I'm really upset with Dh. We have a good supportive relationship but there's something not right with our sex life and idk how to change it. Put simply - Dh doesn't "do"'intimacy outside of sex, no occasional kiss, no cuddles, no holding my hand or hugging me before we fall asleep, in summary very little body contact. He also complains regularly that I don't make myself available to him sexually enough (as in - we don't have sex frequently enough). After a few days when we haven't done it he becomes sulky, uncommunicative, and passive aggressive. I know he's punishing me for it and I hate it. He claims I'm never in the mood, but I disagree completely and I tell him that the reason I'm not in the mood is that he doesn't create the conditions for me to be in the mood , he expects me to simply switch it on from zero to 100 whenever he feels like it.
This week was a case in point. I worked last weekend and was exhausted (though we still had sex on Sunday noght). He was away mon-tue and came back late on wed night when I was already asleep. Thursday night I went to bed at 10 I was so knackered and he tried to initiate it but I was basically already asleep and said I was too tired for it. Well, yesterday he came home from work, didn't say a wOrd to me, read all evening and went to sleep without a word. This morning he's still not talking to me and he's now left without speaking.
.
As I write this I'm getting really angry and depressed. I realise I am always actively counting the days we go without it and making sure we don't go over 3 or I know it will be awful between us. I enjoy it but it's very much something to tick off my to do list to make sure we keep harmony in the home. But I should be allowed to say not if I'm truly exhausted as I was on Thursday after 12 straight days of work with no breaks, right?
This is so unromantic isn't it. I resent him for making this so transactional (is it too much to ask to go out once in a while, have dinner together, or simply spend us time ? He never plans or wishes for anything like this. I've stopped planning for things like these as I find it just too depressing to always be the one driving this kind of intimacy) and he resents me for not putting out more.
It's all so unhealthy but he refuses to even talk about it and acknowledge we have a problem. As far as he's concerned I am the problem.
I love him dearl, I am attracted to him and our relationship is otherwise great but this is too much. I know I'm going to have to initiate sex tonight to make peace (after a day of him having treated me like shit) and I cannot tell you what a turnoff this is.
How can I change this dynamic?
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How do I change this dynamic?
AKAmyself · 05/03/2016 09:57
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