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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Non-molestation order

13 replies

PeppermintPasty · 07/03/2016 11:46

Hello. I'm feeling a bit sick and I wondered if you lot could talk some sense to me.

I'm going to court Wednesday for a NMO against my ex, father of my two dc's. Very very long story, but he hasn't seen them for 18 months, lives close by. Has resorted to following us in his car whilst we were on foot, having a massive go at me in front of my (crying) dc, driving his car at me (albeit slowly) in front of them. Long police saga (they are rubbish and I have complained to the IPCC) as he's also thieved off me via my bank account (this has now stopped), and police have so far done nothing.

So now here we are, because of his actions on the road, and police uselessness, I am forced to go to court to keep him away.

I simply cannot ever have the DC put through stuff like that again. They are so happy and secure, and he is threatening that. He's not interested in them, just interested in playing the victim, and resentful of me.

The stupid thing is, I'm a solicitor, though I don't do family law. I am feeling so sick at the thought of going, it's ridiculous. My family law colleague is coming with me and doing it for me. Why am I so worried? Everyone says I'll get the order.

I guess I need a bit of hand holding. I'm the 'strong one' and everyone thinks I'm always ok ho ho.

I'm not even 100% sure what'll happen. Dreading it. Has anyone any experience of the first hearing? I know it'll be a directions hearing, but that's about it.

Thanks.

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PeppermintPasty · 07/03/2016 19:04

Oh dear. Is there no one around? Or perhaps I've posted in the wrong place really? :-(
I did ask MNHQ to take the thread down earlier as I thought I'd revealed too much, I have a tendency to be too open, but they haven't done it. Not doing very well today!

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goddessofsmallthings · 07/03/2016 19:24

Are you applying for an ex parte injunction?

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AstrantiaMallow · 07/03/2016 19:29

I had a non-mol against my ex. Ex-parte. I was a nervous wreck but maybe because there was so much else going on at the same time. Actually it all went ok, the evidence was there. I had a solicitor doing it for me.
I hope it goes ok for you.

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gingerboy1912 · 07/03/2016 19:31

Bumping for you

I had a NMO on my exh when we separated as he was nasty and volatile. It lasted a year. I had help with legal aid funding some of the court costs. I was sad it came to that but he left me no other choice.
The court visit was surprisingly boring and mundane despite me fretting about it before hand. Just lots of miserable separated couples sitting on opposite sides of the waiting area with their solicitors. Good luck

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numberseventeen · 07/03/2016 19:34

I was granted an ex parte non mol a couple of years ago. I wasn't challenged as had lots of evidence.

Another hearing was scheduled and my solicitor suggested I agree to him writing an undertaking of the non mol(I think think is the correct term).

The judge spoke to my ex quite firmly about his behaviour and told him in no uncertain terms how seriously it was taken.

Best thing I've ever done(apart from actually LTB )

Good luck op

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PeppermintPasty · 07/03/2016 20:02

God thanks folks. I can't believe how I feel! I mean on one level, he's just an inadequate prick, so why on earth, as someone familiar with courts, I feel like this is beyond me.

It's not ex parte, he's been served, and a third party tells me he has said he'll attend. He won't have representation though, all he wants to do is make as much difficulty for me as possible.

I guess that's why this is affecting me, I fear he's going to push it to a full hearing even though he will never ever instruct anyone to represent him. He'll just do it to be awkward, plus he thinks he's the victim in all this, he doesn't give a monkeys about the DC.

Thanks, just feel so unbelievably down about it, and I'm usually so positive.

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PeppermintPasty · 09/03/2016 21:01

Well, just a brief update for you kind people who commented and sent me PM's.

It was today. I got it. Non-mol with a power of arrest attached. I thought he would object but he just rolled over and agreed it! Lasts six months, and gives us a little bit of relief and respite from the stress. Well, me. The DC don't know what's going on of course.

Anyway, it's a strange feeling. I would much rather he was normal and was seeing his children. But he's not, and I have to protect them from his horrible behaviour.

I'm not sure he will have a wake up call. I suspect this will underline for him that he's the victim in all this, which has been his line all the way along.

Anyway, it's done. Hopefully that's it!

Thank you again to all of you, you are lovely

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gingerboy1912 · 09/03/2016 21:11

Glad it went ok. It is sad that they can't be 'normal' but sometimes you just got to do what you got to do otherwise you can wait a lifetime for them to change and they never do.

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AstrantiaMallow · 09/03/2016 21:12

That's really good news.

Sadly I wouldn't bank on him coming to his senses. My stbx still maintains the non-mol and divorcing him was an extremely unreasonable and unnecessary step to take. It was actually the best thing I did.

Hopefully it'll give you and your DCs peace of mind.

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PeppermintPasty · 09/03/2016 21:14

Thank you again x

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gingerboy1912 · 09/03/2016 22:54

Astr. My exh is the same, he's still apparently baffled as to why I had to do it and played the confused hurt victim to perfection after we separated. If only people knew the real him rather than the person he pretends to be.

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abbsismyhero · 10/03/2016 02:23

my ex plays such a perfect victim im scared to even tell the police he is harassing me its so bizarre that and im worried social services will get involved again and that was a year of hell the last time with me being blamed for a lot of things he was responsible for

he sent me a text the other day saying "i thought we agreed you loved me" i actually had to check to make sure i really hadn't said that to him! he ends all his texts with love you all and kisses how can i complain to anyone about that? ive told him i dont love him i sent back the valentine's gift but i spend most my time shutting my phone off and unplugging my landline as he wont stop ringing me!

but to everyone else he is just a guy who loves his wife (no he wont sign the divorce papers) and wants her back awww bless him abusive bastard that he is

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PeppermintPasty · 10/03/2016 10:32

God abbsis that sounds awful. Why not give women's aid a call? They really helped me, they validated my concerns, and helped me think more clearly. Gave me the impetus I needed to get the non mol.

I thought it was ridiculous of me to ring(strong, intelligent, together woman etc etc), but a friend persuaded me, and they were great. No pressure, just listening, and good advice.

I'd keep a record of it all too, and I would report to the police. Although they have been shit across the board, there have been pockets of good sense from individual coppers. Ask for a DV specialist.