I have been seeing a single father for about nine weeks now and at first it was lovely. He was super attentive, almost falling over himself to be there for me. We became a couple quicker than each of us wanted or foresaw but we spoke about it and he also felt the same way, that he had never planned for things to progress so quickly but we decided things were as they were and we were happy so we would go with it.
The past couple of weeks I have had some drama at home with my teen, I posted a separate post about it and he has been under a lot of stress at work. But I feel like when we do see each other now we just sit in silence with him fighting sleep. I want to be able to talk to him, have discussions but he's so tired and preoccupied. I want to be able to relax and have fun with him as happy couples are supposed to do.
He has been very short tempered and really snappy with me which has made me withdraw and not feel chatty with him. He's stopped being attentive and we don't feel as connected as we used to.
A couple of times he has made plans with me, then forgotten and made plans with other people. He has rectified the plans and done as originally arranged with me after I have reminded him, but it makes me feel unimportant.
I saw him on Saturday night for a meal with his friends and I mentioned about how we planned a day out next Saturday and he looked completely blank, so I reminded him we were going to go out and said he couldn't even think about it as it was a whole week away and he would have a whole shit load to deal with at work between now and then. At the meal he was happy and friendly and chatty with his friends, which contrasted with how distant he is with me now. On the way home I said what a lovely evening it was and that I was looking forward to next weekend and he snapped at me. I suppose he feels under pressure from work and feels like I am adding extra pressure? But is it so unreasonable of me to be excited and wanting to make plans with my boyfriend?
He did give me a mothers day card on Saturday on behalf of my youngest. But then yesterday I thanked him in the morning for the card and said how lovely it was, he saw the message at 9am and didn't reply. He used to always reply straight away and we used to send each other about 5 messages throughout the day. He always used to message me on his way to work to say good morning and it would start from there. So I hadn't heard from him by late evening and I messaged him asking how his day had been and had his mother had a nice time. He said it was all lovely and that he was about to do a few hours work and go to bed, he didn't ask after my day or anything.
I asked after a while if everything was ok, because he didn't seem as in to the relationship as he used to be and he had been snapping at me a lot, and generally sneery about everyone from his team at work to clients, and I wondered if everything was ok. He told me he was just very stressed about his work and he couldn't separate that stress from his time with me and it was nothing personal. I asked with everything going on at work did he feel like he had time for a relationship in his life right now as he already has so much going on (work pressures, children 40% of the time, his mother living close by and a regular hobby) and he said that he has other things in his life but I am important to him but it would depend on what I want from him. He's coming over on Thursday to have a face to face talk about it.
I just want to be able to make plans to see my boyfriend without being snapped at, to be able to spend time with him where we can talk without him being highly strung and barely able to stay awake. He said work could sort itself out in a few days or a few months. Am I being unfair? He says he's exhausted, I can see how exhausted he is.
Am I not considering enough how much strain he is under and just be more patient and understanding? I am not sure if I am being unfair on him. I just want to say I have never made any demands on his time, apart from once on one of the occasions when I reminded him how we had made plans which he forgot and made plans with other people. I don't nag him, I suggested a day out as he himself said the last time we had done similar he had had loads of fun, and so had I so I thought it would be nice to do something similar again. I didn't mention it again till Saturday when I asked if there was somewhere specific in the area I had suggested going he wanted to visit. And when we message, we used to message regularly during the day and evenings too, but it was a chat, it wasn't a one sided deluge of messages from one of us. I don't and have never pestered him over his time
I am so sorry this is so long
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Relationships
What do I ask for?
wibblywobbler · 07/03/2016 13:59
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