Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

my approval-seeking is a problem

(11 Posts)
iamneverbu Tue 08-Mar-16 12:05:25

Just had to check myself because I got an email response from someone who I thought wasn't talking to me and the elation I felt was completely not proportionate at all. Neither was the depression I had felt for days before this, thinking they were no longer speaking to me (based on no evidence at all) I was binge eating, drinking to try and forget about it, could not stop thinking about it, didn't wash, didn't get dressed.

So now I'm completely high because I got a response, and it's wrong to feel like this too. I should not have even noticed that this email took a while to be responded to. It is not even a romantic or love interest (I am happily married.) It was an email about a work matter between me and a woman I wanted to be friends with.

I have been having therapy for a while about my relationship with my mother, which was awful and very abusive. While I know how I feel is not normal, I am not sure how to change it or how to stop

I can't carry on with this ridiculous roller coaster where acknowledgement and approval from (mostly) women become the centre of my life, and where I can't function without some kind of acknowledgement from someone else.

What is it and how can I stop?

Whisky2014 Tue 08-Mar-16 12:38:56

I don't know what it is OP but I kind of experience the same although not quite as much as you experience it. Will watch this with interest.

I'd definitely speak to your therapist about this though.

iamneverbu Tue 08-Mar-16 17:06:47

Bump

ThisIsme2 Tue 08-Mar-16 17:10:46

Sorry, can't help, but have similar problem and have been thinking about asking for therapy to deal with it. Watching with interest.

pocketsaviour Tue 08-Mar-16 17:30:44

You are experiencing the same "symptoms" that many daughters of mothers who were emotionally neglectful/abusive experience.

Have you discussed this particular need for approval with your therapist? Do you feel the therapy is generally helping you move forward?

Whirlydervish Tue 08-Mar-16 20:58:43

This rings slight bells with me too. Watching with interest.

iamneverbu Tue 08-Mar-16 23:42:37

Interesting this rings bells with people.

I am desperate to not feel it anymore and wish I knew how I could change my pattern.

You see, I'm great during disasters and tragedies. I can cope with most scenarios objectively far worse than this, but if you don't call or email me back or acknowledge me, I'm a drunken, binge-eating mess.

And before you assume I am one of these needy energy vampires, I know I am not. I am very happy to keep a distance, I don't need more than an acknowledgement, I just want to know that I am approved of.

Whisky2014 Thu 10-Mar-16 13:45:51

Yep me too.

Pocket I have "fear of abandonment* and apparently this stems from a parent not being there emotionally/physically.
It has to be my mum I think so its interesting you are also linking what the OP says (which is how I feel) to possibly something from my mum too. How can I get the truth?

pocketsaviour Thu 10-Mar-16 20:03:41

Op have you discussed this pattern of behaviour with your therapist? Your therapist should be able to guide you in how you can break this pattern.

Whisky, the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website may ring some bells with you. page ink{http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ignoring-mother/\www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ignoring-mother]]/} in particular may help.

pocketsaviour Thu 10-Mar-16 20:03:53

Crap, sorry. This page:
www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ignoring-mother/

Whisky2014 Fri 11-Mar-16 08:52:41

Thanks Pocket

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now