basis to say "you know"!! LOL.

pallasathena Sat 12-Mar-16 09:47:01

Yes, but it changes, its a fluid rather than a solid and sometimes its like the ebb and flow of a tide. What begins as romantic love shifts over time into different forms of love. No less powerful either, just different and somehow, more subtle.

PoundingTheStreets Sat 12-Mar-16 09:55:03

Depends what you mean by love I suppose.

If you mean that 'can't think straight, completely star-struck, lust-filled' state, then I think not. But I actually think that's a good thing. I had that with DP and TBH while it was fantastic while I was with him and resulted in spectacular sex, it was a complete PITA when I was at work and couldn't concentrate and it lessened the enjoyment of other activities when he wasn't with me. TBH I think that's quite unhealthy. I read an article written by a scientist who cited research to show that being 'in love' (i.e. that chemical hormonal cascade) provokes similar changes in the brain as those seen in drug addicts and those suffering with OCD!

That stage with DP has passed for me. I still look at him and think 'phwoar' and we still have great sex. However, I now see the 'real' person rather than the 'can do no wrong' person, and I don't want to spend every second of every day with him. I now feel a fierce loyalty to him and a deep respect. I genuinely like him as well as fancying him, and we work as a team but we have a healthy degree of separation where we do our own thing. I class this as 'real' love and IMO it's deeper than the initial flush of love, because I love the real person not the projection of what I want him to be which let's face it could be totally inaccurate.

VioletVaccine Sat 12-Mar-16 16:46:56

However, I have heard the first two years of a relationship described as, 'nature's bribe'. Basically, it's all good, hopefully at least one baby gets born. Then either nature has done it's job by increasing the population or you're kind of stuck with each other as parents.

The logical cynic in me agrees with this 100%

Summerlovinf Wed 16-Mar-16 10:11:43

It seems to me that many of my friends tolerate their husbands (and vice versa) rather than being obviously in love with them. They have perhaps found a way of living together in some kind of harmony but there appears to be a kind of nonchalant tolerance rather than that strong desire and connection that you experience early on. I'd like to think that there's a way of keeping the love going.

custardmountains2 Wed 16-Mar-16 10:22:52

Somone once told me when I was young - that once you have fallen in love with someone that feeling never truly goes away I.e despite moving on with other relationships ect. You think it will pass - unfortunately I have found it does not. But it does depend on the individual- for some they may fall out of love and back in love really quickly smileAll depends on the individual experience grin

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