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What is the best way to manage when father of your child is a complete shiste

(8 Posts)
legocastles Sat 05-Mar-16 21:18:17

I have recently name changed. Feeling very very low. I have 1 dc.. Father is emotionally/sometimes physically abusive and treats me like second rate rubbish. Today he called me a fat c**t. This is common and typical.
I have started receiving therapy, my childhood was abusive mainly verbal/emotional. I was scapegoat of family.
I am trying so hard to keep it together but have no one. Literally. I have cut myself off I am ashamed of myself.
I haven't cried for about a year but tonight I am in tears because of something that happened tonight which upset me because my ex oh is trying to hurt me emotionally.

I guess my main question is what is the best way of parenting and keeping away from your ex when he is damaging your mental health and you need to keep away from him?
I cannot stop him from seeing his son, I just don't know what to do he is toxic.
Any advise would be much appreciated.

Mamia15 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:21:43

All contact to be via email and it should only be able child access. No phone calls, face to face chats etc.

Access visits to take place away from the home with doorstep handovers.

legocastles Sat 05-Mar-16 21:24:47

Thank you Mamia.
The problem is he owns half the house. I can't stop him from entering.
Seriously thinking of selling though so I can set these boundaries.

Mamia15 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:56:08

Have you sought legal advice about ways to stop him harassing you?

Hillfarmer Sat 05-Mar-16 22:01:31

Get legal advice, maintain dignity, email only. Don't ever expect him to be reasonable or nice. Hold him at arm's - or preferably bargepole - length.

OK so he owns half the house, there are still ways in which it is legally clear that he has left and that it is your home. Have you got legal advice... if he no longer lives in the family home there are ways you can establish that he can't just walk back in to your home. Check with a solicitor.

legocastles Sat 05-Mar-16 22:10:01

I got legal advice at the beginning but I was advised that there was nothing I could do as legally he has every right to enter the house as his own will.

Also I had no grounds to get a non molestation order because he was physical towards me months before I decided something had to be done. ie it was too late for me to do anything about it.

But it's not the physical side, its the emotional side that is the worst.
He despises me/devalues me/sneers at me/hurts me/insults me. then says I am mad for thinking those things.

legocastles Sat 05-Mar-16 22:18:31

I should have done something earlier, I know, I realise that.

Why does he get off on being such an utter bastard? And why do the people who are meant to be there for me assume that I must have done something to deserve this treatment as I am fundamentally a dreadful person?

Marchate Sat 05-Mar-16 23:49:21

Women's Aid can help you. They will know how to keep him out of your home

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