Facebook silliness. Who is right?

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

Hi all, this is a very trivial one.

I have a dp who I have been with for 3 years, get on well with her family - her Sister can be a bit of a wind up.

Anyway, have been feeling down lately, came off anti depressants (which I was taking for anxiety rather than depression, Citalopram 20mg) I didn't come off them properly, just pretty much stopped taking them and recently I have been emotional and angry. Sometimes sensitive.

Anyway, I recently discovered that someone had bashed in the drivers side door of mt carm, a massive dent and scratches. Its an old car but its my first car and I have only been driving since June last year. I have had a few bumps in it but this one is a mystery.

So (as you do) I had a mini rant on Facebook saying how disappointed i felt that someone can do this and not have the decency to leave a note (naive?).

DP'S sister commented something like I was probably lying and I am a shit driver and probably bumped into someone and too scared to admit it. I replied saying that wasnt the case. Then she announced about the time I had left my handbreak up (it had broken) and it rolled across a busy street. I accept this happened and it was bad - luckily no one and nothing was hurt or damaged. Then "friends" replied to her comments with "lmao" etc. Basically everytime I post something on FB - particularly about driving, I get some snotty or rude response and last night I just thought - fuck it. I dont need FB in my life so I deactivated it.

Now this morning (DP works nights) DP has said that her sister is upset because she thinks I have blocked her on Facebook and that I need to text her to explain I have just deleted Facebook and not her. I said that I am not obliged to do this and I can delete social media sites as and when I want without having to explain!

Am I right? Should I stick to my guns and not text the Sister or message her to explain?

It annoys me that I was trying to make a point that I am not putting up with the shitty comments anymore and by doing so, I've now got to apologise to HER!?

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

DP has told me that it's just "banter" and I shouldn't be so sensitive

[Jackie0]

The thing about banter is you need to know your audience.
I'd hate it and would probably have done exactly the same thing you did .
You don't owe anyone anything , don't apologise don't explain.
She sounds like a complete dick by the way .

[YakTriangle]

I would've deleted just her, not the whole FB profile, and told her exactly how rude she is as well. Accusing you of lying and slagging off your driving isn't friendly behaviour so why keep her on your 'friend' list? Also banter that is one sided and mean spirited isn't banter, it's just being shitty to people.

[JanetOfTheApes]

Basically everytime I post something on FB - particularly about driving, I get some snotty or rude response and last night I just thought - fuck it

Sounds like you post a lot about driving disasters, so a bit of banter at your expense is to be expected. You let a car roll across a busy street, that earns you a bit of a reputation, so in your case I wouldn't have been ranting on FB about other peoples less than good driving. Sounds like she was a bit rude but you were a bit sensitive, so I'd say there is both of you in it.

[ProfGrammaticus]

I don't think you need to explain - your account, your choice.

[Whisky2014]

Yeh i'd activate it and just delete her. And offer no explanation. Nothing to do with her.

Sorry about your car, that is a crappy thing to happen :(

[Tryingtobenicexxx]

I agree activate and delete her.
It's nothing to do with her.
She sounds like a delight ...not.

[FelicityGubbins]

Tell your dp that if their sister is so bothered about maintaining a friendship with you that she should mind her manners a bit better...

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

It would not be worth just deleting her, her family are so close.

And besides, its not just her who makes the comments.

Plus I am sick of seeing all these meme's and distressing pictures on my feed.

[LMGTFY]

Why have you come off the citalopram? All other issues aside you are going to be a wreck if you still need them (which it sounds like you do), I know I would be.

[Jackie0]

Then get rid of fb, it's clearly not helping you.
If you feel differently at some point you can always change your mind.
It's okay to be gentle with yourself , you haven't been well.
Cut the negativity from your life.
You need supportive people around you not nasty crap masquerading as " banter ".

[LaurieLemons]

I don't think she meant any harm but if you want her comments to stop you have to tell her. Just say you've deactivated it no need for an explanation. Facebook is a place where you can expect jokes from people and you're obviously quite over-sensitive atm so I think it's for the best.

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

It's not so much the comments that I'm struggling with though, its the fact that my DP is insisting I explain to her sister that I have deleted FB and not her.

