Ok so I need to finally write this down. I think it would help me to get some opinions on what happened.
When I was 15 I had an enormous crush on an 18 year old family friend, M. I was a bit besotted from afar. Just as I was starting to move on from the crush I went to a party and he was there too. I remember feeling quite pleased with myself as I waved and smiled at him that I didn't feel as strongly about him as I had. I spent the evening with my mates drinking cheap alcohol and dancing (and kissing) another boy.
Later, after quite a few drinks I sort of wobbled off the dance floor and stumbled up a step and M happened to be there and he caught my arm. He said something to me but I couldn't hear over the music so he steered me outside (countryside). We chatted a bit as we walked down the road away from the party. I asked him where we were going and he said he wanted to go somewhere quieter. Not really sure what I was thinking but I went with him. He climbed over a gate and I followed but sort of fell off the other side as I had had too much to drink and he caught me, we stumbled and fell over.
At this point he kissed me. I was shocked but I remember being quite pleased. Then he started pulling at my jeans. I reminded him that I was only 15 and told him I was a virgin. He told me that most of the 15 year old he knew had had done it. I said I wasn't ready. At this point he tried to pull at my jeans a bit more but I think I said no again.
He got up and led me further down the field. I honestly don't know why I went with him. I think I hoped he would just continue kissing me. Next he is laid on top of me and my boots are off (I don't remember how, maybe I did it?) and then he is inside me. I let out a scream as it hurt so much and I think I said no again at this point. He carried on and I didn't really say anything else. I didn't try to push him off or fight him.
When he finished we got up and he walked me back to the party and he walked off. An lad I vaguely knew found me sitting on a step, shaking and helped me tie my shoes up.
Two weeks later I saw him at another party and went over to talk to him as I hadn't heard anything from him (ffs!). He took me by the hand, out and to another field. I said I just wanted to talk. He pull my jeans off, actually ripped my knickers and carried on again. I said no but I didn't walk away when I had chance and I didn't fight or even push him off.
So what happened?
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Was this ok? **Sensitive trigger warning - added by MNHQ**
PearSoup · 09/03/2016 20:42
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