In my maybe not quite normal right now mind it seems like dp has no respect for me. Making me apologise etc.

Its humiliating. I am making a point and she's making me feel like a dick. Right now I just wanna be on my own and away from all this stress.

[gandalf456]

Let him explain. Her feelings are not your problem just as she viewed your feelings as not a problem when she commented on your driving. It works both ways (and I have pmt, I think, so probably not rational )

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

You are suffering withdrawal from your meds!!

The sister was messing. I would've laughed.

You have taken it seriously and got offended and deactivated your Facebook due to it. This shows that you need your meds! That is not normal behaviour at all.

I agree with your dp. The sister is upset! All you have to do is say 'hey sorry, I didn't block you I deactivated my account'. Easy and a normal thing to do.

Again, you are not behaving normally or rationally.

YABU

[Jackie0]

Don't doubt your judgement, you're right.
I would refuse to be drawn on the topic , brush it off ( to your dh) as boring and trivial and it's not up for discussion any more.
If anyone's perception is a bit off its your SIL, she mustn't have much going on right now

[Jackie0]

And a bit of loyalty from your dh wouldn't go amiss

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

Apparently she is very upset! So upset that she hasn't text me to find out if I have blocked her or to apologise. I will put money on what happens next. Next time she sees me she will go on and on in a banter like way about me deleting my Facebook. She's not upset, guarantee it.

She always takes the piss out of me.

[mix56]

I'd send her the text saying that P has told you to, & yes you have disactivated fb,as repeated hurtful remarks have pissed you off. you do not feel the need to apologise & hope she won't escalate your personal business into a mini scandal to make even more drama. COW

[Chocolatteaddict1]

Don't apologise!

I fucking hate 'banter' it's normally at the expense of one who doesn't want it. It's actually called 'being a twat'

If you actually do want to stay of facebook because your fed up with it just go along with "I'm not apologising for turning my fucking facebook off - folk need to get a grip"

[Paulat2112]

You are right, i would expect your DP to support you. I hate people like that, my mum is very like that and it drives me insane. I actually deleted her from fb but then she begged me to add her again after a few weeks and i did. She is still like that but now i just tell her to get to fuck lol.

Don't be a door mat and let people walk all over you.

I would go back to your doctor and actually chat to them about your meds

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

DP is sleeping now as she works nights.

I will be late home this evening but when I get home I am going to say to her that I feel like they are all laughing at me and I feel a little bit humiliated tbh.

I will also be telling her that I dont appreciate her being "off" with me when I have done nothing wrong. And on that note I will go to bed and read my book

[stumblymonkey]

I think this one is simple:

• You are totally within your rights to delete your Facebook for any goddamn reason you like

• You do not owe anyone an explanation as to why.

I don't understand why the conversation between DP and her sister didn't go:

Sister: "Your DP has blocked me on FB and I'm upset about it"

Your DP: "He hasn't blocked you specifically he's deleted his whole account as he's decided he doesn't want to do FB any more"

Done.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Yanbu - it's entirely up to you who you have on FB, or whether you have FB at all.

But is it possible she's genuinely upset, and that it wasn't meant to cause you upset?

Very importantly, and far more important than FB silliness: It can be dangerous to come off citalopram just like that, you should speak to your doctor about reducing the dosage gradually.

[Littletabbyocelot]

I'd stand your ground. She was rude. Your feelings count too.

I'm used to family being crap and I put up with behaviour from mine and dhs relatives that is bad for me. It reached a head when I found myself having to get dh to ask his dad what veg he wanted with his dinner, because he wouldn't answer me. I've put up with it because people who behave badly generally don't like being called on it & I didn't want to hurt dh but enough. I've been treating myself like I don't matter and it sounds like you have too.

Banter is funny IF the recipient is enjoying it too. If they feel like crap its not banter - in this case its public humiliation.

Tell your dp that her sister's behaviour upset you, that you stepped away because you are not OK with being treated like that and you are not going to apologise. Also tell her her sister frequently upsets you. If she loves you for you she must know you're not a banter person. So why is she asking you to put up with someone laughing at you?

Part of being mentally healthy is loving ourselves enough not to accept awful behaviour.